


Won’t Give Up On You

by E_J_Morgan



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Car Accident, Coma, Gen, Younger Spencer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-01-30 07:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J_Morgan/pseuds/E_J_Morgan
Summary: After a serious accident, Spencer is in a coma. How will the others react and can they work together to help their injured friend?





	1. When the Worst Happens

This latest case was a mess. Rossi, though a brand-new addition to the current team, could tell with just one brief look around how everyone was on edge. It had always been like that when the crime they were investigating involved children as victims; that hadn’t changed from the time he and his oldest friend, Jason Gideon, had been the only two people within the FBI forming the section now called BAU.

 

The strict but nonetheless caring unit chief, Aaron Hotchner (in Rossi’s memory previously a green, enthusiastic newbie, now a tired and determined accomplished leader) was bearing an even deeper frown on his otherwise handsome face than normally as he strolled down the street with his team in tow towards the local police station of Kansas City to go through the files again. Something wasn’t adding up in their profile and they had decided to go back to the roots and begin anew from there to find the fault.

Derek Morgan, a man with a no-nonsense attitude towards unsuspecting doors and anyone threatening his team (also known as his family) was quietly chatting away with Garcia.

The multicolored computer analyst (now wearing pink high-heels that made it quite difficult for her to keep up with the hurrying team leader and caused her to depend from time to time on her ‘chocolate thunder’ for help) had been dragged along with them on the ride, seeing that her expertise was needed on field – at least, according to Hotch. Rossi still wasn’t sure about her, but kept his opinion to himself, acknowledging the fact that making calls like that wasn’t in his job description anymore. Anyway, those two together were something to see; at normal times (meaning: when the entire team wasn’t about to explode of nerves) it was even a little entertaining to listen to their constant bantering and uniquely worded phone calls. Rossi was sure these conversations sometimes bordered on the definition of sexual harassment and was curious about what the HR department of the FBI would say if they knew about them behaving that way.

JJ, the media liaison (‘we didn’t use to have a media liaison in my time for sure and we still somehow managed to get by!’) and Emily Prentiss were talking among themselves as well, probably about some ‘girls only’ topic Rossi didn’t want to know about and wouldn’t understand a word of anyway. Not that he had anything against the women per se: apart from them both being quite easy on the eyes, they also had brains, courage and skills.

Then there was their youngest and strangest one: _Doctor_ Spencer Reid. Never forget the ‘doctor’ part because then Hotch would take off your head! At first, the seasoned profiler had thought he’d hate the annoying snotty kid with his mindless rambling and continuous spouting of useless facts. Really, what had Jason been _thinking_ bringing a child like that onto the team!? A boy was still only 21 for God’s sake and had been on the team for over a good year now! How was that even possible!? That couldn’t have happened before, he was absolutely sure of that: when he was young they all had to climb the ranks and nobody was catapulted over other people’s heads just because they happened to have a bit higher than average IQ. A walking encyclopedia, nothing more; nowadays they had computers for that. What did it matter in the field anyway? Well, a lot, as it had turned out since then…

 

Doctor Spencer Reid had very quickly changed Rossi’s first impression on him, even though it wasn’t easy to admit, since it so rarely happened that the older man was this wrong about something. The boy had proven his worth on the team and had become… well, if not a good _friend_ but something akin a protégé to him during the last weeks. Now, Rossi could see what Jason Gideon had: the incredible potential and the constant thriving to grow and improve. He had promised himself (and silently, his absent oldest friend as well) to look out for the young man and make sure he didn’t get himself killed before he could become the greatest profiler ever he no doubt could be someday. And a real, present danger it was! Rossi had heard the story about the young man’s kidnapping and subsequent torture. Also, how just a few months into his new career he’d walked onto a train and got himself captured by a lunatic madman threatening to kill all the hostages. Or his first successful shooting being into the middle of an UnSub’s forehead after being repeatedly kicked by his unit chief as a distraction… No, that wouldn’t do. The child was too precious to be wasted so early on. Or ever. Luckily, all the others seemed to agree and it looked like everyone had made it their personal mission to save the boy even from himself – and Rossi didn’t need to be persuaded anymore to join the party.

 

“What are you thinking, Kiddo?” – He asked, having caught up to the young man who was so deeply in thought that he had needed Rossi to steer him away from a pole that had come his way. Not that the boy had noticed it. – “I can particularly hear your brain working a mile a minute.”

 

The youngest BAU member turned to him confusedly as if only now realizing he wasn’t alone on the street.

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Well. I’m just thinking about the case…”

 

“Care to share your thoughts?” – The older man prodded gently. He knew by now that the boy would talk when he was ready and not a minute sooner. But then he wouldn’t shut up until he had everything off his chest and more than likely solved the case with his ideas. That was simply the way he worked; it certainly wasn’t conventional. But what was about the child!?

 

“I think we might have more than one UnSub. And at least one of them is female. Most probably two males and one female, in my opinion. One male and the female are sibling and the other male is the boyfriend.”

 

“What makes you say that?” – They hadn’t profiled that at all. Up until now, they had been looking for a white male, mid-thirties, well-educated and highly intelligent (though nothing like _their_ very own genius, obviously). Never mind they all had realized by now the profile was inaccurate – hence their stroll to the police station at this very moment – but could they have been so wrong!?

 

“It’s because---” – But Rossi never learnt the reason, and what happened next would haunt his worst nightmares for years to come. He’d blame himself forever, thinking if he hadn’t ‘woken’ the boy from his daydreams with questioning him, he hadn’t been aware enough to realize what was going on just across the street from them and hadn’t reacted the way he had.

 

One second the boy was walking right next to him behind the other team members, the next second he was running madly and navigating between honking cars towards the other side where a toddler of about two and a half years had just dropped her mother’s hand and run out onto the road, right now standing frozen in spot, right in the path of a racing truck that had absolutely no chance whatsoever of stopping in time to avoid hitting the baby.  

 

Rossi saw it as if in slow motion: the boy miraculously managed to avoid all the cars and ignored the angry shouts of the enraged drivers. He reached the toddler just in time to none-so-gently push her out of the way. He himself wasn’t so lucky though: there was a loud ‘thud’ and the horrifying sight of his thin, lanky figure being hit by the truck then disappearing under it in the next second. He baby was crying loudly in fright and her mother, previously transfixed and stock-still with shock, now dashed towards her to check for injuries. People were screaming and the BAU members ran frantically to the now halting vehicle and their ‘little brother’ lying deathly still behind it on the hard and cold road.

 

“Somebody call 911!” – Shouted Hotch the unnecessary instruction; Morgan was already dialing before he could finish the sentence. – “Reid! REID!”

 

They reached the terrible scene and saw… blood. Lots of it. All of them coming from Reid – the child was thankfully unharmed, though understandably shaken and a bit bruised from being shoved out of the way and falling on the asphalt. Her mother was crying as well, still not completely coherent.

 

None of them dared touch the bleeding and broken young man, afraid of causing even more damage by moving him even an inch. They tried to talk to him instead and waited for a reaction – which never came.

 

Morgan stepped up to them gravely.

 

“The ambulance is on its way. How is he…?”

 

“I don’t know, he won’t respond… I can’t see if he’s even breathing!” – Answered Hotch, clearly upset to the point where he couldn’t think straight anymore. – “I don’t know if he’s alive… Somebody help!”

 

JJ and Garcia were sobbing, and Emily wasn’t much better than them. She was trying to keep the two young women away from their dead/dying/unconscious friend, not wanting any of them to have this sight etched into their memories forever.

 

Rossi stood perplexed, staring at the bloody heap of a boy he had become to think of as his protégé in just the brief time he’d been on the team after Gideon’s departure. Gideon... the man would be devastated if they lost the child! No, he couldn’t think like that… This was Reid; he’d be fine. He was always fine. Right?

 

It seemed like an eternity had passed until they finally heard the sirens of the approaching ambulance. Soon, three EMTs jumped out with one of them heading right to the still wailing child and her shaking mother and two hurrying to check the young man over, looking for any signs of life.

 

After about half a minute, one of them explained to the anxiously waiting team:

 

“He’s alive but just barely. We need to get him to surgery immediately but we’ll have to be very careful with moving him to the stretcher.”

 

“How old is he?” – Asked the other medic, carefully feeling for broken ribs and possible injuries to the spine.

 

At first, nobody seemed to be able to answer him but then Rossi cleared his throat and said:

 

“He’s 21 and an FBI agent. He’s name is Doctor Spencer Reid. Please, you have to help him!”

 

If the paramedic was surprised upon hearing the young man’s age and accomplishments, he didn’t show any signs of it. Instead, he assured the team they’d do their best and continued working on the injured young man.

 

None of the BAU team could later account for the time between the horrific accident and then finding themselves in front of the closed doors of the surgery where the doctors were trying their hardest to keep their beloved boy genius alive. No one knew what the future held for them.


	2. Heartbreaking Diagnosis

They had been waiting for long hours, some – like the crying girls and the silent, stoic Hotch – sitting on incredibly uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs while others – like the raging Morgan and the shaken Rossi – walking up and down the corridor restlessly as if it could speed things up in the operating room. Ever since their boy had been rushed from the ambulance into the ominous looking white-green area with the frightening equipment and the grave staff, nobody had been telling them anything. They were all left to themselves with their dark thoughts, wondering what was happening inside and if they’d ever see their genius alive and smiling again. It was devastating.

 

“I can’t bear this anymore!” – JJ broke the silence with a desperate shriek. – “When will they just say _something_? Anything! It’s been hours!”

 

Emily hugged her tightly.

 

“Jay, it’s okay. I’m sure they’re doing their best. They should be concentrating on helping Reid, not talking to us now. It’s going to be fine. You’ll see.” – She assured, praying she wouldn’t be made a liar.

 

“Someone should call Gideon.” – Declared Garcia in a very chocked-up voice, sniffling. – “In case… He needs to know. He’s like a father to the Boy Genius.”

 

Morgan stopped in mid-step and growled.

 

“That man doesn’t have a right to know anything! He abandoned the Kid when he needed his mentor the most. We’re not calling him. We don’t need him!”

 

“We don’t but Reid does.” – Joined the conversation Emily. – “He hasn’t been himself since Gideon left… If it could help him hold on, we should definitely call him.”

 

“We don’t even know where that jerk is! We’re not calling him!” – And with that, considering the matter closed, Morgan continued his relentless pacing.

 

All the women looked towards Hotch, silently asking for his opinion on the matter but the team leader didn’t appear to have heard a word of the conversation. He was staring straight ahead at the wall as if it held all the answers to every problem existing on Earth. Rossi felt worried not only for the kid currently being operated but also for his younger friend and boss who seemed so lost and lonely right now he wished he could hug him and tell him everything would be all right. He looked exactly like he had after Haley had so cruelly (at least if you asked Rossi’s opinion) left him and took Jack with her. Nobody wanted to repeat the experience of having to witness Hotch fall apart just like he had after receiving the divorce papers per post…

 

Before he could have said anything though, the door of the operating room opened, and a very exhausted-looking middle aged doctor walked out still clad in his scrubs (but thankfully void of any of Reid’s blood – they thought they couldn’t take seeing more of it), seeking them out with his eyes and motioning for them to stay silent for a moment and follow him into his office nearby.

 

Once they were all inside the small office room and the door had closed behind them, they couldn’t contain themselves any longer.

 

“How is he, doctor?”

“Is he still alive?”

“Will he be all right?”

 

The doctor held up his hand in a placating manner again and sighed.

 

“He’s alive. Please, take a seat.” – They all did so reluctantly with Rossi and Hotch taking the two armchairs in front of the desk that was piled so full of files and also some framed photos they could barely see the doctor sitting at the other side. The others squeezed themselves into the couch behind the chairs – or, in Morgan’s case, lowering himself onto the armrest of it. As soon as everyone was seated, the doctor continued: – “Thank you. As I said: he’s alive. From a certain point of view, that young man was incredibly lucky: he didn’t have any back or neck injuries and only has two clean breaks in his right leg; which means that these should heal nicely with time. There won’t be any physical disability; that’s a miracle after what happened.”

 

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it? That means he’ll be fine…” – Said JJ hopefully. – “He’s always been stronger than he looks, people tend to underestimate him.” – She added slightly proudly.

 

“I sense a ‘but’.” – Added Rossi since Hotch, the one with the boy’s medical power of attorney, was still obviously incapable of speech. – “Is there something else wrong, doctor?”

 

The man sighed sadly.

 

“Quite honestly, what I’m worried about is the damage done to his brain.”

 

“WHAT!?” – Shouted at least three people together and Morgan jumped up, opting for pacing again instead of sitting.

 

“Reid is a genius; his brain can’t be damaged! It just can’t!” – Shook her head Emily in denial.

 

“I’m very sorry. He hit his head very hard on the truck first then again on the asphalt when he was thrown. I will spare you from having to listen to all the medical jargon as I’m sure you’d rather know what’s going on with him right now and what his chances are.” – As everyone nodded in agreement, he went on. – “We did both a CT scan and MRI to be sure, and we found that he has what is called a traumatic brain injury. His skull is fractured and was bleeding internally, which we thankfully have managed to stop during the surgery. His brain has also swelled and is thus reducing the flow of oxygen-rich blood. We’re currently trying to manage this.”

 

There was momentarily silence while the team tried to process what they had heard and make sense of it all.

 

“But he’ll be all right, won’t he?” – Asked Garcia.

 

“We don’t know yet, sorry. For now, we’ll keep him in ICU and observe the swelling. If it becomes worse and life threatening, we’ll have to do another surgery, during which we’ll remove a large section of the bone to give more space. As I’m sure you understand, it’s an extremely invasive procedure and there’s a good chance he wouldn’t survive it in his current state---”

 

“Oh, my God!” – Sobbed Emily, losing any remaining fragment of self-control she’d had before.

 

“--- so, we’d like to avoid having to do that. It’s up to him now but you need to understand: he’s in a critical condition and he may not survive this. Also, if he does survive, he’s still in a very deep coma that he might not wake up from.”

 

Hotch made a strangled cry-like noise and shifted in his chair a bit but other than that, remained unresponsive.

 

Rossi closed his eyes against the threatening tears while Morgan demanded:

 

“But when he wakes, he’ll be fine…?”

 

“IF he wakes, we’ll see. The thing with coma is that we can never be sure. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I can’t say anything else for now. Right now, he’s completely unresponsive to anything we do to him while other coma patients might react to voices or light/shadow changes… Doctor Reid is not breathing on his own and we have no idea if he’s aware of anything only unable to respond or really completely ‘gone’, in which case, he’ll soon be considered brain dead. It’s not for me to decide, there are specialists for that. We here can only do whatever is necessary to keep him alive and make sure his body heals as much as possible and wait to see what happens. When he’s not in immediate danger of dying anymore, he’ll have to be transferred to a long-term care facility where they’ll be able to deal with his comatose condition much better.”

 

JJ wanted to make sure she understood everything so she asked the question everyone was most interested in:

 

“But he can wake up and be all right, can’t he?”

 

The doctor sighed for the hundredth time, feeling very old and weary.

 

“As I told you, I’m not a specialist in that area. I know there are patients who wake up and are just fine; but it’s extremely rare, to tell you the truth, especially with the severity of the injury doctor Reid has. Everything else will be explained to you better when and if the time comes for that. I’m honestly very sorry I couldn’t give you better news.”

 

“May we see him?” – Asked Rossi and nudged Hotch with his elbow to try to get him to react in any way. The younger man just sniffled and flinched.

 

“For a brief time, yes. But remember: it’s the ICU. It will look very frightening at first and I think you’re all stressed enough as it is. So maybe you should wait…”

 

“We want to see him, Doctor.” – Pressed Morgan. – “He needs us: we promised him we’d always be there, whatever happened.”

 

“Very well. He should be settled in half an hour or so. You can wait in the corridor until then. Second floor, just follow the signs to the ICU.”

 

With that, the group slowly filed out of the small office room and wordlessly settled back into uncomfortable plastic chairs in a different – but still the same-looking – part of the unfriendly and cold hospital, waiting to be let in to their ill genius.

 

For the first time since stepping aside and letting the medics take over the care for their young teammate, Hotch spoke quietly:

 

“Garcia, I need Gideon’s number. I’m going to call him. He needs to know.”

 

“But---” – Morgan began but was instantly cut off by Rossi putting his hand on his shoulder and shaking his head, motioning towards Hotch who had never looked more unsure of himself before. He really didn’t need an argument right now; it was a difficult enough decision anyway. Morgan nodded in understanding and kept quiet, but his defensive stance and pursed lips showed his opinion on the matter more than any words could do.

 

He strongly disapproved of including their ex-teammate who had left them so abruptly a few months before, causing much pain and suffering with his actions; especially to the now ailing young man. As far as Morgan was concerned, Gideon could remain tucked away wherever he was now forever and remain oblivious to his abandoned family’s struggles. Would he even care?

 

Garcia looked between them for a few times uncertainly. It had been her idea originally but now, seeing Morgan’s reaction to it, she was not so sure about the whole thing anymore. But Hotch was their boss and Reid’s medical power of attorney, so… She had no choice but to do as asked.

 

“Yes, sir. I’ll have it in no time.”

 

“Thank you. Until then, I’ll call Bennington Sanatorium to talk to the doctors of Diana Reid, see if she’s up to the news… Then I’ll try to get a hold of William Reid…”

 

“The Kid hasn’t seen his old man since he was five or something like that! Why would you---”

 

“Because he has a right to know. He might have regrets…”

 

“Hotch, I think you’re overstepping your boundaries here. We are the kid’s family and nobody else! We are here for him and we’ve been taking care of him. We don’t need Gideon nor his father!” – Morgan was getting angrier by the minute.

 

“It’s my decision, Morgan. Garcia, I’ll need William Reid’s number as well. Now, I’m calling Bennington. Excuse me.”

 

As Hotch left to make the first dreaded call, everyone but the still seething Morgan looked after him sadly and wondered when and how he had become an old, broken man and how come they hadn’t noticed it before.


	3. Worst Nightmare Becoming Bitter Reality

Half an hour later Reid still hadn’t been ready for visitors, so they had to wait a bit longer to be able to go to him, which probably wasn’t such a bad thing, considering that Hotch was so close to a complete breakdown, nobody thought the sick boy should ‘see’ him like that. Never mind he wouldn’t see anything…

 

“His mother doesn’t even remember she has a son. According to her doctors, she’s been like that for weeks! And Reid knew it the whole time, he has been asked not to write and call because it would just agitate her! How come we didn’t know about this!?” – He demanded without addressing anyone in particular, since he knew nobody could really answer his rhetorical question. – “He must have been suffering and we didn’t know! What kind of lousy friends are we!?”

 

The others were stunned, this piece of information new to all of them. Reid was essentially a very private person and the problems with his family were a sore subject for him on the best of days and absolutely taboo on the worst ones. Rossi shook his head sadly and asked about the father that had abandoned his son at a very young age. He dreaded the answer and the fury that crossed the unit chief’s face at the mention of the man didn’t help matters.

 

Hotch exploded again, literally shaking with anger.

 

“I didn’t even get to talk to him! He was too busy to come to the phone and had his secretary take the message! And that… that… _woman_ didn’t as much as flinch when I told her what happened to her boss’ only son! I can imagine she was polishing her fingernails and bored to death. She said she’d tell the mighty William Reid about his son’s predicament when he’d be _available_! Clients are more important after all! She didn’t ask for my number or where Reid was! What a… a… a complete… a… Ah, _I can’t even find the words_!” – He shouted and punched the nearest wall which would have been a typical behavior for Morgan but unheard of for Hotch.

 

The others couldn’t decide if they were more stunned about the words or about the way they had been delivered by their normally calm boss. JJ burst out in tears again and this time not even Emily had the strength to try and console her. Garcia, being the one who had originally suggested it, took a deep breath to brace herself for another outburst and asked about Gideon.

 

Hotch noticeably calmed a bit at the mention of the ex-profiler.

 

“He was devastated upon hearing what happened to Reid and said he’d look for a flight right away. He should be here sometime tomorrow.”

 

Rossi chanced a quick glance at Morgan, daring him to say something but the younger man seemed to have enough common sense not to press the issue. Maybe he even finally realized that Hotch _needed_ Gideon there to help him keep at least some level of control of the situation. As much as Rossi liked the kid, he was still new on the team and hadn’t completely taken his predecessor’s part as the “father figure” over, while the others, while they each loved Reid like family (little brother, mostly), all had their own, unique roles in his life, none of which would be much help to Hotch right now, who was the only remaining mentor to the boy, and couldn’t seem to be able to deal alone with what was awaiting them.

 

“That’s good. Reid will be glad to find him here when he wakes up.” – Nodded Garcia, never imagining a scenario where the boy wouldn’t wake up at all. – “We can all chew him out for leaving the way he did when this will be all over and our Baby Genius feels better.” – She finished with a meaningful glare at her ‘Chocolate Thunder’, begging him to not make a scene while things were that bad. She didn’t think Hotch – or any of them for that matter – could take much more tension and hostility.

 

Right at that moment the door of the ICU opened ever so slowly, and a young, gently smiling nurse stepped out. She had long, brownish hair and kind, blue eyes, and a friendly air that made the team instantly trust her.

 

“He’s settled now; you may go in to him. Please, be aware that he looks… sick. Very sick. Don’t panic; it certainly wouldn’t help him. We don’t know much about the coma, we don’t know if he can hear or feel anything, so… just talk to him, reassure him. Don’t be discouraged by the lack of response and don’t try to wake him forcefully. It won’t work but it might harm him. All right?”

 

“Yes, we understand.” – Nodded Morgan gravely.

 

“Don’t be afraid to hold his hand or caress his cheek. It doesn’t hurt him.” – She continued. – “There are several types of equipment surrounding him and they all hiss, beep and move regularly. Don’t mind them or the numerous IVs. Focus on your boy and behave as normally as possible. I know it won’t be easy…”

 

“We’ll do our best. Thank you very much.” – They said goodbye with a handshake and Rossi ushered everyone inside, before taking a deep breath and joining the others already standing around the bed of their injured youngest friend. Their privacy was provided by a movable folding screen that had been placed around the bed and some chairs. It did nothing to conceal the fact that their genius wasn’t the only one in the ICU but did, to some extent, help them keep their focus solely on him.

 

Reid looked, in all honesty, absolutely horrible. He was pale – even paler than usual – and the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than ever. Of his own skin not much could be seen but even that little was covered in deep cuts and bruises as if he had been through hell. Well, he had… His right leg was in a cast and he was tucked under several blankets (‘He was probably freezing, like always.’ – Thought JJ) but where the cover ended you could see he was wearing a plain gray hospital gown. On his head, concealing his hair (‘Does he even still have his beautiful hair or did they have to shave it all off?’ – Wondered Garcia) he had a thick white ‘turban’-like bandage, making him resemble some kind of Sikh.

 

“Well, Kid’s fashion sense surely hasn’t improved…” – Joked Morgan half-heartedly, trying very hard not to break down crying. – “I’ll need to have a serious talk with him about finally getting him new clothes.”

 

The sight of wires and IVs as well as the sound of various machines were indeed just as frightening as the nurse had said it would be and the constant beeping never let them forget for even a second the bitter reality: that this was their little genius, previously so full of life and potential, now hovering between life and death with an unsure, dark future.

 

“Oh, my God.” – Whispered Emily.

 

JJ and Garcia were shaking and silently sobbing, while the others just… watched with wide eyes.

 

They had no idea how long they had been standing by Spencer’s bed, none of them making a move to sit down and take his hand or try to talk to him. They knew they should and that they had promised to behave normally but… it was just so much worse than anything they could have imagined, they were all rendered speechless and motionless by the enormity of it. Finally, there was someone softly clearing her throat just behind them. Turning around, they found the young nurse from before, watching them worriedly.

 

“I know it looks awful, but don’t do this to him or the other patients in here, please. He needs you all to be strong for him. If you want to break down, don’t do it in here. There’s a cafeteria on the ground floor, maybe you should eat something? Get away for a bit?”

 

Rossi spoke for everyone.

 

“No, it’s okay. It was a shock but… we’ll be fine. We can do this.”

 

The nurse looked somewhat skeptical but nodded in agreement and silently retreated to leave them alone again. With a heavy sigh, Rossi was the first to choose a chair on the right side of the sleeping (he refused to even thing the word ‘comatose’) Reid and reach out to gently touch his far too bony shoulder. The boy didn’t react in any way. The others seemed to take it as encouragement (at least he didn’t flinch in pain… that was a good sign, right?), and one by one followed suit.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“Excuse me? There’s someone outside who’d like to talk to you, if you’re up to it. The little girl’s mother…”

 

The quiet voice woke the group from their thoughts (Or perhaps from their half-asleep state? They couldn’t be sure.), and they looked up to meet the eyes of a different nurse. She was taller with short blond hair. She was also somewhat older but not by much. She seemed nice too, so it was all right. It was reassuring to know that Reid would be in good hands during his stay here.

 

“Why would she come here and want to talk to us now? She should have paid attention to her baby in the first place and then maybe we wouldn’t be here, and Reid wouldn’t be…”

 

“Derek!” – Garcia was horrified. – “How can you say that! I’m sure she feels terrible about it!”

 

“Well, she should!”

 

“Don’t talk like that, Baby Boy wouldn’t want it.” – Pleaded the desperate technical analyst. On one hand, she could understand Morgan’s anger but being resentful wouldn’t help Reid or anyone now.

 

“Oh, really? He wouldn’t, would he? Well, I think we can’t know what he would want because he’s in a coma and---"

 

“It’s okay. I’ll go talk to her.” – Said JJ, acting like the professional liaison she was. – “I’ll be right back.”

 

As soon as she stepped out of the ICU onto the corridor, she found herself face to face with a shy, kind young woman. She couldn’t be much older than JJ herself. She was also a bit taller and had her long light brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. Her little girl, the one that Reid had nearly given his life for, was held in a protective embrace, sitting on her hip and currently burying her head in her mother’s shoulder, hiding from everyone.

 

“Hi, I’m Jennifer Jareau, a colleague and friend of Spencer’s.”

 

“Is he the one who saved Maya’s life?” – Assuming that ‘Maya’ was her daughter’s name, JJ nodded. – “I am so very-very sorry about what happened! I don’t even understand it myself, one second she was walking next to me, holding my hand, then the next instant she pulled away and ran out onto the road… I swear she had never done it before! I don’t know… I nearly lost her…”

 

JJ felt guilty for the momentary anger she too had felt when they’d been told she was here. Now she saw how shook up she was about the happenings and sighed.

 

“Let’s sit down, shall we?” – She motioned towards the chairs. – “Listen, ahm…”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Adrianne Summers. Everyone just calls me Adrie though.”

 

“Adrie, it’s not your fault. Things like that can happen with little kids. We’re not blaming you.” – Well, _she_ wasn’t. She couldn’t speak for the others, especially Morgan…

 

“How is he? His name’s Spencer, right?”

 

“Yes. He’s… not well. But we’re hopeful. He’s a very strong young man you know.”

 

“Can you tell me a bit about him? Only if you don’t mind… I’d just like to know who would risk his life like that to save a stranger’s child.”

 

JJ smiled despite herself.

 

“Oh, Spencer is like that. If he could, he’d tell you himself how happy he is that Maya is all right.”

 

The little girl chose this moment to move a bit away from her mother and peer up at JJ with her huge, beautiful blue eyes. She had her blond hair in two braids and awarded the adults with an adorable smile.

 

“I got a boo boo.” – She said proudly, as if it were the most exciting thing on the world, pointing at her left knee. And indeed: there was a Minnie Mouse band-aid decorating her small leg.

 

“Ouch. I’m sorry, Sweetie. Does it hurt?”

 

“Aaa.” – Maya shook her head ‘no’ and shifted her focus to the doctors who were coming and going around them.

 

Her mother hurriedly explained.

 

“She just scraped her knee a bit when she was shoved away from the truck. It’s really nothing. It could have been so much worse…” – She shuddered at the thought. – “How old is he?”

 

“Spencer? He’s 21. And a genius with three PhDs. I know, it’s crazy. He’s brain is probably the size of the Moon.” – She laughed. – “We’re FBI agents by the way. Him as well.”

 

“Oh, really? Wow, that’s pretty impressive. And so young! The doctors wouldn’t tell me anything. I wanted to talk to you all and him too but… They hinted it wouldn’t be possible. Why not? How is he really? Please…”

 

“Well…” – Should she tell her? Did she have a right to know? According to Morgan, she probably didn’t. But JJ felt she deserved to truth. – “He’s in a coma and they’re not sure he’ll live or that he could ever wake up. But I am. I know he’ll be fine! We all have to believe it. He’s been through a lot in his short life and he’s stronger than you’d think by looking at him.”

 

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I never thought! Not that! Oh God.” – She started crying but tried to hide it so that her daughter wouldn’t get scared. – “It’s my fault. I know it is.”

 

“No, it’s not. It was an accident.”

 

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be comforting me… You have enough problems without me crying on your shoulder. Would you take my number and tell me when something changes? Anything. Please.”

 

“All right.” – JJ agreed reluctantly and saved her number to her contact list before saying goodbye to Maya and Adrianne and returning to Reid’s bedside. She wasn’t sure she’d keep her word and call her if anything happened and she certainly wasn’t about to tell anyone she had promised something like that. Somehow, she felt the others would be angry about it.

 

“What did she want?” – Asked Emily.

 

“Just to thank Spence and ask how he is.”

 

At that moment they heard Hotch’s cell vibrate with the arrival of a text message. He slowly pulled it out and checked the SMS.

 

“Gideon is here. Wow, so much time has passed already?” – He observed stunned as if he had noticed for the first time that their night vigil was over and the sun had come up outside again. Ignoring the others’ slightly worried and frightened stares, he declared: – “I’m going to meet him downstairs. I also need to call Quantico and tell them we can’t finish the job; they’ll have to send another team. Excuse me.”

 

With that, he left, leaving his friends sharing grief-stricken looks.

 

“I have a feeling, soon we’ll have two friends in the hospital to worry about.” – Whispered Rossi. The others nodded and hung their heads in sad acceptance. There was nothing they could do about it. 


	4. Gideon is Back

Seeing Gideon for the first time after months was… strangely normal. As if he hadn’t been gone at all. As Hotch walked up to him on the ground floor of the hospital and Gideon reached out his hand to shake the younger man’s, they easily performed their old routine of greeting each other like they would do every morning in the BAU. Back when things hadn’t been as messed up as now.

 

“Aaron. It’s good to see you again. How are you feeling?”

 

Hotch frowned.

 

“Me? Didn’t you mean to ask about Spencer?”

 

“Of course, I want to ask about him as well. But first: how are _you_? This can’t be easy for either of you and excuse me for saying that, but you look like hell.”

 

“I’m… I’m fine. Tired. We all are. But fine. But Spencer…” – They fell into step next to each other, walking up the stairs, Hotch leading the way. – “He’s in a coma, Jason, and they don’t know if he’ll ever wake. Hell, they don’t even know if he’ll _live_!”

 

Suddenly, Gideon looked older than ever before. He clearly hadn’t expected things to be that bad.

 

“You didn’t tell me over the phone what happened. Was it an UnSub? Do we have to kill somebody to make them pay?” – Asked Gideon, never questioning for a moment if he’d be included, just assuming he naturally would. The team was still ‘we’ for him, even after retiring and beginning a new life; he just hadn’t realized it until now.

 

“No, there’s no one to kill. It was so stupid! So typical Spencer! We were walking, and he saw a little girl, still a toddler, really, run out onto the road in front of a truck. She was on the other side, we didn’t even realize… He ran, saved her and sacrificed himself. That’s all. No UnSub with multiple personalities or anyone with a hallucination about a ‘Higher Authority’. No guns, drugs or bombs, just an overeager little girl.” – He explained angrily. – “I’m going to take off his head for doing that as soon as he wakes up, I swear! I’m going to make him stand in the corner, facing the wall like a small child and he won’t be allowed to leave the office ever again. I’m going to---”

 

“Aaron. Please. You’re making yourself sick.”

 

“I’m not making myself sick!” – He insisted aggressively, getting some raised eyebrows and disapproving glares from hospital staff and other visitors alike. He took a deep breath to calm himself. – “Sorry. I just can’t believe this is happening to us. Haven’t we been through enough already?”

 

“Yes, you have. And I’m sorry I’m part of these dreadful things that have happened to the team. I should never have left the way I did. I needed to get out, no question about that, but I should have talked to you all and kept in touch.”

 

“Yes. You should have. Or at least with Spencer. You can’t even begin to imagine what he was like when he found that letter you left him. And right after Hankel… How could you leave him like that?”

 

Gideon hung his head in shame and sadness.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Not good enough. Just pray you’ll have the opportunity to make it up to him.”

 

“I will. He’s a strong boy, Aaron and he has us. He’ll get through this.”

 

They just arrived at the ICU and Hotch motioned towards the door.

 

“Walk through the door then turn to the left. He’s behind the folding screen wall with the others. There are three more patients inside, or maybe just two now… I don’t know. I think I heard them take out someone earlier… Anyway, I need to make a call.”

 

With that, he turned around and proceeded to the other side of the corridor, leaving Gideon alone to face his worst nightmare and his old teammates’ wrath.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The greeting he received upon spotting the others was moderate to say the least, especially on the part of Morgan. Rossi seemed to be the only one genuinely happy to see him, as his old friend had gotten up immediately and embraced him warmly. The others muttered something under their breaths that could be either a ‘hi’, a ‘sir’ or – in the dark-skinned agent’s case – a ‘get the hell out of here’. But it all didn’t matter as soon as he laid eyes at his young protégé who seemed incredibly small and vulnerable lying on the huge hospital bed surrounded by mostly unrecognizable, frightening-looking equipment.

 

“Oh… Son.” – Gideon slowly sank down into the chair previously occupied by Rossi and gently took the boy’s fail hand into his own two, much larger ones. The boy’s hands were ice cold and he did his best to warm them. – “I’m so very sorry, son. I’m sorry for leaving you, Spencer.”

 

“Hell of a good it does to him now.” – Mocked Morgan sarcastically, causing Garcia to kick him in the leg and Emily to wince at the bluntness. – “Do you think you just waltz back in here and then everything will be fine again, old man? Look at him! He’s dying and there’s nothing either of us can do about it!”

 

“Derek---“

 

“Don’t you Derek me, _sir_. You left that boy when he needed you the most and---”

 

“It’s quite enough, Morgan.” – Intervened Hotch, having just returned from his phone call. – “You’re making a scene here and we have promised several times not to do that. They’ll throw us out.”

 

“But he’s---”

 

“No buts. Cut it out, all right?” – He turned to include the others in the conversation. – “I just talked to the Director, reported what occurred and told him we couldn’t finish the case. He was very understanding and we all got some personal time until further notice. Sam Cooper’s team will take over for us; they should be on their way later today. We’ll need to brief them when they arrive.”

 

“We’ll have to tell them that we’re possibly dealing with a team of three UnSubs.” – Said Rossi, explaining the theory Reid had come up with. Their conversation about the case seemed centuries ago, even though it had only been a day. Was is even possible?

 

“Spence is a true genius.” – Observed JJ after listening to their youngest friend’s idea. – “Why haven’t we thought of that before?”

 

“He always comes up with the craziest things and then they usually turn out to be right…” – Said Emily smiling, proud of her ‘little brother’.

 

“All right, we will… ahm… we’ll… I mean…” – Hotch started to sway on his feet and Rossi and Morgan ran towards him in an instant to help. They made it just in time to prevent their unit chief from hitting his head at the edge of the bed. – “Ahm… I don’t understand… I’m…”

 

“Come on, man, you’re tired. Let’s get you into a chair.” – Said Morgan, navigating their boss to the nearest seat with the help of Rossi who also loosened Hotch’s tie to help him get more air, as the man seemed to have trouble breathing. JJ quickly got a plastic cup and filled it with cold water for him.

 

“Drink this. Emily’s gone to get a doctor.”

 

“I don’t need a doctor, I’m fine.”

 

“You’re not fine, Aaron, I saw it right away.” – Chided him Gideon. – “You’re tired. You all are. I bet you haven’t rested since Spencer’s been brought in. Go back to the hotel and sleep. I’ll stay here with him and---”

 

“No way!” – Shook his head Morgan.

 

“--- and if anything happens or the doctor has news, I’ll call you right away.”

 

“I said no!”

 

Garcia placed a hand on Morgan’s arm.

 

“And I hate to say it, but Gideon is right. We won’t be any help to the Baby Genius if we all end up in a hospital bed on a different floor. We need to sleep and then we’ll need to talk to Sam Cooper’s team.”

 

“Listen to the lady; I couldn’t have said it any better myself.” – At that, everyone looked towards the entrance to see Emily returning with an older doctor. His graying and thinning hair as well as his glasses gave him a serious, strict appearance. They felt instantly that this man wasn’t anyone to mess with. – “Besides, I think you’ve all been told by my colleagues you can only visit your friend for a short time in the ICU. I’m sorry but you can’t take up a permanent residence in here; it’s against hospital regulations.” – He glanced at the various monitors and checked every equipment with lightning speed. It reminded everyone of the way Reid usually read. Or at least used to… Will he ever devour books like other did alcohol or chocolate again…? – “He’s stable for now and I don’t see this changing in the next few hours. Go home now and come back tomorrow.” – He held up his hands to stop the protests he could sense coming. – “If anything happens, you’ll be called immediately. Talk to your friend’s doctor before you leave, I’m afraid you’ll have some decisions to make and you can start thinking about them already.”

 

“But we can’t all leave him! Somebody at least has to stay! We never leave anyone alone. That’s our motto: never leave a man behind!”

 

“I’m sorry but this is the ICU and like I said, it’s not allowed for visitors to stay here for long. He is not alone, we’ll be keeping a good eye on him. Our nurses are very caring and conscientious, and doctors are nearby 24/7.”

 

“I don’t doubt that but still… He’s just a kid.”

 

“I’m sorry, sir. Now, who is the one feeling under the weather?” – He asked Emily, clearly considering the argument closed and won.

 

Prentiss motioned towards Hotch who was still only half conscious and breathing heavily, as if he had run a marathon.

 

“There’s… nothing wrong… ahm…”

 

The doctor ignored the protests as he quickly but efficiently examined the weak man before turning back to the others.

 

“Well, congratulations. Somebody _is_ staying here near your friend after all. Mr…?”

 

“Hotchner. Aaron Hotchner. And I’m not---”

 

“Mr. Hotchner. If you’ll be kind enough to follow me, I’ll show you to your room for the day on the first floor.”

 

“I don’t need a---”

 

“This way, please.”

 

“No! I---”

 

“Mr. Hotchner. You’re dehydrated which is clearly visible on your lips and skin; you’re so dizzy you collapsed and can’t even sit straight even now; you’re shaking and if you tried, you wouldn’t even be able to lift that small plastic chair you’re currently barely managing not to slide off from. Your breathing is labored, and you seem to have muscle pain. Your heart is trying to jump out of your chest. These are all signs of severe exhaustion and if you don’t stop to give yourself time to rest and gather energy, you _will_ pass out and I’m not going to carry you on my shoulders, I can promise you that. Not to mention the heart attack you’re bound to give yourself. Any more questions?” – A stunned silence followed the doctor’s little rant. Nobody was able to utter a word. The man with the white coat smiled at his newest success. – “I thought so. Two of you will need to help him follow me.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Despite his continued protests during the long and grueling journey to the elevator then to the room readied for him (“When did the doctor arrange it anyway?” – Wondered Morgan, still resentful about the attitude.), Hotch fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He didn’t even register the IV being inserted into his arm by the frowning doctor.

 

“Will he be all right?” – Asked Rossi anxiously. He had been right before with his prediction: now they really had two teammates to worry about. Oh, how he hated being right at time like this!

 

“Of course. He just needs to sleep undisturbed for at least eight hours, eat a good meal afterwards, and then he’ll be fine. But listen here: I heard what happened to your friend and I understand your concern. I really do. But what you all have to understand is that this will be most probably a long-term condition, maybe even permanent…” – He ignored Garcia’s strangled cry. – “Sitting with him and staying awake the whole time won’t work. I don’t know him but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want you to run yourselves into the ground over him. And it doesn’t help him any.”

 

“But we were told he might hear us. In that case, we want him to know we haven’t abandoned him!” – Argued JJ.

 

The doctor sighed and ushered them out of the room before answering, so as not to disturb the resting man in there.

 

“But it doesn’t work like that. You don’t have to talk to him permanently for him to know that. _If_ he can hear you. We don’t know. But it’s sure that he also needs lots of rest, because this is his only chance. Let’s say he can hear you. Then if you’re talking to him all the time, he won’t sleep, he’ll want to listen to you constantly. And the he might be stressing about not being able to respond. That’s not good.”

 

“We haven’t thought of that.” – Admitted Gideon with a heavy heart. – “Then what do you suggest we do?”

 

“I suggest you work out a schedule for visiting him regularly, so that it can work even for months.”

 

Morgan’s eyes widened.

 

“MONTHS!?”

 

“You know it could be months, even years. Or forever. We can’t say now. You won’t be able to sit at his bedside the whole time; you’ll have to live your lives. Please, go home and think about it. Also, talk to his doctor. Make decisions and then keep to them. Now, excuse me please, I have other patients waiting.”

 

He left to do his job, his mind probably already somewhere else, but the remaining members of the BAU team with Gideon on their side stood rooted to the spot for a very long time.


	5. Disagreements

The decision they had to make turned out to be indeed very cruel and difficult: they had to look for a permanent place for Spencer to be transferred to soon, where they would have to leave their youngest to professional care, seeing that – as Hotch’s doctor had so bluntly but sadly rightfully pointed out – they wouldn’t be able to give up their lives and sit at his bedside for who knows how long… maybe _forever_ to take care of him. To ensure they had all the necessary information to choose the best option available, they had been provided with lots of reading material by the sympathetic hospital staff.

 

There were leaflets, giving insight into what and how comatose patients may perceive of their surroundings. From these they learnt that some people had recovered completely and reported remembering hearing voices and/or seeing lights and shadows, all the while feeling ‘trapped in their bodies’ or even ‘paralyzed’ and totally scared. That terrified them more than anything. Was Spencer actually awake somewhere deep inside his brilliant mind’s midst and experiencing these dreadful feelings too? Was he in pain, just unable to express it? How could they know? How could they make sure he didn’t suffer?

Then again, others said they had listened to their favorite music and rested comfortably the whole time, some even wishing they didn’t have to wake up…

 

According to another booklet, Dilaudid was a common medicine to be used on coma patients and some admitted later to have had frequent hallucinations because of it, like getting up from the bed and walking out onto the street in nothing but their hospital gown and similar things.

 

“We absolutely can’t allow them to use that on him! Hotch must step in as his medical power of attorney and forbid it! He’s had enough problems with that stuff already, he would never forgive us if we let them get him hooked again…”

 

“I know, JJ. Don’t worry, we’ll explain everything to Aaron and he will talk to Reid’s doctors about that.” – Assured Rossi and Gideon nodded gravely. He hadn’t thought the addiction had been that bad after he had left… He should have stayed and helped the boy, for God’s sake!

 

“Good.”

 

Reading more stories told by and about patients, they found there were also those who eventually did wake up but would never be the same as before ever again…

 

“This man woke after three months in a coma. He didn’t recognize his family and had no idea who he was! Couldn’t even tell his name.” – Informed Morgan the others. – “He thought he was 5 years old when, in reality, his age was 31…”

 

Garcia had opted to surf the internet instead of books, preferring her beloved computers for comfort to turning pages.

 

“A 16-year-old Atlanta boy woke up from a brief coma and only spoke Spanish after that… How is that possible? He hadn’t been fluent before.”

 

Gideon shook his head.

 

“I… I don’t really know but there is an article about this phenomenon here and it says they’re not _really_ speaking another language… They’ve just lost control over the way they’d normally pronounce sounds and it might sound foreign enough to be mistaken for another accent. Occasionally even a different language. It’s similar to aphasia.”

 

“ _Aphasia_!? There’s no way our genius wouldn’t find words to ramble! I refuse to believe it!” – Insisted Emily vehemently.

 

Garcia seemed to agree with her whole-heartedly.

 

“But Gideon, according to this study that teenager really did speak fluent Spanish. I don’t think that’s too hard to determine for anyone who understands the language.”

 

“I don’t know, Garcia. I’m just telling you what’s written here.”

 

They learnt that a coma (‘post‐traumatic vegetative state’) lasting over twelve months was medically considered ‘permanent’ and that it implied a very low probability of ever regaining consciousness again.

 

“But it doesn’t matter because he’ll wake up soon. Kid’s a fighter.” – Stated Rossi, hoping he was right because he couldn’t imagine the alternative or what it would do to their team. How could they function without their genius? Their little brother/son? He’d only been on the team a short time, but he could already see that the kid was the very heart; the center; of the group. Without him… not, it was impossible to even think about it.

 

“Please, never ever use the word ‘vegetative’ in connection with Reid again.” – Pleaded Emily, feeling that it sounded even more horrifying than calling it ‘coma’. – “Genius and vegetative don’t mix.”

 

Nobody could argue with that.

 

After learning as much as there was about coma (not that the knowledge was helping them any, to tell the truth…), the next step was looking over the list of possible institutions that dealt with patients in Reid’s condition. That was the point where it soon came to a big argument within the group, threatening to shatter the peace that had been so fragile between some of them to begin with.

 

“It has to be in Virginia of course.” – Said Derek, dismissing all the hospitals in other states right away. – “So only 6 possibilities remain and one is----”

 

“Excuse me, but why is it so evident that it has to be in Virginia?” – Asked Gideon, doing his best not to sound too challenging. At least, not right away. – “I don’t remember having decided it already and I haven’t left this room all afternoon.”

 

“Because…” – Said Morgan, as if talking to a small child who was being incredibly unreasonable. – “Quantico is in Virginia, and, in case you have forgotten already, _we_ work and mostly also live in Quantico or nearby.”

 

“So?”

 

“So? So!?” – Morgan now stood up from his position on the floor and took a decidedly threatening step towards his ex-teammate. – “What the hell does that mean? He will be where we are and period. We. Are. His. Only. Family.”

 

At that, Gideon stood up as well and faced the younger man with all the self-confidence he could muster.

 

“No ‘period’, Morgan. You’re not his only family. What about me? I don’t live in Virginia.”

 

“You? Who cares about _you_!? We don’t even know where you live! You left and never looked back!”

 

“You don’t know because you never asked! I can be there for him better than any of you! You’re out of the state more often than not. You’d never be able to visit him. I, on the other hand---”

 

“Don’t you dare say what we can or can’t do! You left us and that means you have no right whatsoever to have a vote in that decision!”

 

“Morgan, it’s no---” – Tried Rossi but he was soon shot down by a condemning look from the enraged young man. The girls were looking on in horrified fascination, not being able to say a word, still unsure about their own opinion. They had never seen Morgan behave like that with anyone who wasn’t an UnSub. They all knew he had a temper, but he had never directed it at either of them before. On the other hand, Gideon _had_ left them and wouldn’t even have known about Reid’s condition if they hadn’t looked for him and contacted him… Did he have a right to be included in making that decision?

 

“To hell with it! He thinks he comes back and can do anything! He thinks he’s still the father to Reid and can make calls regarding him like before. But Gideon, I have bitter news for you: he doesn’t need you anymore! You left, and he has _us_ now! The sooner you get used to it, the better for everyone!” – Garcia gasped and Emily made a grab for Morgan’s arm to get him calm down. The agent just pulled away and advanced on the flabbergasted Gideon again. – “I told Hotch it was a bad idea to call you at all. You don’t have a right to be here and I didn’t even want to inform you!”

 

“Now, you stop here, Derek Morgan!” – Shouted Gideon, seeing red and losing control altogether. Gone was any intention to remain somewhat civil to each other. – “Just because we’re not working together anymore, that boy is still like a son to me! And you don’t get to tell me what I can or cannot do with him! I was the one who found him and brought him onto the team in the first place! If not for me, you wouldn’t even know him!”

 

The others looked between them as if watching a tennis match.

 

“Oh, so I should be grateful and shut up because almost two years ago you ‘found him’ and ‘brought him’ to us? And that gives you the right to walk in and out of his life as you please!? He’s not your puppet, Gideon!”

 

“I live and teach in Houston; my life is there, and I have plenty of free time. I could be there for him daily while you all travel across the country. What is so hard to understand about this? And there are good hospitals nearby---”

 

“FORGET IT! He needs to be near us, not you!”

 

“Derek, please, it’s not the time…”

 

“It IS the time, JJ. It is the time he finally realized what a jerk he is!”

 

Gideon turned to the others.

 

“Why don’t we ask the rest of the team then, Morgan? It seems to me like you want to make all the decisions all by yourself, forgetting you’re not the only one affected by it! So: Garcia, JJ, Prentiss and Dave: what do you think? Do you all believe you could visit him every day, be with him and talk to him? What are you planning on doing when you’re away on cases? Or maybe none of you ever wants to have an own family or friends? You’d spend all the time you’re not working with him? Hmmm?”

 

“I… don’t really know… I’d do anything for him, no doubt about that… And I don’t usually travel with the group but I do work a lot and there’s Kevin who wants to spend more time together anyway… But it’s Baby Genius we’re talking about!” – Debated Garcia uncertainly.

 

JJ thought for a moment. She already had someone, though she wouldn’t say it out loud since it was still a well-kept secret.

 

“Well… We could take turns visiting him I guess… But of course, we’re mostly traveling together so it wouldn’t be easy either… And yes, we’re young and I’m sure our circumstances could change drastically over the years…”

 

“But we’re not talking about _years_ , JJ! Don’t let that old man mess with your head! The Kid will be fine soon!”

 

“You can’t know that, Derek.” – Reminded him Emily gently. – “You read the studies and reports with us. You know there’s no guarantee.”

 

“What is going on here!? What’s wrong with you all!? It’s Spencer! Our kid brother! You’d really let him be taken away from us? Really?” – Morgan had lost all sense of reality by now and screamed almost madly at everyone who dared as much as look at him.

 

“Nothing is wrong with anybody, Morgan.” – Intervened Gideon again, trying to calm the raging man. – “They’re just being realistic, as you should be. You’re young and busy. Working actively as agents, traveling all the time. You could visit him probably as much in Texas as in Virginia, it wouldn’t really matter. And you’d live your lives without feeling like you’re letting him down. You’d know I’m with him every day and that he’s not left alone. I’m an old man; as you so kindly pointed out; I’m not missing out on anything anymore, but you can’t expect JJ, Prentiss, Garcia or anyone else for that matter, to put a halt to their private lives like that!”

 

“You don’t get to tell me what I can expect of my teammates. MY family! You don’t know me, and you don’t know us! Not anymore. You’re just---"

 

Rossi couldn’t take this anymore.

 

“Stop it! Both of you! It’s not about fighting for leadership here! It’s not about you, Morgan, or about you, Jason or what either of _you_ wants. It is about the Kid as much as it’s about all of us. We’re in it together, and I’d like you not to forget that! We’d all do well to remember that when we’re making decisions. And we’re just looking at the options right now anyway. Or have you forgotten that Aaron isn’t even here with us right now, and that he’ll be the one with the final word? I haven’t heard any of you even mentioning him and what he’d might think of it all.”

 

Both man shook their heads, thoroughly chastised but still very angry. This argument was far from over; even the blind could see that. As a matter of fact, it had only just begun. Both were sure they knew what was best for Reid and the entire team, and neither of them was prepared to let the other win this particular battle.

 

Morgan threw Gideon a death glare that would have sent any lesser man running into the opposite direction in tears but didn’t have any effect on the recipient whatsoever, before going back to their current task: reading up everything there was to know about long-term care facilities for comatose patients. This time they were careful not to dismiss too obviously any of these, regardless of their location.


	6. Hard Decisions

_31-months-old Spencer Reid was sitting cross-legged at the top of the stairs in the tiny landing of their two-story Las Vegas rural house just out of sight, and listened with a heavy heart to his parents fighting downstairs in the living room – again. Most toddlers his age had safety gates in the doorway of their rooms to prevent them from walking out and getting too close to the stairs… He didn’t. His parents had bought one a long time ago, probably even before he’d been born, but then his father had forgotten to put it up and his mother didn’t find it necessary at all, so now it was up to him to look out for himself._

_He didn’t mind. Ever since he had learnt to crawl at the tender age of six months old, he had held his freedom of movement in high regard. Luckily, his mom didn’t even realize the danger most of the time and his dad just didn’t care, so he was left alone to roam the house as he wished._

_During one of his adventures he had found a deck of old playing cards in one of the boxes in the laundry room. He’d had to climb into the box for it and then struggle to get out again, but it had been worth the trouble. Spencer didn’t really have any toys; not that he minded it. But these cards had helped him through many boring, lonely days when his mother wouldn’t come out of the bedroom the whole time and his father was away working. The only game he could play with them was solitaire. He didn’t think he’d ever learn anything else either, since, if the internet was to be trusted, this was the only one you could play alone._

_He now had the cards spread out on the carpet as he sat there, playing and eavesdropping._

_His parents were still arguing, and it was getting worse by the minute. Despite his young age Spencer could already categorize their constant arguments in three different topics:_

_One of their favorite subjects was the amount of time his father spent out of the house, away from his family. He claimed he was working hard for the money to keep his family going and living comfortably. His mother was sure however, it was because he was running away from them and their problems, using work as an excuse not to have to be at home._

_The second recurring battle of words was about his mother’s illness. Spencer didn’t really understand much of it; he only knew his mother wasn’t like other, ‘normal’ mothers: she didn’t like cooking because the lingering smell of food in the house made her sick, so she mostly just made her son a sandwich, whenever she remembered it was time to eat. His father thought it wasn’t healthy, but the little boy honestly couldn’t see what the fuss was about. He was perfectly capable of putting some Nutella on a slice of bread on his own, thank you very much, and only once had he cut himself with the knife while doing so. But it had been a long time ago, he’d only been a baby back then. He was a big boy now, so it was all right._

_His mother also liked to read 15th Century English literature (Spencer didn’t have an idea what ‘15th century’ was but it sounded serious) to the little boy in the evenings (or anytime she thought was evening…) while his father said a child that young had no way of understanding big words like ‘prosperity’, ‘sovereign’ or ‘bargain’, and if he did, he really shouldn’t hear anything written by Chaucer in The Canterbury Tales. Again: what was the matter with that? He even liked listening to the original, middle-age English text, which was much more difficult to follow, filled with words like ‘betwixt’ and ‘distreyne’. So, what? His mother had explained them all to him already and it was fun learning about how the language had changed over time. (His mom called this ‘history’ while he only liked to call it ‘story time’) Still, his father thought it wasn’t normal, therefore it had to stop. And if he was already by ‘normal’…_

_“There’s something wrong with that boy, Diana, can’t you see it? Everyone has realized it by now but you! You’re blind to that and too stubborn to acknowledge the fact that we might need professional help with him!”_

_Yes, the third most frequent topic: Spencer himself, and how abnormal he was, according to his father… and ‘everyone’ else, it would seem._

_“He’s a completely normal little boy, Bill. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_His father gave a forced, dry laugh. Spencer could already tell it wasn’t a happy laugh but a sarcastic one. Or at least his mom called it ‘sarcastic’, Spencer preferred the word ‘mean’._

_“Let’s see. For example, about the fact that he still hasn’t said a word and he’s 2,5 years old! Other children speak in complete sentences by that age!”_

_“He probably just doesn’t have anything to say! Not everyone feels the need to listen to their own voice all the time, you know; it’s just the lawyers.”_

 

_“Go to hell, Diana!” – His father spat angrily. – “I tried asking him questions, making him talk. Nothing.”_

_“Well, he can hear you just fine, you know. He knows what you think about him; so why on Earth would he want to share his thoughts with you?”_

_“He doesn’t understand that! He’s just a baby! And he doesn’t have_ thoughts _! He should be able to say when he’s hungry or ask for water! He should say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ already and call us Mommy and Daddy! I’m not expecting him to present a lecture about Shakespeare’s tragedies!”_

_“Well, maybe he’d be more interested in that. He enjoyed it very much when I read Hamlet to him a few weeks ago.”_

_“What the hell, Diana!?”_

_“I just thought not only the 15th century England had good literature and that I should probably widen his interests…”_

_“You’re crazy! If he’ll turn out to be like you, I swear I’ll…”_

_“What will you do then?” – His mother asked challengingly. – “Tell me, Bill? Will you leave us? Go away and never look back like you have threatened to do so many times already?”_

_“Maybe I will.”_

_“You know where the door is then. You use it quite a lot.”_

_There was a loud bang; something – probably his father’s fist, thought Spencer, wincing in sympathy – hitting the coffee table._

_“And what about the fact that he’s half the size and third the weight of others his age? Or that he doesn’t seem to be interested in meeting other children? I tried getting him to befriend that three years old boy two houses down; Spencer wouldn’t even really look at him! How is that normal?”_

_“Children this age don’t usually play with each other and certainly not because someone orders them to.”_

_“Keep telling yourself that. Those two girls across from us? They’re only eighteen months old; I asked. And they play together.”_

_“They’re girls and twins. That’s totally different. Spencer has never been around other children.”_

_“And whose fault is that? You’re sitting cooped up in the house with him all the time. Why don’t you take him out sometimes? Has he even ever been in the park?”_

_“I… just don’t… I…”_

_“I know you don’t. And have you realized he’s walking around clutching books? Not toys, for God’s sake; books!”_

_“He likes reading, there’s nothing wrong with that.”_

_There was a loud,_ exasperated _sigh. Spencer was proud to have remembered that word, as he had just learnt it a few days ago._

_“He’s two and a half; he can’t read, Diana.”_

_“Says who?”_

_“EVERYONE! Everyone who has some common sense knows babies don’t read!”_

_But why couldn’t he read? Letters weren’t difficult to remember, there wasn’t that many of them. Letters represented sounds which formed words. Words formed sentences. Sentences formed stories. Stories had a beginning, a middle and an end. There were heroes and foes and the good ones usually won. They were complete. These were all easy things to understand. But most people (for example his father) usually just talked a lot without really saying anything useful. They didn’t use, they_ misused _their beautiful language which, in his humble opinion, should be considered a crime. Understanding_ people like that _was much more difficult than reading ever could be…_

_“Maybe_ babies _don’t. But_ he _does. He’s not just a random toddler, Bill, he’s your son. Why don’t you try to get to know him? He loves books; his current favorite is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And he reads it, yes. He also likes the Paddington series. I don’t read these to him because he doesn’t need help with children’s literature.”_

_“He can’t read! He can’t even speak!”_

_“He can, he just doesn’t want to.”_

_“Oh, yes? And why not?”_

_Because Chaucer, Shakespeare and Roald Dahl only talked when they had something to say, and it made much more sense than throwing random cruel things at each other just because we’re afraid of silence._

_Spencer wasn’t afraid of silence. He was afraid of talking unnecessarily and involuntarily saying the wrong thing._

_“Maybe because he’s smart enough to realize that in that wrenched house nobody gets a say in anything but you!”_

_There was another loud bang – the front door – and then, finally, peace, only occasionally broken by the muffled sobs of his mother and the little boy quickly gathering the cards and shuffling his feet on the carpet as he dragged himself back into his room to look for a new book to read. He chose Matilda this time, wanting to find out if she was feeling the same pain in her chest when her parents couldn’t relate to her. She was different after all, just like him._

_He wondered for the hundredth time what his father really expected of him. Why should he talk when he could be screaming, and the man still wouldn’t hear a word he said?_

It was already around noon the next day when Hotch’s strict doctor had finally deemed him rested and healthy enough to be discharged. Rossi had picked up their disgruntled unit chief and – after a quick visit to Reid whose condition hadn’t changed during the night at all – driven him back to the hotel where everyone else was already anxiously awaiting the boss, needing him to make a decision before they’d kill each other over it.

 

The senior profiler had already filled him in on the happenings during the drive, so Hotch now stood in front of the expectant group with a disappointed expression on his face.

 

“I hear there have been some disagreements yesterday about Spencer’s future arrangements?” – This must have been the understatement of the year but of course, nobody wished to voice it, so everyone just nodded wordlessly. – “I would like to hear everyone’s opinion but…” – He held up his hand quickly as soon as he saw Morgan, Gideon and JJ open their mouths as the same time, ready to begin shouting, arguing and rambling aimlessly again. – “… we’ll do it like normal, civilized people, not like a herd of screaming banshees.” – Rossi couldn’t hold back a chuckle and Hotch shot him a disapproving glare. – “Understood?” – He asked all the members of their gathering.

 

“Yes, sir.” – Nodded Emily and Garcia quickly joined.

 

“Good. Now, who would like to begin?” – Morgan and Gideon started talking at once, trying to shout over each other. – “All right. I think I haven’t made myself clear enough after all. Jason and Morgan: you’ll have to wait for your turn. Garcia!”

 

“Ahm… sir?”

 

“Would you please be kind enough to begin?”

 

“Ahm… okay… So, it’s like… I mean…”

 

“It’s okay, Penelope. Just say it. We’ll understand.” – Assured her JJ, taking a hold of her hand. The technical analyst seemed to gain some confidence from it, and began again, this time more calmly:

 

“Sir, you know we all love Baby Boy like a little brother. This will never, ever change. Just because we don’t agree on what would be best for him, it doesn’t mean we don’t all want the best.”

 

“Yes, Garcia, I know. What do _you_ think might be the best?” – Asked Hotch patiently, taking a seat and motioning to everyone who wasn’t seated already, to follow suit.

 

“I think he shouldn’t remain alone for long, because, having read everything we could find about coma patients, we still can’t know if he can hear or feel us be there… If he can, he shouldn’t think we’ve abandoned him. So, we should look for an option that allows him to have a visitor as often as possible. And we have to keep in mind that this could go on for… long. Very long.” – She hung her head sadly. – “That’s it sir, sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”

 

“You’ve been an immense help, Garcia. JJ?” – Asked Hotch, turning towards her.

 

“I agree with Penelope. It’s about Spence here, not about us. He can’t count on his parents, so he only has us. We’ll have to think of a way to make sure he won’t feel like he’s abandoned. We’ll need to work out how we can visit him the best and where he has to stay for that. Virginia might sound like the most logical choice at first glance but I’m not entirely sure it’s true if we really examine our circumstances---”

 

“JJ, how could you?” – Interrupted him Morgan, feeling betrayed.

 

“Morgan!” – Warned Hotch again. – “We’re listening to everyone and we all are going to speak our minds without being judged for it! JJ, please. Go on.”

 

“I don’t want to ‘betray’ anyone!” – She said. – “I want to look for a solution that’s best for us all. We are traveling a lot and we’re traveling together, so we couldn’t even make a rotation for visiting him! Even if Penelope stays in Quantico mostly, she’s still working and couldn’t go into the hospital. Not to mention that yes, Gideon was right: we do have private lives. It just wouldn’t work; not regularly.”

 

Hotch nodded, deep in thoughts, ignoring Morgan who was nearly jumping out of his chair.

 

“Emily?”

 

The dark-haired woman sighed.

 

“Logically, we all know we’re not really suited for permanent responsibilities. Sorry…” – She quickly added when she saw the unit chief flinch. His marriage had just ended because of lack of time for his family after all… - “But it’s true, I even need babysitter for my cat and all my potted plants wither within a month. We’re working, we’re traveling… We might not even remain in Quantico forever. I mean, I don’t want to leave the BAU!” – She hurriedly assured, seeing JJ’s horrified expression. – “But we can’t see into the future. But, of course, that’s true for all of us.” – She added, looking at Gideon. She sighed again. – “This is certainly not easy. Reid is our little brother. One thing is sure: we can never let him down. He deserves the best. If we have to be selfless for that, I’m prepared to do so.”

 

“Morgan?”

 

Finally, having been given the opportunity to speak, the agitated man jumped up and began pacing the small hotel room like a caged animal.

 

“For me it’s quite evident: he needs _us_. Not someone who abandoned him without a second thought when he was suffering from the aftereffects of his kidnapping and torture. US! His family! We were there for him then and we’ll need to be there for him now. If I have to give up my career for him then so be it. I will! But I will not have him taken away from us, especially now when he needs our support more than ever before, including the time after Hankel!”

 

“How do you propose we arrange visitations if he’s in Virginia and what would you advise we do if he is in Texas? Derek?”

 

“He absolutely cannot be in Texas! Hotch, you’re not really thinking---”

 

“That’s not what I asked. I asked how you picture this in our everyday lives. I want your opinion. I’m listening. Tell me, please.”

 

“Well, if he’s in Virginia then he’s right there, with us. Where we work and live. We can go see him every day and when he wakes up, we’ll be there in the blink of an eye. It wouldn’t be possible any other way.”

 

“And what about when we’re on a case at the other end of the country, hundreds of miles away from him?”

 

“Then we’ll jump into the jet and head home if anything happens.”

 

“And if he’s in Texas? Just in theory; before you take off my head!”

 

“I… don’t know… I guess we’ll take the jet and then go there… Ahm… But you can’t deny we spend more time in Quantico than in Houston!”

 

“No, I can’t and I’m not denying it. Anything else you’d like to add?”

 

“Only that you can’t let him be taken away, Hotch!” – Okay, now he was positively pleading. But he didn’t care, it was about his little brother! He’d do anything for him! – “I’ll resign if I have to, I mean it.” – And he did.

 

Hotch rubbed his eyes tiredly and heaved a big sigh. He could feel another headache approaching.

 

“Jason?”

 

“Listen, I understand your point of view, Morgan. I honestly do. But I have a different opinion.”

 

“That’s what we’d like to hear now, Jason…” – Said Hotch.

 

“Right. Well, I think it would be better to everyone if Spencer were close to me. For one, because, as many of you said before: you travel a lot, so there’s not really a place permanently near to you. Isn’t that a constant problem for you and your relationships? Because I know what it’s like, don’t forget: I was there. You’re always all over the place; if we look at it like that, it doesn’t really matter where Spencer is, you’ll most probably have to take a plane to visit him anyway.”

 

“The hell!”

 

“ _MORGAN_! You already had your turn and we listened to you without interruptions.”

 

“Sorry, Rossi, but--”

 

“No buts, Derek. Jason, go on.”

 

“But there’s also something else: I have an apartment in Houston and I teach there at the university. I give classes Monday to Friday until early afternoon and I’m free every evening and on weekends. I don’t have a family close by, even though I’ve made up with Stephen somewhat and we occasionally talk on the phone, I don’t have regular commitments. To put it simply: I have the time for the boy. And I love him. I’d do anything for him just like you and, right now, I can do it more than you. You’re young and just beginning your lives and careers. You’ll have spouses, kids. You might move away, have different jobs with time… I’ve had it all already and I’m not looking for more.”

 

“But wasn’t it exactly what you didn’t want anymore? Commitments?” – Inquired Hotch. – “When you left the way you did, I tried to make some sense of it. I couldn’t for a while. And then, after what happened with Haley I… I thought I finally understood: you wanted away from it all. You didn’t want to have that responsibility and that constant pressure. Teaching isn’t the same. And you’ve found your peace. You seem happy. Why would you offer to give it up?”

 

“Because of Spencer. The boy that’s like a son to me.”

 

“He didn’t keep you from leaving, Gideon! What changed now?”

 

“Derek…”

 

“No, Aaron, it’s fine. It’s a valid question.” – Gideon’s eyes teared up a bit, but he didn’t let them fall. – “I made a very big mistake by leaving like that. I can see that now. And especially when… But I can’t undo it now. It happened and I’m ashamed. What I can do however is be there for him now. I would like to. And for you all. It wouldn’t mean you couldn’t come any time you wished; I don’t want him for myself (“I’d like to see you try that!” – Shouted Morgan angrily.), I just want to be there as much as possible. I think that’s it. I can’t really say more. Maybe just that I’m sorry.”

 

Hotch turned to the last one who hadn’t offered his opinion yet.

 

“Dave? What do _you_ think?”

 

Rossi remained silent for a long second before saying:

 

“I don’t know if I have the right to say anything, seeing that I’m new on the team… But there’s one thing I do know: it’s very obvious we all love him very much and we all want what’s best for him. It’s also quite understandable that we all have different opinions. I haven’t spent much time with that boy, but I think I already learnt about him that he’d hate for us to argue like that and hurt each other over him. He also wouldn’t want anyone to give up anything or make drastic changes. He’s just not like that. He’s naturally shy and never wants to cause any trouble; he’d much sooner choose not to ask for help if he thought it would be an inconvenience to us. I believe we shouldn’t forget that because, eventually, it all comes down to him and what would make him happiest.” – Everyone, even Morgan looked sheepish a bit. – “I also offer any kind of help I can give, regardless of where he’ll be. I’ll make sure his mother is all right and cared for. I’ll make sure he won’t lose his apartment or, if he does, he’ll still have somewhere to go home to when he wakes up and that he won’t lose his possessions. I’ll do anything to help because there are other things beside visits he’ll need in a situation like that.”

 

“Thank you, Dave; I think I can say for everyone that it means a lot. Now, I need some time to make a few calls and to… think… about this all. I can’t make a rush decision; the consequences will be on me. Right now, we have to try and put aside our differences. For Spencer’s sake. And also, there’s Cooper’s team. They have arrived and are in their respective rooms in that very hotel. We need to talk to them and brief them on what we already know about the case. We can’t forget: there’s still a serial killer out there and the victims are children. After that, we’ll meet here again, say, at 8 PM? By that time, I hope I’ll be able to tell you what I chose to do.”

 

“I’ll go and visit Spencer while you’re talking to Sam and his team.” – Declared Gideon and swiftly walked out, leaving the others to slowly file out as well, preparing themselves to behave like professional profilers again instead of the grieving mess they really were in that precise moment.

_Spencer Reid was nearly six years old and he had no doubts at all that his father was deeply disappointed in him. He had been three when he had eventually understood that William Reid thought him to be mentally impaired and, back then, he had believed this to be the reason for the man’s obvious aversion towards his son, so, finally, the little boy had decided to break his long silence and show his dad otherwise. Now, almost three years later, he still wished he hadn’t done that._

_If his father had been avoiding him before, now he was literally fearing his son like you would a vicious hurricane about to hit your house; it seemed like finding out your son was a certified genius hadn’t helped matters in the Reid household at all._

_Spencer was now in junior high school (he had jumped over a few, totally boring grades), and being around much older children had taught him that this particular perception usually only happened much later to teenagers in life. And yet, the nearly six years old child already knew with total certainty: his father and him had absolutely nothing whatsoever in common._

_William Reid was a man of many words. He could talk for hours even if he had nothing to say. Very common for lawyers, Spencer supposed, but it still didn’t make him happier about it. His father wasn’t at home much but when he was, nobody could forget it for a second. He asked questions, he argued about tiny details, he explained his views of the world, and he sometimes even shouted in anger, though now not so often as before._

_Spencer, on the other hand, liked the quiet and peacefulness of his tiny bedroom and the company of his many books. His head was usually about to explode with ideas and thoughts anyway, he really didn’t need outside voices penetrating his ears and crowding his brain even more. He had once read a study about something called ‘sensory overload’ and he had felt like it was describing him personally whenever he was amongst many people, all talking and moving around at the same time, confusing him to no end with their behaviors. It was creepy to read but also strangely reassuring to find that it was something that even had a name, meaning he wasn’t the only one with this problem._

_William Reid had once, a long time ago, wished for a child, especially a son. He really had, his mother had told him about it a lot as if it had been a fairy tale. He had dreamt about playing soccer with his little boy, about going camping and organizing birthday parties for him in the garden with dozens of children playing silly games and grinning ear to ear._

_And yet, when he had gotten a son, the boy hadn’t turned out to be like that at all. Spencer was literally afraid of any balls being thrown at him and thanked God for the benefits of being the youngest in his class; he had, naturally, gotten an exemption from PE on his very first day at each of his schools, none of the teachers wanting to take on the responsibility for a child this small and fragile being around much older teenagers while they were running around and being competitive in sports. He was doing advanced Math instead during those periods and he enjoyed it immensely. Camping just wasn’t his thing at all, since there was no way he could take enough books with him in his backpack to keep him occupied for even a weekend and a bored Spencer made for an annoying Spencer. (His father’s words, honest.) Not to mention the fact that he didn’t have any friends to invite to birthday parties and didn’t even know the names of all the neighbors or his classmates… He had a great mind, he knew that, but maintaining it required him to select and dismiss unnecessary information so that he could focus on the important ones. Names of faceless people didn’t matter._

_All in all: he was a huge disappointment to his father._

_His classmates found him either ‘incredibly adorable, like a little puppy’ (usually the girls) or ‘a stupid know-it-all and a freak’ (the boys, mostly). The girls liked to pinch his cheeks or pet his hair, while the boys tripped him in the corridors or kicked his chair in the classroom until it tipped over and he fell painfully against the desk behind him. He couldn’t decide what was worst: hitting himself hurt physically, of course, but being touched in any way was just as bad. It might be only him though, because he frequently saw girls hugging each other or couples walking while holding hands… also, his teachers, who seemed to have an almost grotesque fascination with him (with his mind, more like…) always insisted on shaking his hand after any kind of achievement as a show of affection and congratulation. Yuck._

_His father had certainly been right about one thing: Spencer wasn’t normal. He was different from everyone else, just like his mother was different too. They were even very different from each other: while his mother’s condition was slowly but steadily deteriorating over the years and she shut herself away from the world more and more, Spencer wanted to learn everything there was to know, get to know the world around him and get away from home as soon as possible. Graduation and collage couldn’t come soon enough… Since he didn’t feel like he had anyone to turn to, he had long decided to take his life into his own hands._

It was exactly 8 PM when Hotch walked into Rossi’s hotel room – the designated somewhat ‘neutral’ place for group meetings like that – and found all the others already present and fidgeting.

 

As soon as he spotted the unit chief, Morgan couldn’t contain himself any longer:

 

“So? What’s the verdict, Judge?”

 

Hotch looked around, meeting everyone’s eyes individually before sitting down onto the only available chair. He knew very well that not everyone would be satisfied with his decision – how would it even be possible with such different, contradictory opinions? – but he honestly believed he had come up with the best solution for everyone. He had listened to each of the arguments and carefully filed them away in his mind for later. He had then made lots of phone calls and talked to numerous people. After that, he had sat down at the desk in his own room and outlined different scenarios, examining them from all angles. Nobody could say he hadn’t thought it through.

 

And now it was time to tell the others.

 

“As his boss and the medical power of attorney, I have made a decision about Spencer’s hospitalization.”


	7. Delivering the News

_At nine years of age, Spencer knew he was very smart. He was going to high school and he would graduate soon at the top of his class. This wasn’t something he was particularly proud of, or something he thought about a lot. It was just a simple fact; a fact like the word ‘schoolmaster’ being an anagram for ‘the classroom’ or the Olympus Mons on Mars being the largest mountain in the whole solar system_ _with its height of nearly 72,000 feet. He also knew, when it came to his parents, he wasn’t only smart; he was also_ wise, _which was probably even more important._

_He understood and accepted that his mother was sick. Very much so. She loved her so, there could be no question about that, she just had trouble showing it because she couldn’t always connect correctly to her otherwise brilliant brain and thus, sometimes didn’t have control over her emotions and actions. During these periods, she could say very hurtful things and sometimes even physically hurt him. Some people would say it was ‘abuse’ but he didn’t think you could consider any action that if it wasn’t intentional. And bruises faded quickly, so it didn’t matter. Whatever she did, it was never nearly as bad as what he had to endure from his schoolmates on a daily basis. If he didn’t complain in the school, why should he do it at home? He loved his mother very much and would do anything to help her with her problems._

_He’d known for a long time not to hope for any understanding from his father; neither in that matter, nor in anything else. No problem, he had learnt to live with it. Of course, somewhere deep down, he loved William – he_ was _his father after all – but the little boy couldn’t claim to have a very close relationship with him. The two males in the Reid household both had their own, quite different opinions of the world and completely contrasting goals in their lives. They respected each other’s views and tried not to bother the other too much with their presence. Simply put: they avoided each other whenever possible. Most of the time, this wasn’t difficult to achieve at all, since William Reid didn’t spend many hours a day at home and, when he did, he usually shut himself into his study to ‘work’ on his cases. As to Spencer, he liked spending time in his bedroom, reading book after book that all began with ‘once upon a time’ and finished with a happy ending, or completing crosswords and playing solitaire… anything really, just to stay out of the way of both of his parents._

_Because of all these, Spencer wasn’t particularly surprised or even very shattered when one day in late October, just a few days before Halloween, his father announced he was leaving for good._

_“But, Bill, you can’t go!” – Cried his mother desperately. – “What about our family? What about your son? You know that I… that I have this… problem…”_

_“Oh, yes, Diana, I know that very well.”_

_“But then how could you do this to us? What will happen to Spencer, Bill?”_

_“Spencer…” – His father said slowly, as if said little boy weren’t standing right next to him in the kitchen, watching their verbal battle warily. – “… can look out for himself; he’s a very clever boy. It’s not like he needs me.”_

_“But he needs a parent! I’m not sure I’m good enough for him when… things happen in my mind and I can’t think straight.”_

_“It’s okay, Mom.” – The boy tried to assure her before she worked herself into a full-blown panic attack. Again… Because then she certainly wouldn’t be what you’d call a ‘fitting parental figure’ for a while. He could still vividly remember the last time it had happened a couple of months ago… – “It will be fine, you’ll see. We’ll be all right.”_

_“Baby, you can’t understand this yet.”_

_Yeah, of course, how could he understand? It wasn’t him who had to listen to them arguing about every single stupid little thing his whole life, was he? Oh, how he wished sometimes that he hadn’t even be born! Maybe then his parents wouldn’t have stayed together until they came to literally despise each other. His mom had told him they had been in love once… a long time ago. Probably in a galaxy far, far away…_

_“Diana, I’m going. I’m sorry, I’ve made my decision and it’s final. I just can’t do this anymore. This isn’t a family; maybe it never was.”_

_“Then at least take him with you. Please. I can’t…”_

_Spencer turned to her in disbelief so quickly his neck cracked, and he thought his head would fly off._

_But his father just calmly shook his head._

_“You know I can’t do that. My lifestyle isn’t suited to be a single parent.”_

_“Mine isn’t either! I’m not well, and you know that! You’ve been saying it for years!”_

_“And you’ve been telling me the whole time I’m wrong! Now it’s your opportunity to prove it!”_

_Were they really having a shouting match about_ him _? About how none of them wanted him? Did he hear all right or was that just some cruel nightmare? Was he even awake or dreaming!?_

_“Bill, don’t do this, please!”_

_“I’m going.” – With that, he picked up his traveling bag that contained all his personal belongings and opened the front door. He was halfway out already when he stopped and shot a quick glance at the trembling boy. – “I’m honestly very sorry, son. Goodbye.” – His father had never spoken so softly to him before! Spencer nearly burst out in tears but then the magic was broken, and William was gone. Spencer knew without having to think about it much that he’d never hear from the man ever again. He also knew he wouldn’t read any more fairy tales. Happy end didn’t happen in real life, so why bother with stories about something that didn’t exist?_

_As he was comforting his uncontrollably sobbing mother, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t wanted here at all and still: could he ever go? What about his mother then, what would become of her? She wasn’t capable of living alone, everyone could see that. What about his plans though?_

_He had wanted to go far away to college after finishing high school and live on his own. But like this? How? His father had made a decision and that had changed everything for him as well. It was so cruel, selfish and unfair!_

_Spencer understood at that moment that his father had, for once in his life, taught him an important lesson: anything you did had an effect on the world and on the people around you and, whatever happened, you were responsible for the results of your choices._

Hotch sighed.

 

“There are many things to discuss. First of all, I talked to Bennington. Spencer’s mother still can’t remember him, so there’s no point to upsetting her with the news. She’s blissfully unaware of everything going on right now. Also, I learnt that she could live undisturbed in the institute for around three years more with what Spencer has already paid them.”

 

“What? How is that possible? It must cost a fortune!” – Marveled JJ.

 

“Yes, Hotch.” – Nodded Emily. – “Are you sure about this? There’s no way Reid had so much money.”

 

“I’m sure; I talked to the director personally and I asked at least three times. I don’t know how he did it. He must have given up everything for his mother’s care and then some… His salary, while exceptional for someone his age, isn’t that high.”

 

“Nobody’s is…” – Muttered Gideon. – “Bennington is one of the most respected facilities in the United States. I always wondered how he did it…”

 

“Clearly, Baby Genius has some hidden talents beside the obvious ones.” – Garcia sounded so incredibly proud that nobody had the heart to comment on the too optimistic use of present tense. Who knew if he’d ever wake? Or if he did, would he be as smart as before? Would they even recognize him? Would _he_ recognize _them_? None of them wanted to even think about these questions for now.

 

“Well, at least we don’t have to worry about that. I also talked to the Director. We’re expected back at work next week. And I got a written promise from him that Spencer won’t be replaced for a year. We may get temporary members but whenever Spencer’s ready, the place is his to take. He’ll still remain a member of our team.”

 

“For a year…” – Specified Morgan.

 

Hotch turned to him.

 

“Yes. It’s more than I thought we’d get and hopefully far more than what he’ll need to come back. If not, then… well… we’ll cross the bridge when we get there.”

 

“And what about his apartment?” – Asked Rossi, already guessing the answer.

 

“He’s renting it. I haven’t talked to the owner yet but I believe we won’t be able to keep it for long with what he gets for the time of the sick leave, and it looks like all his savings went to his mother’s account for Bennington.” – He explained sadly. – “He didn’t leave anything for himself.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Aaron.” – Assured Rossi. – “Just give me the number of the owner and I’ll talk to him.”

 

“Thank you, Dave. I can’t even begin to tell you…” – His voice hitched a bit from emotion. It wasn’t easy to be responsible for snooping around in the young man’s life like that. – “Anyway, whatever he does to earn the extra money he so obviously has, we can’t help him with, since we don’t know anything about it.” – He said gravely.

 

“I can do some digging, see if I can find it out.” – Volunteered Penelope helpfully, knowing how important it was to keep the boy’s life afloat so that he’d be able to continue once he woke up.

 

“Thank you, Garcia, that would be great.”

 

Gideon tried to think back to the times he spent with his ‘son’.

 

“Garcia, begin with the universities in and near Washington D.C. I think he might do some research there, because he used to be interested in that before too. I believe, if I hadn’t brought him to the FBI when I did, he might have ended up staying at Cal-Tech. He could be giving lectures and publishing articles as well. He’s always been a great asset to his schools, I don’t see why it would have changed.”

 

“Yes, sir, that’s a good idea.”

 

“So, Hotch.” – Began Morgan and everyone already knew from the change of his tone and stance what he was about to ask. – “Now that we’ve covered everything else: will you tell us already which institute you have chosen for him?”

 

Hotch looked at every member of the team, and saw how anxious they all were. There was no stalling it anymore.

 

“In agreement with Spencer’s doctors here and the director and doctors as well as nurses of the facility, I chose the hospital of the Brain Trauma Research Center in Houston.”


	8. Stand by your Choices

Complete silence followed Hotch’s words; you could have heard a pin drop. Finally, after two agonizingly long minutes, Morgan said in a dangerously low whisper:

 

“Excuse me? I think I heard you wrong. I think I heard you say: _Houston_. Which isn’t possible, of course. Is it, Hotch?” – His voice was full of venom and sounded very threatening, though also incredibly desperate.

 

The unit chief looked around and saw that nobody else seemed offended by the decision; if anything, they seemed somewhat _relieved_ to finally know what would happen and how to proceed. And Gideon… he was happy about it, quite obviously.

 

“No, Morgan, you heard me just fine. I think---”

 

“Go to hell then, Hotch! You’re abusing your position of power here; do you know that!?”

 

“How exactly am I doing it, Morgan? I needed to make a decision and I have. Whatever my choice, somebody could say they don’t agree but does that really mean I’m abusing my power? You can’t mean that! Pull yourself together, we need to think of Spencer and what he’d want!”

 

“It seems I’m the only one thinking of the kid right now! You, on the other hand, just want to get rid of him and the problem!”

 

“That’s not true, Derek, we all love him just like you do.” – Assured Garcia mortified at the very idea that her ‘Chocolate Adonis’ would think anything else, but Morgan didn’t even look at her. She burst out in tears at his dismissing manner and uncharacteristic behavior, and Emily and JJ both embraced her as the raging man just continued throwing offending words at their boss, this time already shouting loud enough for everyone in the hotel to hear.

 

“I’ve had enough of you thinking you can do anything within this unit just because you’re the boss! I don’t agree with half your orders but I’m following them because I have to respect the chain of command. But this? This is a hit below the belt and you know it! You’re not acting as unit chief right now, you’re the boy’s medical power of attorney. It’s not the same thing; it can’t be your call alone now! You’re not listening to reason!”

 

“You’re being unfair---”

 

“No, YOU’RE being complete moron!”

 

Hotch was becoming increasingly angry and wanted to put an end to the discussion as soon as possible, before either of them said anything they’d regret forever.

 

“You’re hurting, Morgan, I get that. Bur you’re not the only one and getting personal won’t you help with that. Now, I’m going to give you my reasons but if you feel you can’t listen to me without interrupting every second, then I suggest you go and cool down instead.”

 

“You can bet I’m going. I can’t stand to be in the same room with a traitor like you!” – With that, he was gone, and Garcia began to cry in earnest. Was their whole team, their family, falling apart?

 

_His father had walked out of the house never to return again nearly two months ago. Had Spencer expected things to be easy without him, he would have been disappointed by now. Luckily, he’d had enough common sense to know that life, for him, was never simple and most probably never would be._

_Exactly a month and two days after the final ‘goodbye’, the divorce papers were delivered to his mother who had signed everything without reading through them while Spencer was away at school, oblivious to the lurking danger. Upon returning home he’d been greeted by the stack of official documents piled neatly on the kitchen table, and a feeling of dread appeared instantly in the pit of his stomach._

_He was only nine and in no way a lawyer but even he could see right away the devastating results of the enforced arrangement: William Reid had very generously transferred his half of the house over to Diana, along with the mortgage that went hand in hand with it. In return for the ‘favor’ he ‘only’ took the car, the savings of the family (including stocks and the amount in different bank accounts) and about half their furniture. Not that Spencer minded not having a TV, but it looked ridiculous keeping an empty television stand in the living room, so he had put a potted plant on it. They now didn’t own a microwave and only had two sets of cutleries (apparently, his father had decided for them they’d never have guests over for dinner anyway), not to mention that Spencer’s favorite fluffy deep purple bath towel seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. He was only glad they didn’t own a dog, otherwise, he felt sure, his father would have taken it as well._

_Naturally, he hadn’t fought for his_ son _. As a matter of fact, there was no word in the documents wasted on visitation rights or child support at all; as if Spencer didn’t even exist. ‘Your loss,_ dad _. See if I care.’ – He had thought while reading the papers. The problem was: he did care. It hurt to be forgotten like that, whether he wanted to admit it or not. It was one thing to know deep down his own father didn’t love him and completely different to see it literally spelled out like that. Or in this particular case: NOT see himself mentioned anywhere at all. What kind of person remembered to come back for the lawn mower but not his own son!?_

_The other very pressing matter was the money. Having the whole house to keep and the entire amount of monthly mortgage to pay wouldn’t have been an easy task for anyone who wasn’t a successful lawyer like his father, but for Diana Reid, it was completely impossible since, by now, she was unable to as much as leave the house on her own, let alone get and keep a steady job. Her days as a professor were long gone and forgotten._

_She didn’t seem too worried though; she had chosen the easiest way to deal with the problems: ignoring them altogether. She usually spent her days lying in bed, reading Chaucer, Poe and Proust, never understanding why Spencer wasn’t as enthusiastically listening to her read these aloud to him anymore as he had been as a baby. But how could he when his mother’s behavior left him alone to deal with everything? As he sat there hopelessly staring at the sole radio they had been, by some miracle, allowed to keep, he tried to shut off his mind just like his mom usually did and ‘live for the moment’. It only lasted for a few minutes before he had the rude awakening with the realization that nobody had solved the problems for him during the time he’d been relaxing…_

_Now he already had two months’ worth of checks laid out on the table like playing cards and absolutely no idea what to do with them…_

 

Once Morgan had stormed out in rage, Hotch took a moment to gather his thoughts after the painful confrontation, willing himself to remain calm and collected. It wouldn’t do to break down in front of his team; collapsing earlier in the hospital had already been bad enough. They needed a strong leader in these difficult times, not someone who was rendered useless with the slightest pressure, for God’s sake!

 

“I wanted to tell you why I decided on Houston. First of all, I took all your arguments into consideration. Yes, Morgan’s too, even if he won’t believe me. I honestly do think it’s the best option for everyone, because Gideon had volunteered to visit Spencer regularly and keep in touch with his doctors constantly if he’s near him; something we couldn’t promise if we’re realistic, because of the nature of our work and yes: we have private lives as well. It’s not a sin and Spencer wouldn’t consider it as such.”

 

Gideon nodded to show he still stood by his earlier statement.

 

“I won’t disappoint you and I promise to let you know anything that happens.” – He told everyone. – “I walked out on you once and I regret it more than I could ever tell you. I swear I definitely won’t do it again.”

 

Hotch continued.

 

“Also, I had to think about how to transport him. He’s not cleared to fly with a potentially deadly swelling in his brain, obviously, and it’s not a negligible aspect that Houston, while still far away, is considerably closer than Virginia. It also isn’t unalterable, you have to understand that. If it’s not working out for any reason, we can still change our minds any time. It’s not a prison after all.” – The others blinked, they clearly hadn’t thought about that before, but they had to admit: Hotch had a point. – “And last but not least: I read everything there is to know about all the facilities we considered, and I found they do the most thorough work in this one trying to help the patients. There are hospitals even in DC where they only hook them up to some machines to keep them alive and basically that’s it. We certainly don’t want to give up on him like that, do we? At the Houston Brain Trauma Research Center there are doctors as well as researchers constantly monitoring the progress of each person individually and trying their best to bring the patients back to consciousness. With Spencer’s brain being as unique as we know it is, they’re very optimistic and actually excited to have him.”

 

At that, JJ looked somewhat skeptical.

 

“You mean they want to use him as guinea pig? Because he would certainly never want that!”

 

Emily nodded in agreement.

 

“Hotch, he once told me he really doesn’t even know his current IQ score because he has refused to take a test since he was about three years old! The result we know as official came from then and I believe it could be even higher now. I told him so and he said he didn’t want to know. He didn’t care. He hated it when they tested him as a child and the reactions he got then. He doesn’t want to be a spectacle!”

 

Garcia sniffled.

 

“Yes, it’s true. Baby Genius only ever consented to the test in the first place because he knew he needed to be a ‘certified genius’ to be allowed to progress so quickly with his studies. That’s all. Imagine baby Spencer making demands like that… He must have been so cute and clever! I wish I could hug him…”

 

Hotch shook his head quickly and hurried to explain things better before Rossi and Gideon could add their own two cents. Judging by the look on their faces, they weren’t impressed.  

 

“No, no, you misunderstand. I wouldn’t let them do any tests that aren’t necessary for his recovery. But the doctors think he might have a better chance because of the special way his brain is working. According to them, being a genius like that is not only a number on a scale; it’s much more complicated. I don’t really understand myself, but they sounded genuine.”

 

“So, you really think this hospital is the best choice, not only because of the location but because of the work they do there?” – Wanted to clarify Rossi.

 

“Yes, Dave, I really believe so. He’ll be transported tomorrow, and they’ll need to start preparing him now. I’ll go talk to his doctors again.”

 

“Can we all go with him to Houston, see where he’ll be?”

 

“Of course, JJ, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

_As eleven-year-old Spencer stood alone in the early morning sun with a messenger bag hanging on his shoulder, staring at the gates of Cal-Tech on his very first day as a college student, he wondered for the thousandth time what the hell he was doing here. His dream had been either Harvard or Yale, mostly because they were a healthy distance away from Las Vegas. At one point, he had even considered Cambridge; the United Kingdom was even farther after all. And now? He hadn’t dared leave his mother alone for long for fear she would harm herself unintentionally (or maybe even intentionally as she had threatened a couple of times already), so he had hired a nurse to take care of her during the week and had resigned himself to stay close and travel home every weekend to make sure she was all right._

_At least money wasn’t a matter anymore. Back when his father had left, he’d had to come up with a solution very quickly in order not to lose the house and the little possessions they still had. So, what is a child to do in a situation like that? Of course, he had tried the obvious and legal ways: he had helped other students prepare for math and other tests, he had worked at the school’s physics lab and even walked the neighbors’ dogs (not a small feat, considering he was afraid of even the smallest ones and those beasts seemed to hate him as a rule), but it all hadn’t been nearly enough. Then he had tried semi-legal things, like writing papers for students or doing their homework… Still, not enough._

_And just when he’d been about to give up and admit defeat, the most brilliant idea had come to him: he was living in Las Vegas, wasn’t he? And what did people come to Las Vegas for? Right, the casinos! Finding those that didn’t care about his age hadn’t been nearly as difficult as he had thought it would be, and even those that had been reluctant at first, had quickly been able to be convinced by the promise of 10% of his winnings. Learning the rules of each game had been even easier: he had an eidetic memory after all. And he was great at counting cards. And seeing patterns. And cheating. Mostly cheating._

_Spencer easily made 3-4 thousand dollars a night even when he was trying his best not to overdo it, and thus, their financial problems had been solved in a fortnight. Of course, he always had to be extra canny and creative when doing the tax declaration but well... Keeping low didn’t bother him: as long as they had somewhere to live and his mother was taken care of, everything was fine. He didn’t need anything for himself._

_Sadly, his teachers had begun to notice him becoming more and more tired and withdrawn as the time passed (not that he’d been very outgoing before…) and had started asking uncomfortable questions under the pretense of offering help and understanding. The last thing Spencer needed was CPS knocking on their door… It would ruin his carefully constructed life, so he couldn’t have it. As such, he had perfected his false smile and ‘bubbly’, rambling, personality that was ordinarily expected of children his age to the extremes; as a matter of fact, he was so good at it now, sometimes he himself forgot that he hated to speak randomly and despised mindless chatter._

_Sometimes, when he was alone, and nobody was observing him with keen eyes like a hawk’s, he could just be himself for a brief moment. By these occasions, he watched his agemates run around outside, go Trick or Treating on Halloween or celebrate with their friends their birthdays… at times like that, he always tried to think back if he had ever been as happy as they seemed to be. But he found he couldn’t remember even with that usually flawless memory of his._

_So… Cal-Tech. His life for now. He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst as he, for the first time ever, entered the huge, scary building._

“Morgan?” – Asked Hotch uncertainly, poking his head into the semi-sheltered place where Reid was still held in the ICU. – “He’s been cleared to be transported to Houston tomorrow. We’re all going to accompany him there and help him settle… He’ll have a private room and all.” – No reaction. – “Listen, Derek. You know that I did what I felt was best for him and us all, right? You do know it wasn’t to hurt you?”

 

“I’m resigning. I’m going to stay with him in Houston.” – Declared Morgen without even turning around to face his boss.

 

“What? NO! I can’t let you do that.”

 

“You don’t have a say in it. You’re not my guardian. It might be hard to believe, Hotch, but you don’t have control over _everything_.”

 

The blow had been delivered to hurt and the unit chief knew it very well. And still, he didn’t want to give up.

 

“But… Just please, think it over again.”

 

“There’s nothing to think about. I won’t leave him alone there, far away from his family. You made that decision, now live with the consequences. You won’t mind though. I know you never liked me.”

 

“That’s not true! I respect you and I think you’re a great agent!”

 

Morgan was still facing away from him but Hotch could see him shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“You have a funny way of showing it then.”

 

“Morgan, I won’t accept your resignation. You can send it directly up to the Director’s office if you want to do this, but I can’t accept it. Reid would never forgive me if I assisted to your running amok and ruining your career over him. You know he wouldn’t want that. What will he say when he wakes up?” – With that, he walked out of the ICU, leaving the other man to his thoughts.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

As soon as they were alone again, Morgan grabbed his little brother’s limp hand and gently stroked it. He couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down his face.

 

“Kid, can you hear me? Things are falling apart here… Now would be a good time to wake up and make everything all right again!” – There was no reaction from the boy. Not that he had expected any… - “What would you want? Would you really be all right with that? I know you love Gideon despite what happened… Would you understand this?” – He sighed. – “Would you want me to resign or not?”

 

_“Mom, was it my fault that things happened the way they did with dad and with… everything?”_

_“What do you mean?” – Asked his mother confusedly. She was, for the first time in too many weeks to count (5 weeks, three days, thirteen hours and ten minutes…), feeling great and had even agreed to leave her room and try to make French toast._

_“Well… I heard dad say once in a fight that your illness got worse during pregnancy. Because you couldn’t take your meds… And then I came, and I turned out to be this… abnormal. And that’s why he said we weren’t a family, isn’t it? It’s my fault? Without me, you’d still be together.”_

_“Oh, Baby! You really believe that?” – At his reluctant nod, she put down the egg she had been about to crack and held out her arms invitingly. – “Spencer, come here. That’s it. Listen to me, and listen good: I may have many regrets in my life and I might have made many mistakes. But there is something that certainly wasn’t a mistake but the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. Do you know what it is?” – He shook his head, unsure what she was talking about. – “Having you, Baby! Having you was the miracle I’d never expected to experience ever. Thank you for being you!”_

_She hugged him for a long time and pressed kisses into his hair and all over his cheeks. Spencer usually hated any kind of human contact and dreaded signs of affection like that but there were always exceptions to the rule, right?_

_Mother and son spent a wonderfully normal afternoon together that day._


	9. A Long Way to Go

_Spencer still couldn’t believe it but he loved Cal-Tech like no other school before. Here, everyone was either leaving him alone or even behaved nice with him, which had never happened before. He wasn’t being bullied and it made his life so much more enjoyable! He loved all the subjects he studied and couldn’t wait to take on more with time. He had finished PhD in Chemistry two months ago (he was one of the two youngest doctorate degree holders ever, tied with Karl Witte who had also gotten his title at the age of 13 in Philosophy back in 1813; the same age Spencer had been at the time) and was currently doing Mathematics and Engineering both. While others had warned him these two at once might prove to be too much, he didn’t think so at all. And there were so many other faculties he was still interested in! It hadn’t been easy to decide where to begin and he certainly wanted to study lots of things in the future. He’d have the time, of course. He was still only a recently turned 14-year-old child._

_Not everything was sunny and happy though: his mother’s condition was deteriorating, and he didn’t know how it could turn out in the end: would it still worsen until she lost completely who she was? Or would it stop at some point? Would she get better? She hadn’t had a good day in over three months (three months, a week, two days and thirteen hours….), and there didn’t seem to be hope for one in the foreseeable future. Two of her caretakers had already resigned, saying they couldn’t work with someone who wasn’t cooperative at all, and the nurse he had just hired had called him in tears yesterday, complaining between sobs about the insults Diana Reid had thrown at her when she had suggested she took a bath. All in all, the boy had no idea what to do with her, as nothing seemed to help, regardless of best intentions._

Houston was a beautiful city and the hospital staff welcoming of them. Spencer’s room had already been prepared for their arrival and, upon inspecting it, they thought it looked more like something you’d expect of a hotel than of a medical facility.

 

“It’s very important for the patients to be able to feel at home. Even if they’re unconscious, they might know they’re at a good, loving place.” – Explained the doctor who was showing them around. – “There’s a cot for a visitor to take; we don’t limit the time you can spend in here, just please, don’t crowd the place. Getting enough oxygen is very important. The only other thing we ask of you is that you do not disturb the work we do, so we might ask you to step out for certain examinations and tests we need to run.”

 

“That’s understandable, Doctor Kaufmann.” – Nodded Rossi, looking quite impressed.

 

“We only have five coma patients on this floor right now. There are a doctor with two researchers and three or sometimes even four nurses in each shift. That means we have time and energy to work with them individually, do everything we can for their recovery.”

 

“What exactly will you be doing to help him?” – Asked JJ, wanting to understand what awaited their little brother.

 

“First thing you have to understand is that we’re a research center as well as a hospital, that’s why we only take a few patients and only those we think we might be able to help in any way. Our specialty is studying the workings of the brain. That means that first of all, we’re trying to understand the nature of injury each person has sustained to their brains, trying to find out what prevents them from waking up and what’s causing this condition. Also, we’re trying to determine which type of coma they’re in; yes, there are more than one types.”

 

“Do you have any plans for Reid already?” – Inquired Emily.

 

“Doctor Reid, we believe, is a special case. What we already know about him had let us to the conclusion that his brain is nothing like we’ve ever seen.”

 

Morgan, who hadn’t been present by Hotch’s explanation, didn’t understand what she was talking about.

 

“Why?”

 

“We heard a lot about him: he’s a genius and has incredible skills. Some of which lead to the conclusion his brain must be working differently than most people’s.”

 

“His mother has paranoid schizophrenia…” – Whispered Garcia, as if afraid to say it out loud. – “He’s always been afraid of having inherited it… Do you think…?”

 

“There’s nothing in the documentation we have received about him to suggest anything like that, but we’ll see, thank you informing me, it could be important. We will run some tests right away and then I will probably be able to tell you more.”

_Spencer had just driven up the driveway to their Las Vegas home and got out of the car. At barely fifteen, he wouldn’t be allowed to drive alone neither in California nor in Nevada, of course, and that was exactly the reason he had a fake ID and driver’s license. What did it matter if it said 16 and a half when everyone always thought him to be ten years old anyway? Besides, he was a certified genius holding a PhD and working on two others. And with a sick mother whom he needed to visit regularly. Surely, these circumstances justified his lie, didn’t they?_

_Anyway, as soon as he entered the house he could hear his mother shouting, looking for William Reid. What the hell? His father had been gone for years and hadn’t been heard of since the divorce had happened…_

_He walked into the kitchen to find her standing at the counter, still crying out for her ex-husband. As soon as she set eyes on her son, all hell broke loose: she grabbed a knife with surprising agility and speed, and lunged at the petrified young man, screaming for help because there was an ‘intruder’ in the house. By the time Spencer managed to wrestle the weapon out of her hand, his left arm was a bloody mess throbbing painfully and his mother was sobbing on the floor. He could see the nurse (Stacy? Katie? Something like that…) run out through the front door in panic, not even closing it behind her. Wisely, Spencer considered this behavior a termination without notice and made a mental note to send her last payment along with her belongings to her house. He was sure she couldn’t be convinced to come back even for these anymore…_

_His mother was now motionless, still half sitting, half lying on the cold floor, only occasionally giving a strange, strangled-sounding hiccup. He carefully crouched next to her and tentatively reached out with his right arm to stroke her hair._

_“Mom…?”_

_She looked up confusedly at him._

_“Baby? Is that you?”_

_“Yes, Mom. It’s me. Are you all right?”_

_“There was somebody here, Spencer. Somebody broke into our house. I was so afraid!” – She began to cry again but at least let herself be pulled up and sat onto a chair. – “No. I saw two people. I man and a woman. Do you think they’re gone now?” – She looked around as if expecting an army to attack them any moment._

_Spencer sighed sadly and tried his best not to wince too noticeably when he accidentally moved his injured arm._

_“Yes, Mom. They’re gone. It’s all right now. I promise.”_

_“And do you think they’ll come back?”_

_“We’ll lock the door, okay?” – But how could you lock out something that was inside her head?_

_“Good idea. And maybe we should get an alarm system. Do you think we should get one, Spencer?”_

_The young man had a sudden vision of his mother setting off the alarm every time she got an episode like the one she had just had, scaring the neighbors to death and alerting the police to their… situation._

_“We’ll think about it. Can you stand up? We should get you up into your room, what do you say?”_

_“Yes, all right. Baby, what happened to your arm?” – She asked horrified, only now noticing the blood that was slowly seeping through his pullover and painting his clothes a bright red color._

_“Ah… it’s nothing.” – Nothing, you just wanted to kill your own son with a huge kitchen knife a few minutes ago. I’m sure it happens in the best of families sometimes._

_“We should tell your father, he always knows what to do.” – She declared with total confidence and Spencer knew she was ‘gone’ again. He helped her upstairs and laid her into her bed, all the while desperately thinking about how to proceed from here._

The results of the first round of tests had just come back and the group was anxiously sitting in Doctor Kaufmann’s large and elegant office in front of his expensive mahogany desk, awaiting verdict. The man – along with two of his researchers sitting on either side of him – seemed pleased.

 

“As promised, we looked at Doctor Reid’s brain with the help of an MRI machine, and of course did some other tests as well. I’m happy to tell you that what we originally suspected has been proven true: he seems to have an extraordinary brain.” – He declared with his friendly German accent, wanting to quickly reassure the worried family members. He didn’t exactly understand how these diverse people could all be family, but they had said they were and who was he to question it? They certainly seemed close enough.

 

“How so?” – Asked Gideon, wanting… no: _needing_ to understand the significance of these findings.

 

One of the scientists, a petite, dark-haired young woman sitting at the right side of the doctor, answered.

 

“As you might have heard already, the brain is the part of our bodies we know the less about. That’s why our institute is so dedicated to this research program. It’s very important that when we’re saying ‘genius’ here, we’re not talking about any measured IQ level. That, as far as we’re concerned, doesn’t really show us anything and also isn’t necessarily accurate. Academic intelligence is a wonderful thing but it’s not what we’re looking for now because it doesn’t tell us how one has come to achieve it. I, for example, hold two doctorate degrees but I’m far from a genius. I’m just hard-working and dedicated.”

 

Seeing their confused expressions, the other researcher, a blond, slightly older woman at the left side of the doctor, continued.

 

“Mostly everyone is capable of learning anything if they really put effort and time into it. Some learn somewhat easier or faster, others maybe not so much… But everyone, who doesn’t have a serious mental illness preventing it, can learn. Just because someone scores high on a test, it doesn’t mean they have special abilities, unless you consider having patience to study a lot as such. What we consider true ‘genius’ is much more tangible than merely good grades. It’s visible. There is a difference between a ‘normal’ brain and a genius’ brain. They simply don’t look and most certainly don’t work the same way.”

 

The doctor thought it best to illustrate it a bit better, noticing that the group still didn’t really understand.

 

“I’ll try to explain this with layman’s terms: you know how some say we only use 10% of our brains?” – At their collective nods, he smiled. – “That’s a load of rubbish.” – The team blinked confusedly at that. – “If it were only as simply as that, we wouldn’t have to work so hard to learn about our minds! No, it’s certainly more complicated. It’s more like that we don’t use our whole brain _at once_. We use different areas for different tasks. It could be stated that, most of the time, we’re using 10 percent of our capacity for one single thing we’re doing, though that also doesn’t mean there can’t be exceptions or that sustaining our life functions like controlling breathing, movements etc. wouldn’t require brainwork, however unconscious. Anyway, by Doctor Spencer Reid, we assume, it doesn’t quite work like that.

 

“What!?” – Gasped Garcia. – “You mean, there’s something wrong with him?”

 

The doctor hurried to clarify.

 

“No, no! Well, right now, obviously… But generally, there’s nothing _wrong_. It’s actually brilliant!”

 

The blond researcher explained:

 

“It’s been already observed that geniuses usually use different regions of the brain while solving tasks than ‘normal’ people. Like when Sherlock Holmes sees the same things everyone else but comes to more difficult conclusions. We all have the information he does and still: we don’t know to use them the same way. He might be just a fictional character but it demonstrates what I’m trying to say: geniuses’ brains work differently, that’s why they come to more creative solutions. For example in Math. Imagine not having to _learn_ the rules because you can come up with them – or even with something much better – for yourself! If we have been informed correctly, Doctor Reid is, in fact, a mathematician, isn’t he?”

 

Gideon, being the most familiar with the boy’s accomplishments, nodded.

 

“Yes, it’s one of his PhDs. He also has a knack for noticing connections and patterns more than anyone I’ve ever met. If something is just a whirl of numbers to us, it might still be a perfectly logical formation of coordinates to him. I asked him once how he did it but he said he didn’t have an idea. He just sees differently than we do, I guess.” – He shrugged. – “He deciphers codes quicker than any computer could. It can be fascinating to watch.”

 

It was the dark-haired scientist who spoke next.

 

“It’s not surprising at all. Tell me: is he able to read very fast?”

 

Morgan nodded.

 

“Yes, he has perfected speed reading. He says, there’s a technic to it…”

 

“Well, of course, there is. But not everyone can do it. At least, not like he does. To certain degree, yes, but he’s faster than anyone you’ve seen?” – They nodded quickly, each of them having been witnesses to their young friend demonstrating his magic on several occasions. – “Of course, it’s actually not really speed reading he’s doing.”

 

“No?”

 

“No.”

 

“What is it then?”

 

“Well, with speed reading, you train yourself to concentrate very hard on the words in front of you and to focus on the meaning. Little details easily get lost. He doesn’t do that. I bet he can tell you every single word he read and even understands it all.”

 

“Of course, he’s got an eidetic memory after all.”

 

“Fascinating… But it’s not speed reading. He actually ‘scans’ the page into his brain and remembers it. Like when it’s saved on a computer and you can call it up anytime. He is capable of being ahead with his eyes than with the actual reading. That requires him to, so to say, ‘split’ the brainwork into two. And _that_ is something not everybody can do. Does he do it with text in other languages, too?” – Their smiles were answer enough. – “Speed readers can only read in their native language like that.”

 

When nobody seemed to be able to say anything to that, the other woman spoke up.

 

“But, with him, we also found something else.”

 

“That would be?” – Inquired Rossi, turning to the doctor.

 

“The boy’s brain activity is, even more while in a coma, far more intense than anyone else’s I’ve ever seen. It’s like he’s solving a very difficult equation right now, not sleeping soundly, oblivious to his surroundings.”

 

“You’re saying he’s aware!?” – Deduced JJ, feeling her heart speed up at the thought. Would it be good or bad news if the young man knew in what condition he was right now? She couldn’t decide…

 

The doctor hesitated.

 

“No, I wouldn’t think so. I just can’t imagine what ‘normal’ for him looks like if this is the coma...” – He said finally. – “Has he ever been tested this way?”

 

“Not that we know.” – Answered Hotch. – “He doesn’t like the attention… He’s a very shy person and tries to avoid appearing anything special. He… has been bullied a lot.”

 

“Well, but he is special, whether he likes it or not.” – Declared one of the researchers simply.

 

“So, he really isn’t normal then. I’ve been saying that the whole time.” – Joked Morgan and the others giggled half-heartedly, remembering the ongoing battle between the two where Morgan always insisted Reid can’t behave like an average person even when he tries to. The young genius would always blush a deep red and stutter something about it not being true. It was endearing to watch. Well, had been…

 

But Hotch wanted to know something else.

 

“What does that mean for him in his current situation?”

 

“That means…” – Concluded the doctor, looking each of them in the eyes. – “… that while normally a patient in that condition would be considered a ‘lost cause’, I believe Doctor Reid has a fighting chance with that brain of his. We’ll see but I promise you: we won’t give up on him.”

_After two more violent attacks, Spencer couldn’t take it anymore, and finally dragged his mother to a doctor, despite all her pleadings and protests (and the scratch marks that now adorned his chest and upper arms…). The diagnosis wasn’t surprising and yet he still felt devastated by it: she had paranoid schizophrenia. Yes, it was exactly as horrible as it sounded. Or maybe even more so._

_It had been controlled by medications before but when she had stopped taking them during her pregnancy, her condition had gradually worsened to the point where ‘simple’ meds couldn’t help her anymore. So, Spencer had always thought he was responsible for his parents’ life spiraling downwards; now he had a doctor’s opinion as a proof for it._

_He read a lot about her problem. He now knew that schizophrenia was a chronic mental disorder in which a person sometimes lost touch with reality (that was called a psychosis and he was, sadly, very familiar with it). Patients had delusions and hallucinated regularly. Check. These ‘can have a huge effect on functioning and can negatively affect quality of life’. Yep, check. He wasn’t even sure his mother had a life anymore. ‘Schizophrenic people often believe that the government is monitoring every move they make’. Check for that, too. It seemed like his mother, for the first time in her life, managed to be average in something: her illness was absolutely typical for someone with that condition. He didn’t know if he should feel reassured or offended by that._

_And it was a lifelong disease which could be treated but never cured. Oh, joy!_

_Not to mention the best part that really just made his day: it could be passed on genetically…_

As most members of the team were saying goodbye to Reid and Gideon in the neatly furnished and with Star Trek posters decorated private room (the latter mostly thanks to Garcia who insisted these should be the first things her Baby Boy would see upon waking), Hotch turned to Morgan. The young agent still seemed undecided and he was the only one who hadn’t gone into the room to ‘talk’ to their comatose friend but stood in the doorway uncertainly instead.

 

“Morgan, I have a task for you.” – The boss began gravely.

 

“Forget it, I told you already I’m not going back…” – Insisted Morgan, though he didn’t sound so sure of himself as before. He loved his job and had many plans for his future. He had a home in Virginia and wished for a family there: a wife and kids. He had friends and his current ‘family’ – the team. Leaving it all wasn’t an easy decision to make but for his little brother, he was prepared to do it.

 

“Listen to me first, all right? I talked to the local police department and they complained about having a few cold murder cases from the past they’d like to close finally. I offered them our help with revisiting all these and seeing if there is something worth investigating.”

 

Morgan blinked.

 

“What are you saying, Hotch?”

 

“I’m saying that you’re to stay here for a while, work with them and see if there is something for us to help with. That’s all. It should take you at least a couple of weeks to get through all the files in the archives; they said it was a mess.”

 

“Oh…” – He finally understood. – “Hotch, I honestly don’t know how to thank you… Look, man. I’m sorry for what I said before. I---”

 

“You don’t need to say anything. Just… come back when you’re done here, all right? The team needs you.”

 

With that, the unit chief turned and walked into the room to join the others, leaving a chocked-up Morgan standing on the corridor.


	10. And Time is Flying

_Sixteen-year-old Spencer was perched comfortably in a fluffy armchair in the enormous library of Cal-Tech, turning page after page with lightning speed in every book he had been able to get a hold on and had anything to do with his current subjects: Mathematics and Engineering. He already had the BAs in both and was about to complete his PhDs (his second and third) in a couple of weeks. His best friend and fellow prodigy, Ethan, had been bugging him for days about ‘letting his hair loose’ and enjoy himself a bit, but he thought the exams should come first, so he was pointedly ignoring the increasingly bothersome seventeen-year-old._

_The only problem was: it didn’t seem to work._

_“Come on, man! You know everything already! Don’t tell me you can still find new information in those books! Don’t be so_ boring _!” – He complained exasperatedly, having been unsuccessful with getting the younger boy’s attention in the last twelve or so minutes. – “Aaaa, I think I’m going to die of boredom here! Do you hear me, Brainy Boy? I’m dying!”_

_Spencer finally looked up from his current reading material about biometric technology and huffed in frustration._

_“All right, but can’t you do it quietly, please? I’m working here, you know!”_

_“But WHY? If you learn more, your head will become bigger and bigger, until it can’t expand anymore and then BUMMMM! It’s going to explode!” – He also demonstrated the lurking danger by loudly clapping his hands together, which earned them disapproving glares from other unfortunate students residing in their vicinity and a strict ‘keep quiet, please, young men!’ from the elderly librarian who was infamous for simply throwing rowdy people out of the place she called ‘her kingdom’._

_Both boys muttered an apology and continued in hushed whispers:_

_“Oh, then it explains why_ you’re _not studying at all. You’re afraid.” – Smirked Spencer before getting back to his book. He still had at least a dozen others to finish before the library closed at 8 PM and he only had about three and a half hours until then – if they wouldn’t get sent out sooner, that is. He’d have to hurry up._

_“You’re no fun at all! Nothing has changed!” – Whined Ethan, referring to the brief time they’d shared at Elementary School. While the slightly older boy was a genius himself, he had always been a few steps (and grades) behind Spencer, so they mostly only used to meet on Spelling Bees and similar competitions their teachers insisted they attend. The biggest difference between both was that while Spencer absolutely hated ‘parading’ himself like some ‘trained monkey’ and tried to avoid it whenever possible, Ethan had always loved to show off his knowledge and his deepest wish was to one day outdo his greatest rival: Spencer Reid. So far, it hadn’t happened, and Spencer knew it secretly annoyed his friend to no end. Now, after years of not having known about each other, they had unexpectedly met up again at Cal-Tech when Ethan had begun his studies in Psychology last year as the second youngest at the university. Since then they’d been best friends but, at the same time, the old rivalry had restarted as well. Thinking about that complicated relationship made Spencer’s head hurt and he wished the other young man wouldn’t care about competing so much. What did it matter anyway? What he wished for even more was that Ethan would stop bugging him about his learning habits; especially since he knew it was mostly because, somewhere deep down, his friend didn’t want him to succeed and earn two more PhDs while he was still working on his first BA._

_“Don’t you have tests to prepare for, Ethan?” – He attempted tiredly to get rid of the youth one last time, although he already suspected it wouldn’t be any more successful than before._

_“Nope. I’m good. I don’t have to work so hard to do well, you know.”_

_“Ah. I see. Well, you know what? I’ll make you a deal: you let me finish these in peace…” – He motioned towards the incredibly high tower of books nearby; the pile nearly reaching up to his head as he was sitting next to it in the chair. – “… and then I’ll agree to go with you later wherever you want, and ‘wind down’ a bit. Na, what do you say?”_

_The young man seemed to think about it for a while._

_“You mean it? I can choose, and you’ll come anywhere?” – He repeated suspiciously._

_“Within reason, of course, but yes.”_

_The mischievous grin on Ethan’s face nearly made him rethink his proposition, but it was already too late for that._

_“Oh, all right then! I’ll leave you alone with the loves of your life until 8 PM. After that… no guarantees for anything! Be prepared for the worst!”_

_“Oooh… I hope I’m not going to regret this…?”_

_The seventeen-year-old just laughed._

_In the end, Reid_ had _regretted it of course, and as the coming morning found him lying on the hard and cold floor in the bathroom next to the toilet in a heap of misery, suffering from his first ever hangover, he made a very important discovery: the best language to swear in was Russian._

Gideon spent most afternoons with Spencer, telling him about his students at the university, commenting on the ongoing chess game he had engaged in with one of the doctors at the hospital (he knew all of them by name now and was friendly with most), or reading him aloud from various books he thought the boy would be interested in.

 

The team visited as often as they could, sometimes all together, at other times just one or two of them at a time. By now, even Morgan had to admit that this solution had been the good one; despite their best efforts they really couldn’t be there as much as they wished they would, and it wouldn’t have been any different if Spencer were in Virginia either.

 

Whenever they were there, they told him how much they missed him and how his position was still there for him to claim when he would be ready to return. They told him about some of the cases they had solved but never any gory details – they didn’t want to give the ailing young man nightmares in case he could hear them.

 

They never told him about anything sad or bad happening to the team. He didn’t need to know that Garcia had had a tearful break up with Kevin or that Haley had died and Hotch was now alone with Jack. He didn’t need to know that Strauss regularly threatened to tear their group apart or that Morgan had been offered various positions with other units and was still undecided whether he should accept one or not.

 

They only told him the good news, for example that he would become a godfather soon or that Rossi was teaching the team to cook real Italian food that was far better than ‘those poor attempts restaurants have the nerve to call pasta’.

 

The doctors were satisfied with his progress: the swelling in the boy’s brain had completely disappeared and the ‘turban’ was gone from his head, revealing his messy dark hair that had grown quite a bit in the time it had been covered. Also, his bruises and the broken leg had all healed nicely, so if you didn’t pay attention to the equipment and the various IVs surrounding him, you could believe him to simply be sleeping peacefully.

 

They had been told it would take a long time to see results of the work the doctors were doing – _if_ they would see anything at all. They had been warned to be patient and never give up hope. But they still felt like chances were getting slimmer and slimmer with every passing day.

 

It had been eight months already.

 

_After completing his second and third PhDs with flying results, Spencer had decided to go into a slightly different direction next: he was now studying Psychology (he had read some of Ethan’s books and had found them very interesting) and Sociology. His friend had finished Psychology ‘only’ with a BA and then declared he would continue with Criminology instead, as it was, in his opinion, ‘more challenging and thus better worthy of my efforts’._

_They were now 17 and 18 respectively, with Spencer still being the youngest student at the campus but at least not standing out as much anymore as he had at the beginning._

_“So, are you coming to my sister’s wedding or am I going to be alone having to suffer through it all?” – Ethan’s sister was 25 years old and very pretty. Nobody understood how she had ended up with her soon-to-be-husband. Ethan hated the guy with a passion and everyone was afraid he’d make a scene at the ceremony if he didn’t have his best friend at his side to keep him in line._

_Though Spencer couldn’t understand how everyone expected him to have any kind of influence on a raging cyclone that Ethan could be…_

_“I don’t know. My Mom…”_

_“Oh, come_ on _! We don’t have to stay the whole night, just until it’s absolutely expected of me to be present.”_

_Spencer rolled his eyes dramatically._

_“You’re her witness, Ethan: it’s expected of you to be there until the very last guest has left!”_

_“Shit. I forgot…”_

_“I’ll go but I can’t stay long. I already told Mom’s nurse she can get a free night that day since I’ll be home to take care of her. She has a date, so I won’t go back on my promise. I can stay until 7 PM. Mostly everyone will be focusing on their dinner by then, so they won’t notice me missing anyway.” – He reasoned, and, anticipating his best friend’s next words, quickly added before the other could as much as open his mouth. – “They would notice_ you _going AWOL though, so don’t even think of it! You’re sitting at the head table right next to the bride!”_

_Ethan heaved a long-suffering sigh._

_“You have a way of making me feel even worse than I thought possible.” – He accused, causing Spencer to laugh at the decidedly childish antics._

_“Come on! It’s just a wedding; don’t be such a baby.”_

Henry LaMontagne had been born two months ago and Spencer had been named godfather. Well, an honorary one, for now. As soon as he’d wake up and consented to take on the role, it would be made official.

 

He should wake up soon, it had already been nearly a year and a half…

 

_The wedding was just like Spencer had expected it to be – boring to death and incredibly awkward at the same time. For one, he’d had to put on a suit and a tie and this fact alone would be enough to make his day miserable but, to add to his suffering, he’d been seated during the ceremony next to some distant aunt who had wailed relentlessly about how ‘breathtakingly beautiful’ her baby niece was and ‘how quickly time flies!’, and had expected Spencer to at least nod in agreement every time she’d made a remark._

_After the agonizing hour when the ridiculous vows and the ‘you can kiss the bride’ parts were finally over, the outdoor party began, and Spencer sneaked a look at his watch hopefully – only to find he still had nearly three hours to kill before he’d ‘sadly’ have to say goodbye to his friend and head home. There was only one other person who seemed to be suffering even more than him: Ethan. One thing was sure: both boys had decided at the very beginning of that day that they would never ever get married._

_Spencer, like everyone else, had to stand in line to congratulate the newly wed pair and wish them a very happy and long life together, all the while thinking about the marriage of his own parents and how it had ended up… Maybe somebody had cursed them on their wedding day; that would certainly explain a lot._

_“How are you holding up?” – He asked his friend when he was finally done with his embarrassing duty and could take a moment to talk to Ethan. – “I’d say you did great during the ceremony. I mean, I’m sure not everyone could see you grimacing every three seconds and maybe only the first few rows heard your muttered remarks about Peter’s ‘disgusting’ cufflink.” – Peter was the new husband and was, indeed, wearing a very distasteful piece of decoration on the sleeves of his carefully chosen dress shirt._

_“Whatever. I’d like to introduce you to someone. She’s my second cousin and---“_

_“Oh, no. You won’t; forget it! Remember the last time you tried to set me up with someone? The girl nearly choked me to death with her silk scarf when I told her I wasn’t interested in her services.” – She had also called him a couple of names he didn’t care to repeat. Not now, nor ever._

_“Will you ever stop rubbing it in? How was I to know she was a vicious amazon!?”_

_“You weren’t. But you_ did _know she was a prostitute.”_

_“I didn’t…” – Spencer raised an eyebrow. – “At least I wasn’t entirely sure.”_

_“As if I’d ever believe that! Look, I’m really not interested in a relationship, all right? I’ve got enough problems and… Hey, where are you going? What? Ethan? I’m--- Oh, hi…” – He blushed, because suddenly he found himself face to face with the most beautiful girl he had ever met._

_She had enormous, vivid green eyes and long, wavy brown hair tied back in an elegant braid. The long, deep green dress, that fit her perfect figure as if it had been created personally for her, only served to further highlight her mesmerizing eyes and white skin. She was nearly as tall as him in her high heels and looked to be about 18 or 19 years old. She was perfect. Spencer became suddenly very conscious of the fact that his suit was at least a number too big and hanging on him stupidly and that he had forgotten to properly comb his hair in the morning. Not to mention that he was a nerd. A freak. A geek. A---_

_“Spencer, this is my cousin, Amira.” – Oh, how he wished to wipe that evil grin off his friend’s face!_

_“Hi, Spencer! I’ve heard a lot about you.” – This piece of information didn’t make him feel any better. – “Don’t worry, only good things.” – She quickly added, probably sensing his hesitation._

_“Well, yes, I promised her you would keep her company for a while because she doesn’t really know here anyone our age. But since you said you couldn’t, I think I’ll have to---”_

_“No! It’s fine. I’ll be glad to. I mean…”_

_Ethan clapped his hands in victory as if he had just closed a successful business deal._

_“Great! I’m happy to know she’ll be in good hands. I’m sure you won’t do anything I wouldn’t.”_

_“Shut up and go away, Ethan!” – Spencer growled while Amira chuckled. But at least it was effective: the older boy shrugged and with a last suggestive wink that made Spencer blush an even deeper shade of red than he already had been, left to pester someone else. – “I’m sorry, he’s… well. He’s Ethan.”_

_“I know, don’t worry. He’s my cousin. If anything: I’m sorry.”_

_“You don’t have to be.”_

_“You either.”_

_Okay, this was_ incredibly _awkward… What to do? Usually, he preferred silence but he knew… well, he_ thought _he knew at any rate… it wasn’t the case with girls. They liked to talk. But what about? Surely not about statistics? Numbers were the only things Spencer could spit out without hesitation though…_

_“So, how did you like the ceremony?” – She asked kindly, gesturing towards the podium still decorated with flowers and balloons. It was all so cheesy, it made his eyes hurt._

_“I… think… I’m… ahm… I liked… khm…” – Why was he stuttering like an idiot? WHY?_

_“Don’t worry. I hated it too.” – She laughed._

_Spencer gaped, his earlier unease momentarily forgotten. Didn’t girls like everything that required them to dress up and parade their beauty for everyone to see?_

_“You did!?” – He knew he didn’t quite manage to keep the surprise out of his voice._

_“Of course! Stupid traditions. If I ever marry, it will be away from everyone, in a nice, secluded area. Only my boyfriend, me and two witnesses. Probably some unknown persons we’ll never see again. I’ll wear my most comfortable jeans and a T-shirt with some stupid script on it. My future husband will wear anything he wants, as long as it’s not elegant and traditional. And I hope we’ll be barefoot because these things are horrible…” – She winced, motioning towards her stylish shoes._

_The genius needed a moment to comprehend what he had heard. This girl was a miracle!_

_“I love you.” – The statement was out before he could stop himself. As soon as he realized what he had said, he started to apologize feverishly. – “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I---”_

_“Oh, it’s okay! You’re very cute! And I haven’t even told you the best part yet.”_

_He was almost afraid to ask; if she happened to say something else he agreed with, he might just ask her to marry him right away._

_“And that would be?”_

 

_“I don’t want to spend my honeymoon lying around on the beach. I’d like to travel to historic European cities like Paris, Rome, London or Madrid. I’d like to see the world and learn a lot and speak languages...!”_

_That did it for him. Half an hour later he phoned home to tell the nurse that regretfully, something happened that would prevent him from being home that night. An urgent errand to run that absolutely couldn’t wait. He promised her double salary and two free days in a row instead, which she accepted begrudgingly._

_He spent the whole night and the next couple of days that followed with Amira._

“Kid, it’s really time to wake up now, don’t you think? I… don’t know how long we can keep the Director from replacing you permanently. Our temporary team members are… well. Not you. We want _you_ , nobody else.”

 

It was Morgan’s turn to visit this month and talk personally to Spencer’s doctors, especially now that Gideon was away for two weeks, guest lecturing at Cal-Tech. These fourteen days were the only times of the year he still traveled away, saying that had been how he had come to know Spencer in the first place, so it was an important part of his life, giving that lecture each year to a new, young and eager audience.

 

Doctor Kaufmann had assured a slightly unbelieving Morgan that yes, their patient _was_ making a progress, however slow it might be. He reminded the young man again how nobody would even have a chance in a state like that but someone as extraordinary ad Spencer and how the comatose young man was showing some signs of coming nearer and nearer to consciousness already. Maybe soon, something would happen…

 

It would be time. It had been two and a half years already.


	11. Light at the End of the Tunnel

_There was a loud knock on the door of Spencer’s small dorm room that slowly penetrated his sleepy brain, waking him from the deepest dream. He groaned and rolled out of bed, landing on the hard floor with a small ‘thud’. There was a knock again, this time more demanding, as he dragged himself to his feet and slowly made his way towards the uninvited guest, already formulating plans of nasty, painful ways to get rid of whoever it was who dared disturb his rest. As soon as he tentatively opened the door though, a whirl of messy dark hair brushed past him as the visitor ran inside, particularly shoving him out of the way in his hustle._

_Spencer sighed sleepily, already knowing he wouldn’t get any more shut-eye that day._

_“Good morning, Ethan. Please, do come in and make yourself at home. You could maybe even sit on my bed…” – He began sarcastically then only rolled his eyes in disbelief when his friend, taking his words literally, unceremoniously flopped onto his bed, pulling up his legs – with his shoes still on of course. He should have known not to expect any courtesy from the other young man. – “How can I help you at that unearthly hour?” – He asked, glancing at the clock. It was only 5 AM, two hours earlier than he should get up. Just great._

_“Have you heard it!?” – Ethan was particularly bouncing on the bed in excitement and Spencer wondered if he could get the whole thing replaced for free if it broke._

_He crossed his arms irritated._

_“What should I have heard?”_

_“The great news!” – Seeing that Spencer honestly didn’t have any idea what he meant, he added helpfully. – “Jason Gideon is coming here!” – Still no reaction from the younger boy. – “Come_ on _, man! THE Jason Gideon! The legend! Don’t tell me you don’t know who he is!?”_

_“Of course, I know who he is. He is a profiler, working for the FBI. He is one of the founders of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico. He’s a psychologist and has the reputation of solving unsolvable cases.”_

_“Exactly, and he’s coming here!” – Repeated his friend excitedly. – “Here! Can you believe it! He’ll guest lecture for two weeks!”_

_Spencer tiredly sat down onto his chair by the miniature desk._

_“I just don’t understand what’s the news about it? He comes every year to teach that course.”_

_“He does?” – Blinked his best friend in surprise._

_“Of course! Where were you these last years, Ethan?” – The young genius asked exasperatedly. – “Sometimes you behave as if you were living on another planet.”_

_“Well, this time I’m studying Criminology. That’s how I heard about it.”_

_“Oh, you mean, you attended one of your lectured?” – Spencer was impressed, he wouldn’t have thought that possible._

_“Very funny, hahaha.” – Retorted the other. – “So, will you come to his lessons?”_

_“Why would I? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not studying Criminology.”_

_“I thought you were interested in any kind of knowledge? You read everything you can get your hands on, besides, you study Psychology, so it should be interesting for you too.”_

_“I have to work.” – He really had to. Ever since he’d been banned from every casino in Nevada and California, he’d had to earn money with tutoring and writing articles. It was a much longer process than just win thousands in a night… Luckily, he had already payed off the mortgage that had been on the house, otherwise, he’d be in big trouble now._

_“Have I told you how boring you are with working and studying all the time…?”_

_“Yes, about three times a day ever since we’ve known each other…” – Ethan just gave him the kicked puppy look he knew Spencer couldn’t say no to. – “Oh, it’s not fair…!” – His friend even added a bit of whine to the look. – “Aaaa, all right. I’ll come with you to the first lecture and then we’ll see, all right?”_

_“Thanks!”_

“I talked to Bennington Sanitarium and learnt that Spencer had opened a bank account and gave it to a lawyer to manage with the instructions only to use it in case something should prevent him from paying… Well, the lawyer is now covering all expenses from that, so his mother is all right for a while again.” – Explained Rossi, frowning. – “How did a then eighteen-year-old boy have that amount of money?” – He wondered, not for the first time.

 

“I think he sold their house in Las Vegas when he moved here, and didn’t take anything from what he got for it for himself. I remember him telling me about it once. Poor boy, he really gave up everything to take care of his mother.” – Sighed Hotch, thinking that, had he known about it before, he’d have told the boy that it was all right to think about himself sometimes, too.

 

“Now I’m going to take care of him.” – Promised the senior profiler. – “The lessor terminated his contract for the apartment, so I’m taking all his belongings to my house. He’ll have a home there when he wakes, besides, at least he won’t be alone.”

 

“Thank you, Dave. I’m sure he’ll come back soon…”

 

“I hope so too…”

 

It would be time. It had already been nearly three years now.

_So, that was how they had ended up sitting in the front row (‘This way we won’t miss anything important!’ – Ethan had said) in the great auditorium, waiting for the living legend to begin the most anticipated lecture of the week. And it really did seem like everyone was excited for it by the sheer amount of people who had appeared, most didn’t even seem like they could pass for university students anymore… Spencer always attended all his lessons and had never seen such a crowd in the room._

_Finally, the MAN himself walked up to the podium and faced the audience. At once, as if by magic, all the previous murmur died, save for a few quiet coughs here and there._

_“Welcome, everyone. My name is Jason Gideon and I work as a criminal profiler in the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit. Does anyone have an idea what that actually means?” – He asked, looking around in the room for students who might have something to say._

_A boy in one of the upper rows raised his arm hesitantly._

_“Yes?”_

_“I think… You analyze the behavior of criminals?” – He tried sheepishly._

_“That’s right, Mr…?”_

_“Morton, sir. Edward Morton.”_

_“Mr. Morton, what you said is correct. We assist investigations by trying to build a profile of the ‘unknown subject’ or UnSub. Or you could say: the suspect. What we do is…” – And he went on explaining their methods and when and how their serviced could be requested._

_When Gideon was talking about how they examine a crime scene upon first arrival, Ethan turned to Spencer and whispered in awe:_

_“He’s incredible, isn’t he?”_

_Well, Spencer had to admit: what Jason Gideon was telling them did sound very interesting indeed. He could actually picture himself doing that… But it was stupid, he knew. For that, he’d have to become an FBI agent, and_ that _was impossible. So, he just nodded and said:_

_“Yeah. Pretty impressive.”_

_“I want to be an FBI agent!” – Declared Ethan seriously and scribbled another sentence into the previously unopened notebook with his messy handwriting. He had been taking notes the whole time, something that was total unheard for, since he claimed to have an eidetic memory just like his best friend (even though it wasn’t really true). Spencer had been surprised to learn he even owned a notebook and a pen._

_Jason Gideon had been demonstrating a case for the last ten minutes. It was one his unit had been working on for months now. Gideon admitted that it was one of the most difficult ones, and it still remained unsolved to this day. Some things just didn’t add up in their profile but still, he had said, it was a good case for them to learn from it, so he shared with the class everything they already knew._

_Spencer was staring intently at the projected image of a murder victim, thinking hard about something Gideon had just said… The man had explained that the woman was strangled by a white female, early thirties, but… Hm…_

_“I don’t think it’s a female.” – He said, without thinking, causing Gideon to stop his explanation and stare at him in surprise._

_“What was that, young man?” – He asked kindly but also obviously flabbergasted._

_Spencer became aware of everyone staring at him and felt his face heat in embarrassment. He hadn’t wanted to speak up loud, he had been thinking… But then Ethan nudged him with a sharp elbow and he knew it was too late for regrets; he had to elaborate his theory now._

_“Ahm… Well… Sir…” – He took a deep breath to steady his voice before continuing. – “You said you know it’s a female UnSub because of the nail marks on the victims, right?”_

_“That’s right.” – Nodded Gideon and motioned for Spencer to continue._

_“But still, it doesn’t make sense. For one, female offenders usually aren’t that brutal. They’ll poison their victims or even shoot them… They don’t like looking them in the eyes. You said so yourself before and we also learnt that in Psychology class. Also, females usually lack the strength to strangle someone because it’s not as easy to do as it might look to be…”_

_“There are always exceptions to the rule though.” – Answered Gideon, playing the devil’s advocate to prompt the young student’s thoughts further._

_“That’s true of course; as was the case with Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed, the ‘Countess Dracula’. And I also know that the victims weren’t raped or in any way sexually assaulted that also points to a female murderer. And still. I don’t think it’s a woman.” – He argued, having already forgotten he was in a class and observed by hundreds of people, talking as if he were in a professional debate with a colleague. – “Just look at the angle the attacks came from. All the women were attacked from behind by a much taller person; and at least one of them was tall for a woman herself. Men, on the other hand, and generally bigger, therefore, the angle would make more sense.”_

_“There are tall women. And high heels.” – Said Gideon, looking very interested now._

_“No high heels. They couldn’t move easily enough in them to commit a murder and run from the scene without being seen. Not to mention they’d never win a struggle in them.” – He said, thinking about Amira’s complaints. He could hear some girls laughing behind him but he ignored them. – “And I know there are tall women. There are also strong women. And yet: what’s the odds of the serial killer being extremely tall and strong? No. And the way they were strangled? It wasn’t personal. Women usually kill for emotional reasons: they’re jealous or hurt or angry. These murders? They’re as neutral as it comes. Methodical and professional.”_

_Gideon nodded._

_“The work of a psychopath.”_

_“Yes.” – Agreed Spencer. – “An impotent male psychopath who dresses in women’s clothing and wears fake nails.”_

_Gideon’s eyes widened._

_“Excuse me? A crossdresser?”_

_“Either that or someone good at camouflaging himself for the sake of committing a crime and getting away with it.”_

_“I must admit… We have never thought of that possibility. But it makes sense. Would you care to stay behind after class to discuss your idea a bit more thoroughly?”_

_“Ahm… Yes, sir. Of course…”_

“William Reid?” – Asked Gideon in disbelief, seeing the hesitant man poke his head into the room, as if afraid someone would attack him as soon as he stepped through the threshold. Gideon had never seen the man before but he had instantly recognized him by his features – it was clear at first glance that Spencer had inherited some of his more handsome characteristics from his father. Luckily for the boy though, he had his kind and caring personality from his mom (from the times before her sickness, of course). The best of deals, Gideon supposed: fetus Spencer had known very well what he was doing when he’d chosen the genes. Smart boy. – “I’m Jason Gideon. Please, come in.”

 

“I wouldn’t want to disturb…”

 

“You’re not, I’m just reading a book to him.”

 

“He always liked books.” – William Reid said and stepped in, quietly closing the door, and looking very uncomfortable.

 

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, Mr. Reid but Spencer’s been here for nearly three years and you haven’t made an appearance until now…” – Gideon tried to keep the accusation out of his voice but wasn’t quite sure he succeeded.

 

“I… well… I know I haven’t responded to the messages. I’m sorry, I just… I haven’t seen my son for a long time.”

 

“How long exactly? Do you know?”

 

“I guess he was around 12 when I left…”

 

“Nine.” – Corrected him the ex-profiler, trying to stay calm. The man didn’t even know how young his son had been when he had left him!?

 

“Possible… It was always difficult to tell with him. He was small and scrawny for his age, looking much younger than he really was… On the other hand, he was as smart as a professor and wise as a judge. Quite a contrast.”

 

Gideon took a deep breath and counted to ten. He wouldn’t explode with Spencer in the room next to them. Besides, who was he to offer judgment? He had left the poor child nearly the same way…

 

“What made you come now?” – He wanted to know. He needed to understand.

 

“Well… A certain Mister Hotchner and an other man… Risso or Russo, or something like that appeared in my office and threatened to tear our my heart and stomp on it if I didn’t come…” – He admitted reluctantly.

 

Gideon blinked.

 

“You’re serious?”

 

“Yes. That’s what they said, word for word.”

 

“Well, if _Supervisory Special_ _Agents_ Hotchner and _Rossi_ said that then I can assure you: they meant it.” – Reid Sr. paled. – “Take a seat. I’ll give you some privacy. You may have important things to tell your son.” – With that Gideon squeezed the unconscious boy’s hand before standing up and leaving the room.

_Needless to say, Spencer attended all the following lectures without having to be prompted to do so, and his private conversation after the first lesson with Agent Jason Gideon had been just a first of many to come. ‘Agent Gideon’ had, by the third day, become simply Gideon while Doctor Reid had become ‘Spencer’. Then, after the very last lecture, as they were saying their goodbyes, the agent asked:_

_“Spencer, have you ever thought about maybe becoming a profiler?” – The genius didn’t really know what to say to that, he just gaped. – “Because I think you’re a natural and you could be a great asset to our team.” – The man added._

_“But… I haven’t even studied Criminology, and I could never do the FBI training… I’m not very athletic…” – He admitted sourly, thinking it should be obvious for everyone just by looking at him._

_“You’ll study Criminology at the Academy but everything you’ll need will come with practice anyway. And the training… Well. I could help you with that. With your achievements it shouldn’t be difficult to find loopholes to speed up the process. You’ll learn the basics and then we’ll take you on as trainee.”_

_“I thought the BAU was a higher level and never had trainees. Don’t you need at least three years of practice as an active field agent to be even considered for an elite unit?”_

_Gideon smiled._

_“I see you did your homework. Not interested, hmm?” – He winked knowingly. – “Well, rules can be bent if there’s a reason to do so…”_

_“I… don’t know… I’d like it very much but my mother…” – He hung his head. Gideon would understand; he’d already told him about the state of Diana Reid._

_“Spencer, look at me, please. It’s admirable what you do for your mother, but you’ll have to begin living your own life sometime soon. And she needs professional help, you know that very well.”_

_It was true. It was becoming increasingly difficult, nearly impossible, to find a nurse who could deal with her for more than a day or two, and Spencer was at a point where he’d either have to break up his studies, move home and dedicate his whole life to taking care of her, or he’d have to make a drastic move and have her admitted to a hospital. But knowing this didn’t make it easier…_

_“I’ll think about it.” – He promised._

_“Okay. Listen, the semester will be over soon and the new course at the Academy begins after that. You have a month to decide and then, if you want to come, a week or so to arrange everything. If you choose to do this, I’ll get you into the program and also ensure the leeway I told you about. You would have to move to Virginia, of course, but you could be working with my unit within half a year.”_

_That sounded better than anything he’d ever been offered in his entire life before. His original plan had been to move as far away from Las Vegas as possible and now, when he had already given up on that childhood dream, it was being handed to him on a silver plate! He couldn’t believe it, it was too good to be true. Maybe it was…_

_“What about my age? I’d be the youngest agent…”_

_Gideon smiled._

_“Aren’t you the youngest everywhere? You could have gotten used to it by now.”_

_“Yeah… but what would the others in the unit say? They’d hate me.”_

_“Spencer, at the BAU, we’re a family! I know you’ve been bullied a lot in your life but I promise you, it’s different there. If anything, you’ll be spoiled rotter by their protective tendencies!”_

_“I’ll look for a possible place for mom. See what I can find. And afford…” – Spencer concluded, already picturing himself inside the FBI Headquarters._

William Reid sat down into the chair Gideon had just vacated, and hesitated before very gently touching his son’s hand.

 

“Spencer? It’s me. Your dad…” – He then thought maybe he didn’t have the right for that name anymore. – “I mean… William. Oh… You know I… I wish I could say I’m sorry I left but it wouldn’t be true. Not like that. I just wish I could have told you back then how I was feeling.” – He sighed. – “I had always wished for a big, happy family with two or even three kids, a lovely neighborhood and many friends. A fairly normal life. But when your mother got pregnant with you, the doctor suggested she stop taking the meds so that they won’t hurt you. That was when it all started to spiral downwards. Don’t get me wrong, please, it’s in no way your fault!” – He hurried to add. – “I guess we hadn’t known before how serious her condition was; not even her doctors. Then you came, and she started her meds again… I expected things to go back to normal soon but that never happened. I don’t know why but she was never… okay… again. Never herself anymore. Never the woman I had fallen in love with before. I couldn’t really deal with that change, it was like living with a stranger. I swear I wanted to help her but I couldn’t! Not even the doctors could. I remained for a while solely because of you. Because I thought you needed a father. And then you were already two and a half and still, you wouldn’t speak at all. I was afraid there was something wrong with you too. Your mother didn’t think there was anything to worry about but I didn’t agree with that, so I talked with specialists. They all said it was very much a possibility you could have inherited Diana’s problem. I was devastated. Then when you did talk, and it became evident you were a genius… How was I supposed to react to that? A schizophrenic wife and a genius for a son. Where was I in that picture? I admit, I freaked out. Though for entirely different reasons, I couldn’t identify with either of you, whereas, however odd it sounds, you two seemed to get along just fine most of the time. And again, I was a stranger in my own home.” – He wiped his eyes and was surprised to feel tears. – “I admit now that the way I left was… unacceptable. I wouldn’t do it again. Never this way. I wouldn’t just run away, and I certainly wouldn’t take all the money and valuables and leave you with the mortgage. A nine-year-old boy to deal with all these! I don’t know what I was thinking but I knew your mother wouldn’t be any help for you. I’m so very sorry about that, Spencer! But I hear you managed exceptionally, and I’m incredibly proud, even though I probably don’t have the right to be…” – He let go of the boy’s hand and caressed his cheek instead. – “I hope you’ll be all right, and you have to know: even though we probably won’t meet again… at least, I don’t think we will… or that we should, for that matter… I will always think about you and I’ll always love you. Have I ever told you that? I don’t think I have. But I love you, son. I really do.”

_He had just told Ethan about his decision regarding Gideon’s offer and his friend wasn’t impressed at all._

_“What!? But going to the FBI was_ my _idea, not yours!” – He spat, sounding as if Spencer had personally offended him somehow. – “I wanted to become an agent! You said it wasn’t for you!”_

_The genius shook his head._

_“You do realize we can both become agents, right? It’s not as if the FBI only needs one single person…”_

_“Oh, but the BAU seems to be needing you, and nobody else! I wanted to become a profiler!”_

_“It’s not my fault Gideon offered it to me! I didn’t ask for this, but should I say ‘no’ just so that you can feel better?” – Spencer was becoming angrier by the minute. He had just sent away his mother to Bennington and he still couldn’t shake the image of her betrayed expression and tear-stained cheeks from his head. Probably never would, thanks to his damn eidetic memory. Also, he was about to sell the house that was the only place he’d ever called home, however unhappy it had been and move to the other side of the country, where he’d never even been before. His life was turning upside down and instead of encouragement, he only got angry accusations from his best friend!_

_“Of course,_ Gideon _would offer it to you, with that showing off you did during his lectures!”_

_“Showing off? You’re crazy! I was just offering my opinion, which, by the way, has turned out to be right! For your information, they solved the case with it!” – He couldn’t resist adding._

_“And here we are again: DOCTOR Spencer Reid, the genius, who’s better than anyone else.”_

_“I didn’t say that!”_

_“You didn’t have to! It’s been like that ever since I’ve known you! Jest get out and leave me alone!”_

_“Bit it’s my room!”_

_“Oh… Shit.” – With that, Ethan stomped out, leaving Spencer alone to his packing. He had just acquired BAs in Psychology and Sociology, and, after spending the last 7 years of his life in this safe haven, he was leaving Cal-Tech. He was leaving California and Nevada and even the time zone. He was leaving for good._

 

Morgan stormed into Hotch’s office without knocking to find their unit chief deep in conversation with Rossi. Both older men looked up at him in surprise.

 

“I talked to Gideon. William Reid visited the Kid yesterday.” – He informed them.

 

“Good.” – Was all Hotch said to the news in an eerily calm manner.

 

“What? You don’t seem too surprised. Why’s that?”

 

It was Rossi who answered.

 

“We thought we might have been convincing enough. We certainly made an impression on the staff.”

 

Morgan didn’t understand anything.

 

“What are you talking about? Care to share what you did? Because obviously you did something…”

 

“We might or might not have given a visit to the ‘father of the year.” – Explained Hotch. – “And might or might not have frightened the shit out of the man.”

 

“And how exactly did you do that?”

 

“NO COMMENT.” – Said both men together and all considered the topic closed.

_Spencer had gone through his training at the Academy – admittedly, with the efficacious help from Gideon and Agent Hotchner – in record time, while Ethan who had started with him, had left it after just a few weeks, claiming it was ‘boring’ and that he could do much greater things elsewhere with his talents. They didn’t talk after that for years._

_His first day at the BAU had passed in a blur of activity with him trying not to trip or say anything stupid that would cause his future colleagues to hate him right away. The mood was very subdued anyway, given the fact that a bomb had just killed six agents (three of them from this very unit) a couple of weeks ago in Boston, and the remaining members were still grieving the loss of their friends. Gideon, who had led the raid that fateful night, had requested a sick leave for an indefinite time, making ‘Hotch’ (he had been asked to call the man that as soon as he had gotten his credentials and joined the BAU) unit chief instead. Gideon insisted he would only be consulting in the future._

_At first, he had been afraid that with Gideon teaching at the Academy he would be left totally alone in the team, maybe he’d even be bullied again. That wasn’t the case though. As Gideon had promised, every one of the members was very welcoming of him and they quickly made him feel at home, more than he had ever felt anywhere in his life._

_Actually, he hadn’t even known at first how to deal with their ‘mother hen’ attitudes, previously only having been the caregiver and never cared for. They considered him the ‘little brother’ of the group and looked out for him more than he thought was necessary. Still, it was a nice feeling for once and had gotten used to it fairly quickly._

_Soon, he had become absolutely certain: he belonged here. This was his family._

Hotch had gathered the whole team in the conference room and had also requested live video connection to a very sleepy Emily, who had been woken up by Garcia in the middle of the night (London time) with an urgent call.

 

Nobody knew what their unit chief wanted to talk to them about but there was only one topic that could concern them all: Spencer. So, they were very anxious and more than a little afraid to learn what had happened.

 

They didn’t have to wait long: Hotch strode into the room, closed the door behind himself and – after making sure everyone he wanted to share the news with was present one way or another – simply stated:

 

“Gideon just called. Doctor Kaufmann and his team believe Spencer might be waking up.”

 

They gaped, unable to even hope it was true. It had been too long: three years and two months.


	12. Miracles Can Happen

It felt like an eternity, when in reality it only took the group a couple of days to finish their ongoing case, meet up with Emily who had been able to negotiate a two-week long vacation and had just arrived from London, and then, finally, together they made their way to Houston. All the while they had been in constant contact with Doctor Kaufmann and Gideon, so they knew Spencer wasn’t awake just yet, but slowly getting there. No one knew what to expect though… In what condition would the young man be when he regained consciousness after over three years of being totally unresponsive? They knew the brain damage caused by the accident had been extensive and nobody had an idea what it would mean for him in the future… Nobody even wanted to think of it for now. First, the only thing they wished for was to see those beautiful warm brown eyes open again.

 

When they arrived at the Brain Trauma Research Center, they found an anxious Gideon standing in the corridor just outside of Reid’s room, clearly agitated and visibly shaking.

 

“They sent me out!” – He complained as soon as he spotted the team hurrying towards him, foregoing any pleasantries. – “They said Spencer wouldn’t know any time had passed and as far as he’s concerned, I’m gone and shouldn’t be here! I know I shouldn’t have told Karl about what happened!”

 

“Karl?” – Blinked Emily.

 

“Doctor Kaufmann! I told him how I left and how much I regret it…”

 

“Oh.”

 

“And now he knows I wasn’t there when the accident happened.”

 

“It makes sense thought.” – Admitted Morgan. – “We don’t want to confuse the Kid right away, seeing someone stand beside him whom he hadn’t seen for what… months? I think months, for him.”

 

Gideon shot such a nasty look at the young agent that everyone cringed from the intensity of it.

 

Rossi wanted to prevent a war breaking out between those two, so he asked instead:

 

“Do they know anything about the state he’ll be in? Will he even recognize any of us…?”

 

Gideon sadly shook his head.

 

“They don’t know anything. But he squeezed my hand half an hour ago! I think… And he groaned, as if in pain! They said it could be anytime now.”

 

“Oh, my God, I can’t believe it!” – Squealed Garcia, hugging a teary-eyed JJ tightly. – “It’s gonna be all right, I just know it! We’ll get him back and everything will be fine again!”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The atmosphere in the waiting area was very subdued. The whole group had been sitting there for over two hours already, waiting to be let in to visit their youngest, or at least get some news about him. Thus far, none of these had happened.

 

One of Doctor Kaufmann’s researchers had run out earlier to greet and inform them that Spencer was, indeed, waking up, but that it could take hours for them to run some tests and, during that time, none of them would be let in to him, because it was a painful and slow process that shouldn’t be disturbed in any way. Also, first and foremost he had to be calmed down instead of being crowded by his loving family. That would come immediately afterwards. So, it was just waiting for now…

 

Hotch thought about how ironic it was that they hadn’t all sat here together ever since last Easter. They had chosen an important holiday each year to celebrate with Spencer… Even the staff had declared they would never forget Garcia’s Halloween cakes, Rossi’s Thanksgiving turkey or JJ’s chocolate Easter eggs. This year, it would have been Christmas with Gideon cooking for them all. He now hoped that by then, they’d have Spencer at home by one of them instead of here, lying in a hospital bed unaware of them even being there with him...

 

For lack of better things to do, they had read through the leaflets the clerk at the desk had provided them about regaining consciousness after a long-term coma, so they knew by now that coming out of it, actually, wasn’t like waking from a deep sleep at all. For one, according to the leaflets, it usually happens gradually, as the patient becomes more and more aware of their surroundings. That meant his eyes wouldn’t just pop open and he wouldn’t sit up with a messy hair yawning widely and ready to begin the day.

 

It could also happen that Spencer’s eyes would open and he’d start moving a bit without him really fully regaining consciousness, and this state could remain all the improvement for weeks or even months. Years… Forever. Starting to wake had really only been the first step of many he’d have to take, and nobody could be entirely sure he’d be able to recover completely. This sobering news saddened the team a bit; they had been expecting… what exactly? To come in here and find Reid bent over a pile of books, doing research? No, not really… Actually, none of them really knew what they’d been expecting. Certainly something more… _spectacular_ than an empty waiting area and hours without any information on their genius.

 

No, as it turned out, opening his eyes wasn’t what they should be hoping for. If he wouldn’t be able to communicate and respond to instructions, then open eyes wouldn’t do him any good. So, if he opened his eyes, it would be considered a first step. If he flinched (or groaned) at pain, a second step. According to Gideon, the latter had already happened, and that should mean something, right?

 

The information material also said a coma patient lost IQ with passing time… What would that mean for Reid? He certainly had some to spare but… He wouldn’t be himself without his weird facts and incredible mind, would he? Could it happened that he’d wake up a completely different person?

 

Finally, they saw Doctor Kaufmann walking towards them and it took all their efforts to keep themselves from running to him and knocking him over with their questions. They could wait for a few seconds longer… Surely…

 

“Doctor! How is the Kid? Tell us already!”

 

Or not…

 

The doctor smiled tiredly and motioned for Morgan to sit back down, before saying:

 

“I have wonderful news to you all. Doctor Reid has opened his eyes and is somewhat responsive to poking and pinching. His brain shows some increased activity when we touch his hands or when we call his name. And I have to admit: his brain just continues to amaze me to this day, others wouldn’t achieve that level at their best times.”

 

JJ couldn’t help asking:

 

“But, Doctor, what exactly does that mean? Will he be all right?”

 

“I’m sorry but it is still too early to tell.” – At the collective sigh of disappointment, he hurriedly added. – “But this is already more than his doctors in Kansas City were expecting from him, right?” – They all nodded, remembering vividly how hopeless things had seemed back then. Compared to it, they certainly had made a headway, that was for sure. – “See? We told you at the very beginning that his unique brain could be the answer. Don’t give up on him now when he has started to improve!”

 

“No, we won’t.” – Assured him Rossi. – “What can we do to help? We’re all here for two weeks, so…”

 

“You can be there for him, just please, keep in mind that we still don’t know if he has heard anything you’ve been telling him since the accident. He may not know any time has passed and, as I’ve already explained to Jason, it’s better if he’s not confronted with everything right away. So, I’ll have to ask you to behave normally, should he show any signs of recognition, also that only those, whose appearance hasn’t changed too much in the last three years, remain in his line of sight. I know it’s hard…” – He said, turning to Gideon. – “… but it’s for his own good. Overwhelming him could further weaken him and he can’t afford that.”

 

“All right.” – Nodded Gideon in understanding. – “But I want to be in his room. I’ll keep away but… I have to see him.”

 

“That’s fine. Oh, where is that petite brown woman who sometimes comes to visit him?” – The doctor inquired, looking at them.

 

“What are you talking about? It’s only us…” – Said Emily. – “And I’m the only brown woman here.”

 

“Well…” – Doctor Kaufmann seemed surprised. – “There is another woman who always comes alone. Never enters when there’s anyone here but… I’m sure she should be here now.”

 

“But who? I’m here most of the time and I never met anyone!” – Said Gideon confusedly.

 

“We have two new team members, both have brown hair… But why would they come here? They don’t know the Kid.” – Wondered Morgan, referring to Doctor Alex Blake who had come to take Emily’s place and to Kate Callahan who was a temporary replacement for Reid and certainly wouldn’t want to visit someone who could with his mere presence get her fired in an instant. They both had vacation and were, as far as they knew, taking a much deserved rest and catching up with their respective families.

 

JJ gasped.

 

“Guys, do you think… that maybe… _Elle_!?”

 

“How would she know? We haven’t heard from her in ages…” – Hotch asked, turning to Garcia suspiciously. – “Did you contact her? It’s all right if you did, just tell us.”

 

“No, sir. I swear. I didn’t. I must admit, I didn’t even think of her…” – She blushed, looking ashamed. – “It would make sense though, she was always close to the Sweet Cheeks.”

 

“Well, when she comes next, I’ll tell her to talk to you then. Oh. You may go inside now. Hearing your voices might prompt him a bit. Just easy, all right?”

 

They nodded, Elle already forgotten – at least for the time being.

 

As soon as they entered the by now familiar room, they could already see the changes they’d been told about: Spencer wasn’t as motionless and corpse-like as before. Now, his fingers twitched, his breathing pattern was more normal (he’d been off the ventilator for a couple of weeks already), and he had his head turned a bit to the side. Now he really looked like he was merely sleeping.

 

Emily was the first to sit next to him and take his hand gently.

 

“Spencer?” – She whispered. – “Can you hear me? It’s Emily…”

 

There was a faint but unmistakable squeeze on her hand and she nearly shrieked in surprise.

 

“Oh, guys! I think he just moved again…” – Said Garcia excitedly, pointing at the young man’s legs that were, indeed, moving a bit under the blankets.

 

“Kid?” – This time it was Morgan. – “Come on, open your eyes for us! Just let us see you a bit… Please…”

 

And then… Spencer did. His eyes opened ever so slowly, appearing a bit unfocused but nonetheless open!

 

“Spencer?” – Hotch, who thought he hadn’t changed much during the last years, stood in front of the boy so that he could, if it were possible, see him. – “It’s Hotch… Spencer…?”

 

But the boy just closed his eyes and was lost to the world again.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It had been three days since the team had arrived at the hospital and Reid was improving at a speed not even the most optimistic researchers had anticipated.

 

He was now following people’s movements with his eyes and sometimes even looked as if he wanted to say something. At times, he reached out for his friends, ‘inviting’ them to come closer – at least, that was how they chose to interpret it, while, according to Doctor Kaufmann, it could be just an involuntary movement, not meaning anything at all.

 

He still wasn’t following commands… The nurses had been trying to get him to ‘blink twice’ or ‘squeeze my hand three times in a row’ and he had not done any of it yet. Doctor Kaufmann said, it meant he wasn’t completely aware of his surroundings yet. Rossi said, it was because the kid was ‘stubborn as a mule’ and ‘could never follow instructions properly anyway, why should he begin now?’. Morgan was secretly very proud of the boy. ‘I wouldn’t parade like a clown either.’ – He thought.

 

Anyway, Gideon wasn’t even let into the room much anymore and it annoyed him to no end, having to sneak in to take a peek when Spencer was confirmedly sleeping. Also, Garcia had been kept away as well, with her hair newly dyed a vivid red color.

 

And still, there wasn’t any lead on the mysterious visitor either.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

On the fifth day, Garcia was back to blond (no hair color was as important as their Baby Genius – she had explained) and sitting next to her ‘Junior G-Man’ when Spencer suddenly woke, turned towards her, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Pen-o-py’. She jumped up screaming, making the young man flinch and say ‘ooooh’. That caused her to scream some more and alert everyone on the floor that something had happened.

 

The doctors, nurses and the team ran into the room at once in sheer panic, thinking somebody was being murdered. Morgan and Hotch even had their guns drawn, ready to defend their beloved genius the extravagant technical analyst.

 

Garcia didn’t even seem to notice the commotion she had caused and squealed instead in delight.

 

“He talked!”

 

“WHAT!?” – Asked at least three people at once, one of them a newcomer nobody had noticed before.

 

“He said my name! Didn’t you, Cupcake? Can you say it again, please?” – But Spencer only stared at the confusing scene wide-eyed, his gaze landing on each person in a row, finally settling on Gideon and Elle, who were both standing at the open door, staring at each other.

 

“El-e? Gid-on?” – The boy whispered uncertainly.


	13. Shocking Reality

The poor boy looked ready to have a full-blown panic attack any minute as he was looking from one person to another, silently asking for an explanation or any kind of help.

 

“Wh-t h---pp—nd? Oh…?” – He slurred and his eyes widened comically, clearly confused and not understanding why he wasn’t able to speak normally and why he felt so funnily weak, as if he weren’t completely there at all… - “No… Wh—t…? GIDEON!”

 

This was enough to wake Doctor Kaufmann from his stupor, and he started giving strict orders immediately.

 

“What is everyone standing here for? Get OUT! All of you! That’s exactly what I wanted to avoid, you’re upsetting him!”

 

Gideon tried to move towards the bed and its distressed occupant but was stopped by a nurse putting her hand in his shoulder, gently preventing him from walking any nearer.

 

“Sir, please. Just step out for a few minutes. It will be all right, he just needs some time to---”

 

“NO! He needs ME! He called for me!”

 

“GIDEON” – Screamed Reid again and immediately afterwards, he tried to get up from the bed. He couldn’t, of course, not with all his muscles weakened over the years, and it obviously frightened him even more. – “Wh—t’s wrrrr-ng… wiiith… AAAA” – He burst out crying, trying to at least sit up but it didn’t work either.

 

The team looked on helplessly as they were being ushered out of the room, forced to leave behind their ailing young friend with the strangers standing around him, trying to calm him down and this far, not succeeding at all.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

As soon as they all were on the corridor with the door firmly closed behind them, separating the family from their ‘little brother’ or ‘son’, everyone turned to the newest addition nobody had been expecting to see.

 

“Elle.” – Greeted Hotch hesitantly. – “We didn’t know you were visiting…”

 

She scoffed.

 

“I didn’t want you to know, obviously.”

 

“But why, Elle?” – Asked Garcia. – “We used to be friends…”

 

“Friends? _Friends_!? How dare you! What kind of people let one of their _friends_ …” – She spat the word with venom. – “… go through what I had to, completely alone!?”

 

JJ shook her head.

 

“It’s not true, we tried to help!”

 

“Oh, yes? Exactly how and when did you try to help me, JJ? Or you, Morgan? Hotch? Gideon? Garcia? HOW? I seem to have forgotten. The only one who ever honestly cared if I was all right or not, was Spencer. Other than him, all I can remember is being accused of murder and stalked the whole day by my so-called boss who was looking for evidence against me.”

 

“Elle, you weren’t wrongfully ‘accused’, you rea---”

 

“Shut up, Hotch! For once in your life: just _shut up_!”

 

“Guys, please! We’re all here for the Kid now and he needs us; all of us.” – Intervened Morgan quickly before the unit chief could say anything to the mocking. – “He doesn’t need us arguing with each other, all right?”

 

“Elle, how did you find out?” – Asked Gideon kindly, trying to show her that they weren’t enemies here.

 

“Well, surely not from either of you, did I?” – She answered hotly, before sighing. – “Spencer was the only one to keep in touch with me after I resigned. Yes, he did!” – She repeated, seeing their dumbfounded expressions. They hadn’t known their youngest had been in contact with their ex-teammate. But, of course, it was something he would do: for him, once family, always family. – “He told me about a lot of things. About his kidnapping and the Dilaudid… It must have been horrible! And about how much it hurt when you…” – She pointed at accusing finger at Gideon. – “… left without even a proper goodbye.”

 

Garcia shook her head sadly.

 

“I never knew… But I should have. My Baby Genius suffers whenever anyone leaves… He loves everyone so much and also, he doesn’t like changes.” – She wiped the tears from her eyes. – “He never told us much about the kidnapping and certainly not about the drugs though…”

 

“Well, maybe he knew how well you were to be trusted. Saw it by my example: at the first sign of problems, you gave up on me.” – They all cringed. None of them had thought she had felt that awfully betrayed by them. This realization even stopped them from commenting on her hurtful accusation. They didn’t think they had to prove to anyone they hadn’t left Spencer, in spite of the doctors wanting to particularly give up on him in the beginning. – “Anyway, we usually wrote each other once or twice a month; the old-fashioned way, because he said e-mails were impersonal. When his letters stopped coming… I already knew there must be something wrong. I mean, he even wrote to me regularly when he was struggling in his own personal hell! So, I investigated a bit… and found out. You should have called me.” – She finished, hanging her head.

 

“I’m so sorry, Elle.” – Said JJ. – “You’re right: we should have called you. _I_ should have called you.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I came here whenever I could and waited until everyone else was gone. Then I visited Spencer, talked to him, read to him… And now, that he’s awake, I think I have a right to be here, too!”

 

“Nobody said you didn’t have the right, Elle.” – Assured her Hotch and turned away, signaling to everyone that he considered the matter closed.

 

Elle walked to the window and stood looking outside, with her back to them, demonstrating the fact that she didn’t consider herself one of them anymore. She was only here for Reid and for no other reason.  

 

Hotch and Gideon shared a knowing look: they had talked a lot about her situation back then and had agreed they couldn’t have done anything else under those circumstances. Still, they both still felt like they had failed her somehow and wished things would have been different…

 

But there was nothing they could do about it anymore and now it wasn’t the time to talk matters through, so, eventually, they were back to waiting again.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Doctor Kaufmann walked up to them around twenty minutes later, addressing the anxiously waiting group.

 

“He’s a bit better now. We calmed him and gave him a cup of water to sip through a straw. But just a bit, don’t give him more now! His speech is much better when he’s not panicking, and I have to press, again, how extraordinary this young man is. This miraculous recovery was absolutely unexpected; even we didn’t think that possible. So much so, that we keep waiting for something to turn out wrong… Anyway, right now we can’t find any signs of brain damage, though, naturally, we haven’t done a complete examination yet. He’s not up to being moved to CAT scans and MRIs, obviously. But he’s lucid, he can talk, he remembers you all and also asked about the little girl he saved ‘yesterday’.”

 

The profilers and ex-profilers couldn’t have been happier about the news, until the very last word of the doctor’s report.

 

“Huh…” – Blinked Morgan, not having thought about this problem yet. – “And what did you tell him?”

 

The doctor looked mildly uncomfortable and, possibly for the first time ever, avoided eye-contact.

 

“Nothing, really… We figured you would tell him. Very gently and only when you think he’s ready and can take it! But I believe it’s best if he hears it from you; you’re his family and he trusts you, while it’s possible he wouldn’t even believe us. We only explained to him that he was seriously injured during the accident and that he’s in a hospital.”

 

Gideon nodded in agreement.

 

“Yes, it’s the best if we tell him. Only as much at once as he can take…” – He turned to the others. – “Listen, everyone. There have been many changes during these three years; some of which he’ll find painful to learn. We know how he hates losing teammates and Prentiss is gone. Also, we all have changed, our lives have changed… All normal things but still, they’ll be much to take in. So let’s not drop all fact at him right away, all right?” – He asked, pleading with them to understand. He knew everyone wanted to tell their genius everything but, for his sake, it had to be planned carefully first.

 

Hotch continued for him.

 

“Yes, Jason is right. Even the good news could prove to be too much. So, let’s just stick to telling him about the time that has passed; he’ll have to learn that first. Then we’ll see how he reacts and go from there.”

 

There was no argument about it; regardless of their differences with each other, they all wanted the best for their young friend. None of them could even begin to imagine what it would be like to wake up and find they’d lost over three years of their life while everyone and everything else had aged/changed around them.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

They quietly entered the cozy, with Star Trek posters decorated room one by one, the last person – JJ – pulling the door closed. They all made themselves comfortable scattered around everywhere, like sitting on the couch, perched in chairs or balancing at the edge of the boy’s bed. All the while, Spencer was eying then tiredly, apparently having decided to let them do the talking first.

 

Rossi, with an unusual amount of fatherly gentleness in his voice, broke the silence:

 

“Kiddo, we heard the doctor has told you about your injuries?” – He asked, squeezing the boy’s shoulder to keep him calm.

 

Reid nodded, still not speaking, but scrutinizing them all with a curious glance, as if trying to figure something out that he still couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was Hotch who continued quietly.

 

“He also told you that it took you a while to get better, right? That the accident didn’t happen yesterday?”

 

“How’s the little girl?” – Piped up the genius finally, and indeed: he was speaking just fine, albeit a bit slower and softer than before. – “The doctor didn’t know…”

 

JJ took his hand into her own.

 

“She’s fine, Spence. I’ve talked to her mother a few times. She’s been asking about you, wanting to know if you’re all right. I guess, they might want to come visit you some time if you’ll be up to it.” – Actually, the now nearly six-year-old girl idolized the ‘mysterious man’ who had saved her ‘years and years and years ago’, and JJ knew she pestered her mother constantly to be able to visit him. Obviously, it hadn’t been possible until now.  

 

“You saved her life, Kid. You’re a hero.”

 

“Thanks, Morgan.” – He waited a few minutes expectantly, but nobody seemed to want to say anything more. – “All right… Will someone finally tell me what really happened?” – At that, some of the team turned away, hiding their faces from him, others blushed red or gaped in a masterful imitation of a fish. – “Guys, I might be injured but I’m not blind… I can see that something’s wrong. You all look funny… And Elle and Gideon are here… I haven’t seen either of you for months! So… Am I paralyzed…?”

 

“WHAT!?”

 

“I don’t seem to be able to move at all…” – He said, trying to pull his legs up just to find what he had expected: that he didn’t have the strength to do so.

 

“No, no! Listen, Spencer: you know we wouldn’t lie to you about something like that, right?” – At the boy’s reluctant nod, Hotch went on. – “You. Are. Not. Paralyzed. You might have to… ahh… _practice_ moving around again, because you haven’t used your muscles for… a… while.” – More like ‘relearn’ even the simplest things, he suspected but he clearly couldn’t word it like that. Not right now.  

 

Spencer narrowed his eyes at his unit chief.

 

“Exactly how long is ‘a while’?” – He demanded to know.

 

“Ahm…” – Hotch looked towards the others for help.

 

Elle finally took pity on the increasingly agitated young man and took matter into her own hand.

 

“Spencer, listen to me. I know it will sound very frightening but it will be all right; I promise.” – She took a deep breath. – “You were in a coma for three years and two months.”

 

Silence.

 

“Reid…?” – Tried Emily.

 

Silence.

 

“Kiddo…”

 

Silence.

 

“Kid, come on… Say something!”

 

Silence.

 

“Spence…”

 

Ever so slowly, the young patient looked up again.

 

“Excuse me?” – Ha asked very slowly, carefully pronouncing each syllable. – “Three _years_ , you said?”

 

“And two months.” – He shot Garcia a murderous glare at that. – “Sorry, Apple Pie… I’m… sorry.”

 

“I want to be alone.”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, son. I th---”

 

“I WANT TO BE ALONE!”

 

Gideon nodded, motioning for everyone to leave.

 

“We’ll be outside when you need us. Son: we’re here for you and we’re not going away, so don’t even waste your energy on trying to get rid of us. I can promise you, it won’t work.”

 

“Why not though? You’re good at walking away, Gideon.”

 

“Spencer!”

 

“It’s all right, JJ. He’s right. I walked away, and I’m sorry. But I’ve been here for the last three years and I’m not going anywhere now either. Just outside, onto the corridor to give you some space. And then we’ll all be back.”

 

Spencer turned away from them with difficulty, burying his face into his pillow, soaking it with his tears.

 

Outside, Rossi sighed sadly.

 

“Well, that went well…”


	14. A Whole New World

The profilers had decided to give the boy half an hour before someone – only one person at a time – would go in to talk to him. They realized now that they had been inadvertently crowding him before, and it had been too much for the young boy in his current state. Quite understandable, really. After some debate, they had chosen Rossi to be the first one trying to cheer him up, who had agreed to it without hesitation.

 

So, about thirty minutes after they had left Spencer alone to pull himself together, the senior profiler gently knocked on the door then entered without waiting for a reply – mainly because he knew very well he wouldn’t get any.

 

Reid was in the same position as before, with his head buried in his fluffy pillow, shoulders shaking slightly with each sob. Rossi slowly sat down onto the chair next to his bed and rubbed his back gently.

 

“Hey, Kiddo. It’s all right. Come on, it will be fine. You’ll see.”

 

“No, it won’t!” – Muttered the genius barely audibly, still not facing the older man.

 

“Spencer, look at me please. Wait, I’ll help you. That’s good.” – As soon as he was sure the boy was paying attention to him, Rossi wiped the pale, wet cheeks with his thumbs and began the speech he had rehearsed in his head before coming in. – “Listen: what happened to you… it was horrible. We really thought for a while we’d lose you forever. Then we didn’t know if you’d ever wake. There was so much debate about where to bring you, how to help… We didn’t know what would be the best. Hotch and Morgan had a row then Jason and Morgan performed a nice shouting match on the hospital’s corridor… It all seemed so dark and hopeless! But Kiddo: Jason and your other ex-teammate… Elle is her name?” – Spencer nodded. – “They came back for you and everyone always asks about you in Headquarters. The mother of the little girl has kept in contact with JJ and has raised her child to know about your heroic antics. You’re also Jack’s hero and… well.” – He couldn’t tell the boy about how his two-year-old godson adored him just because of the stories he had heard; it wasn’t for him to say. – “My point is: everyone loves you and everyone prayed for you to get better. Your gaining consciousness is like a miracle come true to all of us. No previous misunderstandings or hard-feelings matter to us now. We’re all happy together. And I know you still have a long way to go to fully recover but we want to be there for you the whole time. Everyone.”

 

“What about my Mom? Bennington costs a lot and I wasn’t paying for three years… Oh, my God!” – He was clearly panicking again, and trying to jump out of bed as if it could help with his situation any.

 

The senior profiler firmly pushed him back and soothed:

 

“Your mother is fine. You think we forgot about her? We’ve been in constant contact with her doctors and the director of Bennington. Your savings and the money you left with the lawyer were more than enough. Actually, it’s estimated she’ll be fine for another year or so. And I would have helped. I will still help.”

 

“Does she… remember me…?”

 

“I’m sorry. Nothing has changed.”

 

Spencer gulped and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment or two.

 

“Maybe it’s better this way… And my apartment?”

 

Rossi sighed. There was no easy way to say it.

 

“It’s gone. I’m sorry. I kept it as long as possible but the landlord said he didn’t want it empty, even if it’s payed for. He terminated the contract. But your things are all fine! They’re at my house, where you’ll be welcome to stay. It’s big enough; you’d have an own wing, actually.”

 

“It’s all right, as a matter of fact, I didn’t like it very much. But you didn’t have to use your money on me, sir. I’ll pay you back everything!” – Spencer promised blushing.

 

“Don’t you dare say that again, boy!” – Chided the man strictly. – “I have more than enough money, I have to spend it somehow. I helped gladly and I’ll help you in the future. No arguments!” – He said when Reid had opened his mouth to say something. – “You know you won’t be able to get back to work for a while. First, you’ll have to concentrate on getting better and that’s it. You have a home with me and you will not worry about money. Understood?”

 

What was there to say to that? Spencer nodded solemnly, again feeling the tears running down his face. Damn, it looked like coma made a person overly emotional.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The next visitor was Morgan. He poked his head into the room first to make sure his ‘little brother’ was awake, before entering and sitting down next to him hesitantly. Spencer thought he’d never seen the older agent look as unsure of himself as now. It was somewhat disconcerting, seeing that Morgan usually had the self-assuredness of a spoiled royalty.

 

“Hey. Where’s your hair gone?” – He joked lightly, to ease the tension.

 

“Heh? Oh! I forgot you haven’t seen me like that… Well…”

 

“It’s not bad. Gives you more of a bad-ass look.”

 

“Thanks…”

 

“What? ‘Thanks’? Derek, it’s me… Come on… Can’t you at least try to behave normally? Please?”

 

Morgan took a deep breath.

 

“I’m sorry. So much has changed over these three years… I’m not sure I still remember what ‘normal’ was back then.” – Seeing the boy’s broken expression, he quickly said. – “But I’ll try! Hey… You all right?”

 

“Yeah… It’s just… I get constantly reminded of how the world has moved on and I got left behind…”

 

“Hey, look on the bright side of this situation! Just imagine how many books have come out in that time! You’ll have reading new material for a week or two!”

 

“I guess.” – The boy smiled. – “Will you tell me about yourself? It’s as if I have to get to know you again.” – He explained sadly.

 

“I… We had a big row with Hotch when… back _then_. We made up, don’t worry but… Dunno… Somehow, I’m not sure things have ever gone back to how they used to be before. Actually, with you gone, nothing was ever like before. I think we all grew up a bit.” – He wouldn’t say now that he was seriously thinking about leaving the BAU soon. – “Oh, and I’ve got a girlfriend now!”

 

The boy gave a fake gasp.

 

“Wow, you mean someone you’re with for more than a night?”

 

“Yep! We’re getting married in the summer! And you’ll be my best man, of course.” – Morgan announced proudly.

 

“Seriously!? You, Derek Morgan, getting married!? Who would have thought it possible!” – That wasn’t the time to mention how much he hated weddings, the genius decided. – “And who’s the fortunate woman?”

 

“Her name’s Savannah and she’s a doctor at Bethesda General Hospital.”

 

“A doctor? How did you get so lucky?” – Laughed Spencer, really baffled.

 

“I have honestly no idea. But you know, with all these changes… there’s still one thing that’s the same?”

 

“Yeah? And what’s that?”

 

“That you’re still the best little brother anyone could ask for. I’m so happy you’re with us again, Kid.” – He hugged the touched boy tightly, never wanting to let go.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“JJ, what’s wrong? You’re not even looking at me…” – Prodded Spencer, trying to figure out why his ‘sister’ was literally avoiding eye-contact and looked ready to faint at the thought of talking to him when they’d never had that problem before. Of course, everything had been different then…

 

“It’s just that… The others told me not to tell you anything that might upset you. And you just asked what’s been up with me and… I don’t know what to say!” – She admitted finally, having lost control over her emotions. Getting the genius back was something she hadn’t even dreamt of anymore. She was so happy, it was overwhelming.

 

“All right, now, you telling me there’s something that would upset me, _is_ upsetting me already!”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I messed this up!” – She sighed.

 

“JJ, just tell me what’s wrong, for God’s sake!”

 

“No, nothing like that. It’s actually good. Just a big change…”

 

“JJ…”

 

“All right, all right! Aaa… I have a boyfriend. Will. I mean: William LaMontagne, Jr. You might remember him from New Orleans.”

 

Spencer searched his memories. His head still felt a little fuzzy and it was more difficult to remember things than ever before. It scared him a bit, to tell the truth…

 

“Oh, the detective whose father was killed by the Hurricane Katrina?” – He guessed.

 

She beamed happily.

 

“Exactly. We kept in touch and… well. We’ve been together for years now. And… that’s not all.” – She studied his face uncertainly to see if he was upset but only found curiosity, so she continued. – “You’re a godfather.”

 

“Heh?”

 

“I mean, only if you accept, of course, but we’ve raised Henry to consider you as such. He just turned two and idolizes you, because we’ve told him so much about his godfather already…”

 

“You…” – Spencer was too choked up to continue, he had to take a break, before saying: - “You really told your son about me? And you want me to be godfather?”

 

“Of course, Spence! I wouldn’t have it any other way! Would you… like to see a picture of him?”

 

“Sure!” – He replied excitedly.

 

“I brought you some. Here.” – He gingerly reached for the photos but didn’t manage to actually take them. – “Oh, Spence, I’m sorry. I’ll help you.”

 

JJ showed him the pictures and told him the stories behind each, for example how they had managed to capture his first time sitting up, or how the baby had ended up dropping his whole slice of cake to the floor on his second birthday just a few weeks ago.

 

“He’s so precious! And looks exactly like you.”

 

“I would like you to meet him when you’ll feel ready.”

 

“Of course. I’m his godfather, after all. I’ll need to talk to him about his future college choices.” – He declared seriously, making JJ giggle.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Garcia couldn’t wait to tell her Sweet Cheeks everything that had happened in the last three years to her. She had been talking for the last ten minutes relentlessly and Reid was content to just listen to her excited rambling speech. He was tired, if he wanted to be honest, and didn’t know how long he’d be able to stay awake.

 

“… and so we broke up with Kevin after that but we’re still very good friends. And I think he has his eyes on that girl from Accounting and I’ll help him plan a date if he asks and…”

 

His head was actually starting to pound, and he wondered if he could ask for a Tylenol. His doctors had told him he wasn’t quite all right yet and shouldn’t push himself too hard. But they had also told him he was a miracle and that nobody had ever expected him to be himself, even if he came out of the coma. So, if he was performing wonders, he should be fine talking to his friends, right?

 

“… I’m counselling victims and their families in my spare time. Which is not much, of course, but I like doing it. With all the horrible things we see all the time, it’s good to know I can help people who went through hell feel a bit better.”

 

“That’s incredibly thoughtful of you, Garcia. I wish I had something like that after… you know. It’s important not to be alone in difficult times.”

 

“I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you, Cupcake. I won’t ever forgive myself for that.”

 

“It’s all right. You had other things on your minds. I understand.”

 

She shook her head sadly.

 

“You shouldn’t. You should hate us.”

 

“Well, I don’t.”

 

“That’s because you’re too good, my Junior G-Man.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

“Hotch, hey… You know, Rossi and Morgan told me how you had to make all the decisions and how you even had to fight for them… mostly against Morgan. I know what he can be like, especially when he’s frustrated about something. So… Thank you. And I’m sorry to have caused you so much trouble…”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry, I’m happy I could help at least with that. I was feeling helpless anyway, but if I hadn’t had at least that much control… I don’t know. So, it’s fine. Besides, this was the best decision I could have made; this place helped you come back to us after all. I’m not sure they could have achieved that anywhere else.”

 

“Was I really that sick?” – Asked Spencer, dreading the answer. So far, nobody had volunteered much information about how serious his condition really had been.

 

Hotch paled even at the thought of it.

 

“Yes, Reid. You were. They said you’d probably die. Or if not, you’d never wake. And then here the doctors at least had some hope but still didn’t promise you’d ever be the same. If anything, they were expecting serious brain damage.”

 

The boy cringed.

 

“Thank you for having faith in me. I guess, that helped.”

 

“Thank you for coming back. Jack’s been asking about you all the time.”

 

“How is he?”

 

The unit chief smiled fondly.

 

“Oh, he’s a big boy now; four years old.”

 

“Wow. And he can still remember me? He was just a one-year-old baby when… this…” – He motioned clumsily at himself. – “… happened.”

 

“Of course, he can. He adores his Uncle Spencer. He might not have remembered but we always show him pictures and tell him stories, so that he won’t forget.”

 

“Does he like Henry? My godson! Can you believe it!?” – He asked proudly. He still couldn’t imagine himself as a godfather though.

 

“Yeah, they like each other well enough. But the age difference is very significant now, so they don’t really play together.”

 

“And what about you? Are you all right, Hotch?”

 

“I’m…” – No, he wouldn’t tell the boy about Haley’s death and his own personal hell that had been caused by Foyet. Definitely not. – “I’m fine. I have a girlfriend: Beth. Jack adores her and she’s great with him.”

 

“I’m happy for you, Hotch.”

 

“Thank you, Spencer.”- He’d tell him later, when he could take bad news without freaking out.

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

“So, 2008, huh?” – He asked, as soon as Emily entered the room. – “I thought we said we’d win the Lottery by now and move to Hawaii. We haven’t.” – He joked half-heartedly.

 

“Exactly. And there’s only a month and a half remaining of the year, so we’d better hurry up. I guess it doesn’t help that I haven’t played Lottery for ages.”

 

“Neither have I. Damn.” – Both laughed at that. – “But if what I’ve heard is true, I had roughly as big a chance to survive as to win the draw… I guess I got lucky after all.”

 

Emily sobered at once.

 

“I’d take this over the money any day, Reid. That’s all the luck we all needed and prayed for.”

 

He shook his head somewhat sadly.

 

“It’s hard to believe I’m 24 now. It sounds… weird. I wasn’t 22 or 23. Just 21 one day then 24 the next. Incredible.”

 

“I think your age can be up to debate.” – She winked.

 

 “Coma doesn’t stop the aging process, Emily.”

 

“Hmmm… I don’t know. You’re still as childlike as you used to be. Not even a hint of stubble on you babyface.” – She teasingly pinched his cheek. – “You still don’t look a day over 12. You haven’t changed at all.”

 

“You haven’t changed either. Only your hair is an inch and a half shorter. That’s it.”

 

“An inch and a half? Come on, you can’t tell that! There’s no way! I don’t even remember what my hair looked like over three years ago; you could say anything. You’re just making it up!”

 

“Nope. For me, it was only a few days ago. Besides: I do have an eidetic memory. It’s more difficult to tell with JJ, for she always wears her hair differently, so it can be misleading. But you had your hair the same way and it was exactly 1,5 inches longer then.”

 

“You know what? If I had any doubts about you being yourself until now, they’re certainly gone now!”

 

It wasn’t until later that Reid realized something: Emily, with all the jesting and laughing they had done, hadn’t told him anything about herself.

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

Elle could clearly see how exhausted the young man was, so she pulled the covers up a bit more and encouraged him to sink into the pillow comfortably.

 

“I don’t want to sleep. I have so much to learn about everyone. Everything’s changed…”

 

His old friend chided him gently, just like she had done so many times before when they had been teammates. When everything seemed so much simpler… and better.

 

“Nonsense. If you get well, you’ll have all the time in the world to talk to all of us, Reid. But if you work yourself into a coma again… I don’t even want to think of it.”

 

“All right.” – He grumbled. – “But at least talk to me until I fall asleep. Tell me what you’ve been doing. Please!”

 

She laughed.

 

“Okay, okay! So, where to begin… I changed jobs. I’m a private detective now!” – She told him and smiled upon seeing the amusement on his face at that information.

 

“Like the female version of Sherlock Holmes? Wow! Though he called himself a ‘consulting’ detective but… whatever. And what kind of cases do you take?” – He wanted to know.

 

“All kinds. Mostly, it’s just people who think their partners are cheating on them. It’s the boring stuff. Except for that one time when the wife and the husband both contracted me to spy on the other.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Way! And I couldn’t exactly say I won’t take the case because I’m already working for his wife! So I spied on them both alternately, and made a very interesting discovery!”

 

“And what was that?” – He asked like a little child sitting in front of the television, impatiently waiting for his favorite cartoon to begin.

 

“They were _both_ cheating; and guess what? Their lovers were married to each other!”

 

“Oh, my God! So, they just should swap partners and it would be fine then!”

 

“Exactly! Crazy, I know, but true. And sometimes I get to use my profiling skills as well. One time I had to look for stolen family jewelry! It was fun, especially when it turned out the 15-year-old son had sold them to pay for a tattoo…”

 

“Oh, my God, that’s hilarious! I bet the parents regretted starting the investigation in the first place!”

 

“Quite the contrary: they had me track down the tattoo artist so that they could give him a piece of their minds about working for a minor without parental consent.”

 

“Amazing! It must be good not only working on gruesome serial murder cases for a change…”

 

“Yes, it is.” – She agreed in all honesty, remembering the heartbreaking crime scenes they had to visit regularly and then all the bloody accidents she had seen as a police officer afterwards. – “And I have a serious boyfriend. He’s name is Mark and he’s from Alabama. He’s a lawyer.”

 

“Oh, you too!? Seems like everyone but Garcia has gained a new love life.” – He observed.

 

“Well, things are changing…”

 

“Tell me about it. I feel like I’m Alice and just arrived at the Wonderland. Or as if I’ve stepped through the Wardrobe into the Enchanted Land of Narnia. Or as if I got my letter inviting me to Hogwarts. Or---”

 

“All right, all right. I get it. It’s all new!” – She smiled.

 

“Yes. Very much so. It’s a whole new world…”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

When Gideon entered, he had to smile at the sight of the young man sleeping soundly, snuggled between soft pillows and warm blankets, completely relaxed for once.

 

He sat down next to the boy he considered a son to guard his dreams. They’d have time to talk when he’d wake up and feel more rested.

 

They’d have all the time now that Spencer was conscious again.


	15. More Serious Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been pointed out to me that the timeline is a bit messed up. And it’s absolutely true of course :), though it’s not accidental at all. I must admit, I have a bad habit of simply ignoring things I don’t like in the show, speeding time up a bit, making characters younger/older or reorganize canon happenings. I could write a whole study about what I do not like in Criminal Minds but I won’t, since I don’t think anyone would care. :D Also, I must press: I LOVE the show! It’s just that I’m sure everyone knows the feeling when you think ‘that or that would have been better’. And fanfiction is exactly the platform to try these out, right?
> 
> So, I know this is really a mix of all seasons but bear with me please. :) I needed big changes for Spencer but he really couldn’t be in a coma for 12 years… Everything will be explained in the story.

“Just ask, Spencer; tell me what’s on that brilliant mind of yours.” – Sighed Gideon, having had enough of the calculating stares his young protégé had been giving him for good half an hour now. The rest of the team had gone back to the hotel to catch some rest, so it was only the two of them for a while. It was the first time the both of them could be alone since the boy had regained consciousness enough to know his surroundings and, unsurprisingly, the atmosphere was a bit tense. – “You know we can talk about anything.”

 

“Do I though? I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You didn’t think it necessary to talk to me about wanting to leave…” – He said, sounding just a tad bit accusatory.

 

Gideon cringed. He’d had a feeling this was the reason for the young man’s silent treatment. He could understand: while he’d had the opportunity before to talk this through with other members of his old team and make up with them (yes, even with Morgan, eventually), as far as the boy was concerned, he had up and left, and that was it. The last three years hadn’t happened for him, so no amount of caring he had done during that time could make up for his previous sins.

 

It was time to talk about what had happened years ago – or, in the case of his surrogate son: a couple of months ago.

 

“I’m actually glad you brought it up, because I’ve been wanting to speak with you about that. First of all, I’d like to wholeheartedly apologize. I wasn’t thinking clearly when I left, I was completely broken… I know it’s no excuse; it’s just an explanation.”

 

The young genius shook his head.

 

“I’m not angry; I don’t have the right to be. You didn’t owe me anything, so I have no right to demand anything. It’s just that I’m disappointed and sad, because I thought we were… friends? You were like a father to me, Gideon. I know you didn’t feel the same way but I hoped---”

 

“Spencer, if there is one thing I can say for certain is that I have always loved you like a son. Ever since we became close at Cal-Tech.” – He smiled fondly at the memory. – “Remember that? You solved that cold case for us in just a few minutes. We’ve been working on it for ages! You were so amazing, I haven’t met anyone like that before. Or ever since, for that matter… But you were so much more too: a lost boy who needed guidance and care. I was glad to be there for you.”

 

“Of course, I remember, Gideon. It wasn’t so long ago for me…”

 

“And I could never forget, no matter how long it’s been.”

 

“But then: why? WHY? Gideon! WHY!?” – Spencer had to breathe in and out a few times to prevent himself from freaking out completely. His emotions were still playing tricks on him, (probably a side effect of the brain injury he’d sustained), and this was a very sensitive topic for him anyway. – “I never thought I’d get the chance to ask you this; I haven’t prepared a fitting speech or even as much as a correct question. I just want to know _why_.” – He pleaded.

 

The older man reached out and brushed a few curls of the messy hair from the boy’s forehead.

 

“I wish I knew, son. I wish I could explain… The truth is: I was in a state that caused me to act foolish. I knew, somewhere deep down, that I was hurting you, but it didn’t really register. Not then. I just felt like I had to flee. To get as far away as possible and leave everything behind because, it seemed to me, everything dear to me could and would be destroyed by my enemies. I loved Sarah and that was the sole reason she had to die and who was to say it wouldn’t happen again? I felt like I was protecting you all if I removed myself from your lives.”

 

The boy blinked confusedly.

 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

 

“No. It’s just the truth. Especially in light of your kidnapping, I didn’t feel like it was doing any good for you to be near me. I couldn’t help you then either…”

 

“Oooookay…” – A healthy amount of skepticism was evident in the young man’s voice. – “Whatever. What changed? I mean: you’re here. You’ve been here the last three years, I’ve been told that. And that’s something I really appreciate. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how much. It shows me you still care…”

 

“I do! And what changed? Well… I did. I think… Or I just came to my senses.” – He replied thoughtfully. – “Sarah’s gone, and nothing is ever going to bring her back. You were kidnapped and tortured and however much I want, I can’t change that now. And my running away surely didn’t keep you safe from an approaching truck. There are lots of dangers lurking and I can only at least hope to keep my loved ones safe or care for them when they’re sick and injured if I’m around. I understand that now. I am honestly very sorry it took me months and you nearly dying to pull myself together.”

 

“You do know that you couldn’t have stopped this happening, right? Even if you had been standing next to me, like Rossi was. I can be fast when I want to.”

 

The ex-profiler smiled sadly at that.

 

“Oh, I know that. You’ve always been much quicker and stronger than anyone who doesn’t know you gives you credit for. You like downplaying your abilities. As a matter of fact, I’m still not sure we’ve seen your full potential. But I know the doctors have been amazed to see the workings of your brain from the very first moment. There must be something really exceptional about you.”

 

The boy hesitated a bit.

 

“Can I ask you something?” – At the affirmative nod, he continued slowly. – “Will you leave again?”

 

So, that was it. He had asked the question that had been on his mind ever since he’d found his old mentor and father-figure standing at his bedside upon waking up.

 

The answer was quick to come and sounded very firm:

 

“NO! Never! I’ve learnt from my mistakes and I won’t make them twice. I will never ever leave you again, son. I can promise you that.”

 

“I hope so because I’m not sure I could take it…”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It had been decided by Doctor Kaufmann that Reid should begin his physical therapy right away, to see how far he could progress with trying to use his arms and legs again. It had become painfully obvious at the very first try that it would be a long, sluggish process, not to mention that no success could be guaranteed as of right now. Needless to say, it frustrated the young genius to no end: while he was used to the fact that his body’s movements could never keep up with the lightning speed of his brain (resulting in flailing arms and rapid speech when he was trying to explain something) but it had never been like this…

 

“I can’t!” – He groaned angrily after the third unsuccessful attempt at grabbing a fork. – “I just CAN’T do it! Why can’t I do it? I don’t understand! It’s as if I’m not controlling my own body!”

 

“That’s because right now, you’re not. But it’s okay, you’ll get better. Just try to be a bit more patient, Doctor Reid!” – Doctor Emilia Goodwill, the physical therapist hired by the helpful hospital staff (“We usually only deal with unconscious people but she’s had great achievements with seriously injured patients in the past.”) warned gently. – “It’s going to be counterproductive if you’re pushing yourself too hard.”

 

“But I want to be normal again!” – He whined.

 

“When have you ever been normal?” – Laughed Emily, who had been standing at the door for a while unnoticed by the two occupants of the room for the last ten minutes or so.

 

Both looked up in surprise and Doctor Goodwill took the opportunity to make the struggling boy take a few minutes’ break.

 

“I’ll be waiting outside while you talk. Take your time, we’re not running anywhere.”

 

She left quietly, ignoring Spencer’s murmured ‘Well, I’m not, that’s for sure’, with a smile encouraging the visitor to step inside and try to cheer the young man up a bit.

 

“Hey.” – Emily greeted happily. – “How are you.”

 

“Just fabulous…” – Grumped the youth, rolling his eyes and knocking the tray he had on his lap away in annoyance. Luckily, it was empty, having only been placed there for practicing purposes.

 

“Don’t sulk! You’re doing great!”

 

“Sure I am…”

 

“YES! You are. You’re alive, awake, talking and thinking straight, aren’t you?”

 

“So?”

 

“So!? A few weeks ago, it all seemed impossible! They said you could never be all right again. And here you are, your old self… Give it a time and you’ll get full mobility back as well. Just don’t rush things.”

 

“Yes, mother…” – Reid sighed. – “Why are you here?”

 

“Oh, that’s nice of you!” – She said mock-indignantly before losing her smile altogether. – “Actually, I came to say goodbye. I need to get back to work. My boss---”

 

“Your boss is here too.” – He reminded her but then caught something in her expression he couldn’t read very well but he knew it made his stomach churn. – “Isn’t he…?”

 

Emily closed her eyes for a moment, preparing herself to say what she had neglected to mention before.

 

“Spencer, I… khm… I’m not working for the FBI anymore…” – The boy just stared at her wide-eyed, not reacting at all. – “I live in London now and I work for Interpol. When you were getting better, Hotch called me and I asked for vacation time to be able to be here when you woke up but… I can’t stay any longer, I need to fly back to the UK this evening. I’m sorry. But we’ll keep in touch, I promise!” – She quickly added, hoping it would make him feel at least a bit better.

 

It didn’t.

 

“You’re not with the BAU anymore? We won’t be working together?” – He asked in disbelief. – “You left us?” – It sounded more like ‘you left _me_ ’, even if it hadn’t been worded that way, and it made Emily’s heart break into a thousand miniature pieces.

 

“I’m so sorry, Reid. When you had your accident and we all thought we lost you… Nothing was ever the same anymore.” – She admitted. – “Hotch and Morgan are… I don’t know how to say it. They still respect each other and are civil but the old companionship is gone. They’re very professional but that’s it. JJ has Will and Henry now and she spends all her free time with her family; rightfully so, of course. And with what happened to Hotch---”

 

“Why? What happened to Hotch?”

 

“Oh, shit… listen, forget it, okay? It’s not for me to tell…”

 

“Emily! You began so you’d better finish! Tell me, what happened! He didn’t say anything about something bad happening!” – Spencer pressed.

 

“Damn… Aaaa, all right. You know… Haley died.”

 

“What? Haley’s dead? And Jack…?”

 

“He’s with Hotch now. Beth is a big help, or at least that’s what I heard from Garcia. She still likes to gossip a lot. Also, JJ and Will babysit Jack a few times. But you can imagine that Hotch’s not the same anymore either. Especially considering that Haley was killed by an UnSub going after Hotch, using his family as bait. He only barely managed to save Jack from the same fate.”

 

“Oh my God! Is Hotch all right after all these?”

 

She nodded reluctantly.

 

“He’s all right now. He was seriously injured but it was long ago. A year after your… accident. We nearly lost him too. That was the last straw for me; after that, I started looking into my options, and left as soon as I found the Interpol. I like it there very much.” – She admitted.

 

“So, you left us and nobody is the same as before. We’re not a family anymore.” – He concluded sadly, absentmindedly playing with the fork, not even realizing he had been able to grab it finally. – “My family is gone.”

 

“No, Spencer! NO! Listen to me: we all love you the same. It doesn’t matter where we work or how others stand with each other. You are important to us all and it won’t ever change. We’ll be keeping in touch. As soon as you’ll be better, you’ll come visit me in London. Have you ever been there? It’s a beautiful city full of things to see and do. I’ll show you everything!”

 

“Em, I can’t even get out of the bed…”

 

“No matter, you’ll be fine with time. Until then, I’ll visit you here as often as I can. We won’t lose our friendship, I promise!”

 

He shook his head.

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“No. It’s different but not necessarily worse. Give it a chance!”

 

“It’s not as if I have any other option, do I?” – He asked, wiping angry tears from his face, nearly poking his left eye out because of his bad hand movements.

 

They talked for another ten minutes – well, Emily talked. Spencer had refused to say anything more. As soon as she left with a last hug which, at least, had been clumsily returned, Doctor Goodwill came back and noted that the ‘cheering up’ part definitely hadn’t worked out the way she had hoped it would.

 

There was no working with the heartbroken young genius that day anymore.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“You lied to me!” – Spencer shouted as soon as Hotch sat down next to his bed, carrying something that looked like a self-made photo album.

 

“Excuse me?” – The surprised unit chief asked. – “When did I lie to you?”

 

“You never told me that Haley was killed! That Emily doesn’t work with us anymore! Hell, she doesn’t even live in the States! That you and Morgan don’t really talk anymore! And that… that… that _everything is all wrong_!”

 

Hotch sighed. Indeed, he hadn’t told the boy any of these. Hadn’t wished for him to find out this way either. Speaking of which…

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Emily came and said goodbye! She’s traveling back to London now! She told me! But don’t you dare be angry at her because of it; why didn’t _you_ tell me right away!?”

 

“I’m sorry, Reid. I didn’t want to upset you when you had enough to deal with anyway. I didn’t want to lie to you, I just wanted to wait with that.”

 

“And how long?”

 

“Until now, actually. I’ve come to give you this.” – He said, handing the boy the book. It was large and very heavy; looking at it, Spencer could immediately tell it was indeed a photo album, apparently made by the entire team for him, if the ‘For out little brother and son with love. Get better soon, Spence!’ script on the cover was anything to go by. The genius suddenly felt his throat close up and tears threatening to fall. He also blushed, thinking about his earlier outburst and shame enveloped him at once.

 

“Hotch, I’m sorry… I don’t know why I’m behaving like that… It was uncalled for…”

 

“It’s okay, Reid. It is expected of you to be a bit emotional right now. We understand. Now, this if from all of us to you. It contains every important happening over the years; good and bad. No secrets anymore. It’s filled with photos and letters to you, diary entries and other memories. We started making it two months after your accident. This book was always on top of your desk and everyone could write or put anything into it anytime. It just grew and grew… I know it is probably very difficult for you to even hold it right now but I thought it would be perhaps a good exercise for your hands and arms.”

 

“Thank you. All of you.” – Spencer managed to say after a while. – “You can’t know how much this means…”

 

Hotch turned the boy’s face towards him so that they were looking each other straight into the eyes.

 

“Listen, Spencer. I know it must be very hard for you now. What you have to understand is that it hasn’t been easy for us either.”

 

“I know that. I’m sorry again---”

 

“That’s not why I’m saying this.” – He let go of the youth’s cheeks but kept his hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it. – “You don’t have to be sorry. It’s just that you’ll find things in here… Things you may not understand. Some of our behaviors or feelings. You might feel like we’re not the family you knew anymore. Who knows, maybe we really aren’t…”

 

“That’s what Emily said…” – Admitted Spencer with a resigned sigh.

 

“I thought she might be feeling that way, though she never really explained why she quit. But you have to know we would never let you down. Ever. This one thing is for sure.”

 

“Thank you, Hotch.”


	16. Long Road Ahead

The two weeks the team had gotten had flown by very fast, and soon, it was time to say goodbye to their resident genius and return to Quantico to continue their everyday work. Serial killers didn’t stop just because they wanted them to, after all.  

 

Elle already had had to leave the day before as well, claiming to have a new client who was sure she was being stalked by her ex-husband and had pleaded for help over phone for a good ten minutes before the private detective had finally relented and promised her to come right away.

 

“I swear, some people confuse me with a bodyguard!” – She had complained to Reid upon apologetically explaining the situation to him, but the boy had been able to see how excited she actually was about the new task.

 

“It’s okay Elle: when duty is calling, you need to go. I understand.” – He had told her. And really: he did understand. He couldn’t and didn’t expect everyone to give up their jobs and lives to spend each waking moment with him.

 

Besides, he didn’t want to make a public spectacular out of his struggling…

 

So, soon, it was just Gideon and Spencer again, with the promise from the others to always keep in touch and that they’d visit regularly. As a matter of fact, they had told him with a wink that he should expect a new visitor within a couple of weeks or so. They hadn’t been able to be convinced to tell him who this mysterious person was though, and no amount of bribing, pleading, threatening or outright shouting had helped.

 

“I think I have a right to know whom to expect!” – He had whined in a decidedly childish manner but the others had just laughed and tousled his hair mercilessly. JJ and Garcia had even given him a kiss on each cheek, making him blush adorably.

 

Well that was outrageous behavior!

 

“They treat me like a child.” – He said the next day out of the blue, while he was trying and failing to open the book he had been given. He was getting increasingly frustrated with his lack of ability to use his limbs.

 

Gideon chuckled from his spot by the bed, where he was quietly reading the morning newspaper – and secretly observing his protégé’s attempts.

 

“Then quit behaving like one, son, and they might stop.” – He said gently, smiling so that the boy would know he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

 

Reid just grumbled something under his breath and continued to wrestle with the album. He even stuck out his tongue in concentration at one point.

 

“Grrrr. I don’t get it. why I can’t I do this!? It’s such a simple movement!”

 

“Would you like me to help you with it?”

 

“NO!”

 

“Okay.” – The older man watched for another few minutes as the youth tried and failed each time to open the lid. – “You know, Doctor Goodwill and Doctor Kaufmann both said, you need to give yourself time and not get frustrated whenever something doesn’t work out right away.” – He reminded.

 

“It’s not ‘right away’ though. I’ve been trying for eleven minutes and three seconds. Four by now. Five---”

 

“I think they meant a bit more time, Kiddo.”

 

“How much more?”

 

“Give it a few more days, all right?”

 

“Days!? Gideon, you can’t mean that! The missed years are concealed in here! I have a right to see it!”

 

“Should I help?” – The ex-profiler asked again with a sigh, already knowing the answer.

 

“No.”

 

“Okay….”

 

So, the struggling continued.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The next day Gideon just about had had enough.

 

“You know what, son?” – He said, taking the book and placing it onto the nightstand, just out of reach of the young man. Ignoring all protests, he quickly continued. – “See what I brought for you?” – He placed three piles of newspapers onto the bed next to Spencer. – “These papers contain the most important political and economical happenings of the last three years. These will be easier to open with your shaking hands, and I also thought that maybe you should see the happenings of the world first. You know, so that you’ll be able to put your friend’s problems into context when you’ll read them…”

 

The genius gave him a long, calculating look before shrugging.

 

“That’s a good idea.”

 

As he reached for the January 2006 edition of New York Times, Gideon gave a relieved sigh and sat back into his chair to read his own paper in relative peace for a while.

 

The ‘while’ took exactly two minutes and twenty-two seconds with the speed the boy was reading.

 

“They found a whale in the Thames, did you know that, Gideon!? It’s incredible, isn’t it? And how dare they decide Pluto is only a dwarf planet!? I see they executed Hussein… Oh, and Italy won the 2006 World Cup in Germany. Poor England… Google purchased YouTube!? That’s some big change, I guess. Ooooo, there was a major terrorist plot to destroy an aircraft traveling from the United Kingdom to the United States. Luckily Scotland Yard caught it just in time! They banned all toiletries from board after that though… And---”

 

“Kiddo, have you already read everything?”

 

“Everything there is on 2006, yes.”

 

“Then there’s still 2007 and 2008 for you to catch up on…” – Nudged Gideon gently, pointing to the other piles of papers.

 

“You’re right… okay.” – He selected January 2007 and read in silent for three whole minutes this time, before exclaiming loudly, causing the older man to nearly drop his paper in fright. – “Oh, God! Did you hear!? A student on Virginia Tech Campus went on a killing spree and killed 30 people!”

 

“Yes, son, I know. The team was called to the scene… Morgan and JJ were scheduled to come and visit you when it happened but they had to delay their plans because of this horrible thing.”

 

But Spencer’s mind had already wandered to the next topic.

 

“Gordon Brown became the British Prime Minister… Oh! There was another terrorist attack, this time on the Glasgow Airport. The culprits were working as doctors in the British Health Service! Can you believe this!? And they launched NASA’s Phoenix spaceship…”

 

“There’s still 2008, kiddo…” – Reminded him Gideon tiredly, trying to concentrate on his own reading.

 

“All right. So. As of from January this year, same-sex couples may marry in New Hampshire. Sorry, it’s a ‘civil union’, whatever it means. Malta and Cyprus officially adopted the Euro as their currency. Barack Obama won the presidency earlier this very month! I forgot it was the time for voting! How can I forget something like that!? HOW!?” – He panicked.

 

“Son, you just came out of a coma… I don’t think it’s expected of you to be up to date with politics just yet.”

 

“But, still. I can’t believe it. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” – The boy shook his head sadly. – “Gideon… Do you think I’ll be out of here by Christmas?”

 

“Khm…” – Actually. No. The ex-profiler didn’t need to be a doctor to know that the boy would definitely not be out by next month. Quite honestly, it would be a miracle if he’d be home by Easter next year… - “We could ask Doctor Kaufmann if you can visit my place over Christmas. What do you say?”

 

“That would be great! I haven’t even seen where you live now!” – The young man was considerably happier having that promise and Gideon hoped to God he wouldn’t be disappointed when they’d present their plan to the worrying doctor. – “Gideon…?”

 

“Yes, kiddo?”

 

“Are you still reading today’s paper…?” – Asked the boy hesitantly, pointing at his mentor’s lap where the abandoned newspaper lay, completely forgotten.

 

“Ahm... Would you like to have it, son?”

 

“Only if you’re done with it.”

 

He wasn’t done, of course. The boy hadn’t let him read an entire site with his constant exclaims and questions. Not everyone read 20,000 words a minute, after all…

 

“Of course. Here, please.”

 

“Thanks!”

 

Spencer devoured the news like others do with chocolate and Gideon chuckled to himself: apparently, some things hadn’t changed.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Spencer surely knew how to throw a big tantrum about going outside, especially considering that, only a few days ago, he had adamantly declared his wish to go home to Gideon for the coming holidays and had even convinced his doctors to give him permission – probably against their better judgement.

 

“Son, what’s wrong? Doctor Goodwill and Kaufmann both agree you are ready to go out into the garden for a while.”

 

“I don’t want to sit in that wheelchair!” – For good measure, the pouting genius even crossed his arms over his chest, displaying his newfound control over moving them. Any other time, the older man would have been extremely happy and proud. Now though…

 

“You know you can’t walk yet!” – He explained exasperatedly. – “How else could we get out of here?”

 

“Then I don’t want to get out!”

 

“No, Spencer, that’s not an option. You haven’t been out of that room for over three years. You need fresh air.”

 

“I like my Star Trek design. I like this room. I don’t need to get out!”

 

Gideon sighed.

 

“I’m sure Garcia will be glad to hear that you like it. It was her idea after all. But you still have to go out, whether you like it or not, young man.”

 

“Pff.”

 

“Spencer, the garden is beautiful. There are flowers…”

 

“It’s the end of November.”

 

“Yes. And this is Texas.”

 

“Oh. I forgot. It seems I forget lots of things nowadays.”

 

“That’s because you haven’t seen it yet. How would your eidetic memory help you without actually _seeing_ it first? Come on, son. Let’s go!” – Then, without waiting for a reply, Gideon grabbed the vehemently (yet still weakly) protesting boy, heaved him up and sat him comfortably into the dreaded wheelchair; noting during the process that he was frighteningly light, skinnier than ever. Something had to be done about it. Soon. – “See, it wasn’t that bad, was it?”

 

“I know I’m going to hate the garden!”

 

“We’ll see.” – The man said, draping a warm blanket over the young man and handing him a hat and scarf. – “Karl… sorry, Doctor Kaufmann warned we need to dress you properly, because you’re not used to outdoor temperature.”

 

Gideon wheeled the boy to the elevator. As soon as they were downstairs, he headed towards the doors leading into the well-kept garden.

 

“I don’t even understand why they bother with a garden at all. Don’t they usually only deal with unconscious patients? Surely the sight of flowers won’t help _them_.”

 

“I guess the building came with grounds, kiddo. And they probably didn’t want to have a wasteland around them…”

 

“I don’t th--- Oh! Look, Gideon!” – The genius exclaimed, excitedly bouncing in his chair. – “What’s that?” – He asked, pointing at the bright red-colored flowers next to them.

 

Gideon smiled. He’d had a feeling the boy would like seeing the nature after such a long time cooped up inside.

 

“I think this is called a Hummingbird bush. And the orange one is Butterfly weed.”

 

“And that yellow flower with the red in the middle?”

 

“I don’t know, sorry. I’m no expert… Maybe we could look them all up online when we go inside again? You’ll like the speed of the internet; it’s really improved.”

 

“Okay. But we can stay a bit longer out here, right?”

 

“Yes, of course, son. As long as you want.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Spencer and Gideon had spent nearly two hours in the garden, mentally cataloguing all the flowers they wanted to learn more about. After that, the tired genius had needed to take a nap (he was still very weak and fragile after his coma), and it had given Gideon time to relax as well. He loved taking care of his surrogate son but there was no denying that it was taking its toll on him. He had to admit: he wasn’t getting any younger and between teaching and caring for the still very weak and sick young man, he was sometimes deadly tired by the evening…

 

Now they were bent over a borrowed laptop, searching Texas’ native flowers and trying to guess which ones they had seen earlier.

 

“That’s it!” – Concluded Reid. – “Golden tickseed. Definitely.”

 

“You’re right. And I think I found the Winterberry. It’s confusing though… Everything seems to have at least three or four names. Is it normal?”

 

“Yes, it is. Their official names are the Latin ones. The others are the ‘common names’. And there are lots, because people just christen them with whatever comes to mind; different regions give different names. We should actually look up the official names, like here: Vernonia lindheimeri.”

 

“Bless you, kiddo.”

 

Spencer laughed.

 

“That’s the Woolly ironweed, Gideon!”

 

“That doesn’t tell me much more.” – The man admitted. – “But they’re surely beautiful.”

 

“Yes, they are. And you were right: this internet is spectacularly fast.”

 

“Oh, and I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the equipment Garcia has in Quantico. She always complains about the speed here.”

 

“She does that.” – After a moment, the boy continued a bit fearfully. – “Gideon… Do you think I’ll ever get to go back and work with them again?”

 

The mentor sighed and pulled his protégé into a tight hug.

 

“If that’s what you want, then I’m sure you have a chance. It will take some time, and much work, but you will get there, all right?”

 

“But what do you mean by ‘if that’s what I want’? Of course, that’s what I want! What else would I do? Being a profiler is my life.”

 

“Okay, okay. I just meant that you may find something else until then… But if you don’t, you can go back. I’m sure.”

 

“What would I find? Why would I find anything? Gideon? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

 

“No, son. You’re misunderstanding me.”

 

“I’m not sure… Why did you say it like that?”

 

The older man felt trapped. He hadn’t meant to say it yet for fear the boy would react… well. Like he had reacted. How did you tell someone that things had changed while he wasn’t around, and that he might not find the same familiar atmosphere there anymore?

 

“Listen, son. It’s just that I’d be happy if you stayed with me and chose to do something less dangerous. You could be and do anything you want! Anything at all.”

 

Spencer puller away with disbelief in his eyes.

 

“What? Gideon! You were the one who brought me to the BAU! To the FBI! This whole thing was your idea in the first place!”

 

“I know, I know!” – Soothed the ex-profiler. – “But you know why I left. I realized what this job is doing to people… I don’t want you to suffer like that, that’s all. But I won’t keep you from going back if you want. I’m just offering you another option, that’s all.”

 

The genius narrowed his eyes.

 

“And that would be?”

 

“Well, you know I live and teach here. You could get a teaching position at the university any time. Or a researcher, if you don’t want to teach.” – He quickly added, seeing the expression crossing the boy’s face. – “Anything, really. Who wouldn’t be happy to have you working for them? And you could live with me; my apartment is big enough. I live alone and I rarely get visitors. Stephen comes with his family once or twice a year but that’s all. We’re talking but, sadly, we’re not particularly close.” – He shook his head to make him forget this painful fact. – “But you don’t have to decide this now. You have a lot of time, son.”

 

“But big part of my family is still in Quantico…”

 

“Son, I think it’s time you started to read through that book. It’s time you caught up with them.” – Gideon said, still somewhat sadly, handing the album back to the incredulous young man. – “I don’t know what’s in there.” – He clarified quickly. – “But I know it’s honest and straightforward. If you’ll still feel like your family is there, nobody is going to stop you from working towards your goal and getting back eventually. And you need to know: I won’t abandon you if you go back. It’s not a choice between us.”

 

“Do you think I won’t like what’s in that book?” – Spencer’s voice was small as a frightened child’s.

 

“I don’t know son. I really don’t.”

 

“Will you… stay here while I read it?”

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, son.”


	17. Messages from the Past

“Just remember, Spencer: this book most probably contains three years’ worth of your family’s worst memories and darkest thoughts. This is not something you want to speed read at one sitting. All right?”

 

The boy nodded in understanding, then finally, though with great difficulty, he managed to pry the heavy lid that separated him from his family’s messages open. Right inside the front page, there was a warning with a neat handwriting:

 

_Spencer Reid aka Boy Genius’ property!_

_Everyone is welcome to share their thoughts, pictures or anything else with our Baby Wonder at any time of the day. The book is open and available for everyone. BUT! If there’s a closed envelope or even just a folded paper in it then it’s safe to assume the contents are only meant for our Sweet Cheeks and nobody else, so: HANDS OFF! I mean it: I can handle a gun if it’s needed._

Spencer had to smile at that. Trust the team to set up rules even for writing into a diary. He loved them so much!

 

There was a paper – folded into two – attached to the next page. He gingerly opened it and began to read very slowly. Well, slowly for himself, still fast for anyone else, that is.

 

_Hi, Spence! It’s me, JJ… Oh, I don’t really know how to do this. The diary was Garcia’s idea – as you can surely tell by the introduction – and it is great, it’s just… Well, I’m not used to this. And hopefully I won’t have time to get used to it either because you’ll be with us soon again, right? I also hope everyone will keep to the rules because I don’t want them to read this…_

_Anyway, we’ve been back from Texas for over two weeks now and we’re missing you horribly. Morgan won’t even really talk to anyone anymore. Not even to Garcia, can you imagine it? I’ve never realized how much I depended on them bickering back and forth to feel ‘normal’._

_Hotch and Rossi mostly keep to themselves. At least they talk to each other, I guess. Now you can really feel the difference between the unit chief/senior profiler and us, ‘others’. It was never like that before; they never used to make us feel inferior in rank, even if we knew that, officially, we are. I don’t think that’s their intention now either but… it sure feels that way._

_Garcia… She didn’t only lose you, she also lost Morgan, and it seems now she’ll never be her happy, overexcited and bubbly self again. She doesn’t even wear ridiculous hairstyles anymore and dresses very formally. It’s so unlike her, I sometimes have to remind myself it’s still Penelope, somewhere deep down, and not an alien having secretly overtaken her body._

_Emily is the most normal, though I know she’s hurting as well. But at least we can talk and she’s still here for me, while the others have all disappeared._

_Oh, Spence, you need to come back soon and make things right again! Please!_

The next short message wasn’t hidden, it had just been written on the next page by clearly shaking hands.

 

_Kid, we miss you. Nothing is the same without you. Just get well and come back soon, all right?_

_Morgan_

After that there was an elegant script, clearly belonging to Rossi.

 

_Hey, Kiddo. Everything is fine here. We miss you, of course, but we’re taking care of each other, so you just worry about yourself and getting better, okay? Your mother is all right – well, the same as she was, but you don’t have to worry about money matters, and your apartment is payed for as well. Your place is safe and secure here; we’re expecting you back. Now, you just need to wake up and everything will be wonderful again._

 

The young man had to wipe tears from his eyes at these heartfelt messages. Had it really been that hard on his team? He had never meant to cause so much trouble to anyone! Of course, dear old Rossi would try to reassure him and not tell him how they had all been suffering, but the others hadn’t quite managed to keep it from him that well.

 

“What is it, son? Bad news?” – Asked Gideon worriedly, studying his distraught protégé’s face.

 

“No, it’s just… Really hitting me right now, I guess. It’s okay.”

 

_Hello, Wonder Boy. (I stole this one from Garcia) How are you there in Texas? I’m sure the weather is much better there than here. We’re freezing! I wish I could be by you… JJ is absent more than not now, whenever we’re not working. We don’t really go out for drinks or the movies anymore. No late-night girly discussions or reading the women’s magazines together. You wouldn’t know about it, of course, but we used to do this a lot. I guess – but if you tell her I wrote that, I’ll deny everything! – she has a boyfriend. I’m happy for her, really, I am! But… I feel a bit alone._

_Garcia is withdrawn; I’ve never seen her like that before. Morgan… no comment. He isn’t himself at all. Rossi and Hotch are closed off and in their own world, so… where does that leave me? You would be here for me, I know. But you’re not, because you can’t. I don’t know… I think… but it’s a topic for another time._

_Get well, little brother!_

_Emily_

The next entry didn’t lift Spencer’s spirits either.

 

_Reid… ahm… Spencer. Hello. It’s Hotch here. Oh, Reid, we miss you! Ever since you’ve been gone, things have been so… empty? Yes, I guess, this is the word. I always knew you were the heart of our group, because I would have been deaf and blind not to notice the change you caused when you first joined… Especially in Morgan. But I never realized just how much you brought out the best of us all!_

_Morgan… Oh… He’s even worse now than he was before you. Before, he used to be professional, strict and privately unapproachable. Now though… He’s bitter, angry and grieving. He challenges every one of my decisions and it appears to me as if he’s purposely looking for arguments. On the last case he nearly got himself killed trying to disarm a bomb because he wouldn’t listen to me and abandon the building. If the bomb squad hadn’t appeared just in time… I don’t know what would have happened. How would I stand in front of you when you woke if I get your best friend and big brother killed while you’re so sick? You wouldn’t forgive me ever! And you’d be right, especially since I’ve already caused so much grief to you… Your kidnapping was my fault, hell, even you nearly getting killed in that train in the desert was on me, too! Not to mention when I kicked you, for God’s sake! It all my fault, if not for any other reason, then because I’m your unit chief and thus, I’m responsible for your well-being. And the current situation… I can’t even begin to think about it. It helped to make all the decisions because it forced me to think practically and not dwell on what’s going on. Now, back in Quantico, it doesn’t work anymore._

_You’ll be all right, won’t you? We’re waiting for you to come back. Soon, we’re supposed to get a temporary replacement for your position but whoever they will be, we won’t let them forget they can’t and won’t remain for long!_

“This is the written history of my family falling to pieces because of me!” – Declared Spencer with falling tears.

 

“Kiddo, it’s not because of you, and I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

 

“It is! Both! Because of me, and bad, I mean!”

 

“Okay, you know what? It’s enough for now. I told you before, you don’t have to read the whole thing at once.” – Gideon took the album from the boy and put it back to its place on the nightstand. – “Would you like to try walking a bit? Doctor Goodwill said you could practice some with me this afternoon before she’ll come back tomorrow.”

 

“No. Why should I bother? I can’t do it anyway.”

 

“You took two steps this morning.” – Reminded him his mentor. – “It’s a start. Just remember that not so long ago you couldn’t even turn the pages in a book and now you do it better and better. It will be like that with your legs, too. Just give it time.”

 

“But I won’t have anywhere to go back to!” – The boy sobbed, referring to his team not being the same anymore.

 

Gideon sighed.

 

“I already told you that you have endless options, kiddo. Besides, you’re only at the beginning of the book; you don’t even know what things are like now. It might be better… You don’t have to worry yourself about it now. Come on, I’ll help you stand up.”

 

“Gideon…”

 

“Just a few steps, okay?”

 

“Ah… All right…”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The promised ‘mysterious’ visitor appeared on a rainy Wednesday, when they had a cold front passing through the area, bringing an unpleasantly chilly weather in its wake and preventing the small ‘family’ of two from enjoying their by now habitual garden-time for the third day in a row. Gideon had explained to him in advance that this could happen during the hurricane season, but it didn’t mean he felt any better about being confined to the building – again.

 

Right now, Spencer was alone in his room, reading a crime novel and snorting about some ridiculous mistakes in the storyline. The author and the editor had clearly never been part of a real investigation... Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

 

“It’s open.” – He called, wondering who would come at that time. Doctor Goodwill had just left and Gideon was still teaching at the college. Doctor Kaufmann and his researchers usually did their rounds a bit later, so it probably wasn’t them. Besides, they never knocked… it wasn’t because they were rude, it was just that they were used to patients not being able to give consent.

 

The door opened and a brunette in her middle forties poked her head into the room.

 

“Hello? May I come in?” – She asked uncertainly.

 

“Of course…” – Spencer said surprised. – “Professor Blake? How…? I mean… Ahm…” – He knew her, of course he did, but he still couldn’t for the life of him figure out what she would be doing in Houston, and especially: in his hospital room.

 

“Just Alex, please.”

 

“Really? All right Pr—I mean: _Alex_.”

 

“Can I sit down?” – She asked, gesturing towards the chair Gideon usually used. At his nod, she gingerly sat down and nervously began. – “I came to… talk to you. Introduce myself. Though I can see you remember me… From Cal-Tech, I take it?”

 

“Yes, I used to love your lectures. Linguistics wasn’t even my faculty but I was interested, so… I attended as often as I could.”

 

She smiled warmly at that.

 

“That’s incredible. Especially since the students who actually _should_ be there, usually neglect to appear.”

 

“Yes, they tend to do this…”

 

There was a momentarily silence between them while both covertly studied the other. Reid had no idea what to say at all, and ‘Alex’ didn’t seem to know how to say what she had come to tell him. Finally, she braced herself and began:

 

“I know you must be wondering what I’m doing here.” – At his embarrassed nod, she smiled. – “It’s okay, I asked everyone not to tell you before I could come personally. I take it you haven’t read much of your album, have you?”

 

Spencer was wide-eyed. How did his ex-professor even know about his book?

 

“Ahm… No, just the beginning…”

 

“I thought so, otherwise, you’d have expected me.”

 

“I really don’t understand…”

 

“Reid… Spencer… Is it all right if I call you Spencer? I know most of the BAU does… Well… I’m your new teammate.”

 

“Huh?” – Had he heard right?

 

“Actually, I’m not that ‘new’. I’ve been on the team for two years now. But we haven’t met yet; not as colleagues, I mean.”

 

“Oh! That’s great then. I guess you joined after Emily left?”

 

“Prentiss? She was there before me, yes. But she didn’t have to leave because of me, I promise! I know you are good friends and that you probably have bitter feelings about me taking her place…”

 

“Not at all. I know why she left; she told me all about it. I don’t blame you. And I always admired you, I’m sure, you’re a great asset to the team.”

 

Alex looked relieved.

 

“Thank you, you wouldn’t believe how much it means to me that you say that. I was expecting some resentment… All the new members have to deal with the fact that they can’t get to know one of the colleagues for a while.”

 

“Ahm… How many new members are there?” – He wanted to know.

 

“The only one you haven’t met yet is Cate. The others are gone now. There have been a few… They’re always only temporary members. Everyone is expecting you back.”

 

Reid felt a warm and fuzzy wave spread through him in happiness: he really had a place on the team after all!

 

They spent at least three hours talking with Alex and when she left, she promised to visit and phone him regularly in the future.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The carefree happiness didn’t last very long though. As soon as he had started to read his album (for the first time ever without Gideon sitting next to him for support), the uneasiness returned tenfold.

 

_Spence! I’m pregnant! You’re the first one I tell this (aside from the father, of course. His name is Will and you already met him once. He remembers you and I just know you couldn’t have forgotten him. You’ll get on great with each other, I’m sure!), because you’ll be GODFATHER! I’m so happy right now!_

_Sweet  Cheeks, Garcia here. I hope you’re getting better soon. JJ will have a baby and they want you for godfather. And guess what? I’ll be godmother! Isn’t that great! We’ll be second parents to the baby! I can’t wait to share this joy with you!_

 

_Reid, it’s Hotch again. We had to move your album to my office because we found that in the bullpen it’s not as safe as we had thought it to be. Nothing serious, just some overly curious agents thinking they have the right to poke their noses into others’ business where they have no place to be._

_Also, our new temporary agent, Ashley Seaver… Well, she just doesn’t respect that there are things that don’t concern her. She is the only one on the team who couldn’t keep to the ‘never open private messages’ rule. We found her leafing through the book and peeking into all the envelopes and folded papers in it. Morgan lost it and shouted so loud that the director came down to see what was going on. Seaver cried and Garcia cried as well, though the two did it for entirely different reasons. We were all very angry and only Dave felt the need to comfort her, we were too preoccupied with Penelope._

_Will you come back, please, so that I can get rid of her finally? She’s not even a real member, you know. She’s the first ever trainee we have; she’s only 26, far too young to be doing this job. Don’t take it personally; you know you’re an exception._

_Don’t worry about not getting any more letters though, they just have to ask for the book and I give it to them without question. Nobody will stop writing to you._

_Kid, hey. Well… I don’t have good news to tell: Emily left. She works now in London. She claimed that the atmosphere wasn’t the same here anymore. Well, of course it isn’t the same without you; how could it be? But she promised to keep sending you letters and we’ll put them into the album for you to read later, all right? JJ left as well, but she’ll come back when Henry – her newborn little boy, your godson – will be a bit older. So, we’re stuck with that annoying new girl, Seaver, and the newest agent, Alex Blake. She, at least, seems decent. And we’re still one man down now…_

There was an envelope clipped to one page, that contained pictures of Henry, JJ and Will, all smiling and of each the team members holding the baby, radiating happiness. It was heartwarming to see.

 

_Kiddo, how are you? We’re all good. There has been some tension, of course, as I’m sure others are writing to you about, but you can rest assured: we’ll deal with it. You just heal, okay?_

_And our trainee member, Ashley… I’m sure you’ve read about her… She’s indeed a bit odd, but I’m sure it’s just because she wants to prove herself and she’s going all wrong about it. I’m trying to help her find her place and I hope, once she is a bit more confident in her abilities and doesn’t feel threatened, she won’t go on everyone’s nerves anymore. At least, not so much… I’ll tell you how it’s going when I can see some results._

 

The new cell phone the team had given him started to ring and he noted the number on the display with surprise.

 

  * Emily? Why are you calling at this time? Isn’t it in the middle of the night in London? – He asked, glancing at the clock on his nightstand and quickly calculating the time difference.



 

  * _It is, half past eleven, to be exact. But I heard this is the best time for you to talk._



 

  * Thanks. How are you?



 

  * _I’m fine… Lots of work; you know how it is. And you?_



 

  * The weather is abominable here. This is the fourth rainy day in a row!



 

  * _Fourth? Of, poor boy! You know, here I’d be glad if we got four days without…_



 

  * Well, we chose Hawaii for a reason back then, I guess. There, it usually only rains overnight, or just for a few minutes during the day.



 

  * _It’s not so bad here either, you know. I bet the average number of umbrellas per person is the same in both places._



 

  * Yeah, but on Hawaii, it’s small, colorful paper cocktail umbrellas…



 

  * _The ones here can be cute too. Some of them have small babies dressed as the Queen’s Guards on them… You know with the red coat and funny hat? They’re sold to tourists and they actually walk around with them!_



 

  * Did you know that in Florida, they don’t sell umbrellas on the street to unsuspecting visitors but ponchos? Can you imagine me wearing one?



 

  * _Reid, since the comic con we went to together, I can imagine you wearing just about_ anything _!_



 

  * What!? My costume wasn’t all that bad, Emily!



 

  * _I beg to differ. You were dressed as Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory._



  * I was not! I was the Fourth Doctor from Doctor Who! And for your information: my clothes were brilliant! I should remember, it was only half a year ago for me. – There was a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line. Otherwise silence. - Shit. Sorry, Emily…



  * _It’s fine, don’t worry about it. By the way: there are great conventions in London! So, when can I expect you?_



 

  * Em, my greatest accomplishment this far has been staggering three steps from my bed to the window without falling flat on my face…



 

  * _Seeing that not so long ago this too seemed completely improbable, excuse me if I’m not as disheartened by this news as you apparently are._



 

  * It’s just so frustrating…



 

  * _I know, Reid, I know. Listen… I hate to have to tell you this, but it just became obvious that I won’t get enough vacation time to visit you over the holidays…_



  * It’s okay, I understand. You were just here; I know how this works.



  * _I’m so sorry though… I’ll make it up to you, I swear!_



  * Hey, really, it’s fine. The others can’t come either, because of the same reason.



  * _Oh, God… It’s horrible! I don’t even know---_



  * But I’ve managed to talk Doctor Kaufmann into letting me visit Gideon for Christmas. Just imagine, I’ll finally leave this place and go out! Not only out into the garden but OUT! With capitals! I can’t wait!



  * _I’m so happy for you, Reid, it must mean you’re getting better! Keep it up and you’ll visit me for Easter._ – Reid groaned at that.



  * Emily, can you really imagine me saying things like ‘trousers’, ‘trainers’ or ‘waistcoat’?



  * _I can’t imagine you talking about clothes that much in any situation, to tell you the truth…_



  * All right then, what about ‘peckish’?



  * _I don’t even know what that means…_



  * Exactly my point!



  * _Reid, you just come and visit me, all right? I’ll show you around, we’ll have a great time in Madame Tussauds, we’ll see a West End show and take a river cruise. That’s all I ask for, you don’t have to run for post of prime minister here._



  * Okay, okay. We’ll see. Oh, you know what? I met your successor, Alex Blake.



 

  * _I hope you were nice to her? It’s in no way her fault I left!_



 

  * I know that, Em! Besides, when am I ever not nice? – At the other end of the line, his friend cleared her throat pointedly. – All right, all right. But I was nice to her, I swear. Actually, it turned out I know her: she used to give lectures at Cal-Tech when I was studying there.



 

  * _So, that means you’ll be able to work with her without problems. That’s good._



 

  * I guess…



 

  * _What’s that insecure tone? You’re not sure you can work with her?_



 

  * I’m not sure I can work with any of them… I mean, everything’s changed. And you left for a reason…



 

  * _Oh, Spencer! We’ll talk about it personally, all right? You don’t have to make a decision now._



 

  * Okay, I need to go. Gideon has teamed up with Doctor Kaufmann to insist I eat some dinner… Again… I don’t understand, I ate two days ago!



 

  * _God… They’re very right to make you then! Okay, talk to you later, Reid. Goodbye!_



 

  * Bye, Em.




	18. Children's Hero

_Oh, Spence! Haley is dead! Can you believe it? There was an unsub who threatened Hotch, using his family. We tried everything but he got to Haley before us. We thought they were safe, we really did! But he found them and we couldn’t be there in time! He killed her… Hotch was the first to arrive on scene and he managed to save Jack. He would have been the next. It’s so horrible! I don’t even know if Hotch will remain with us after that… I know I couldn’t if I were him._

_Kid, hey. You wouldn’t believe what’s been happening here… Hotch was attacked and stabbed numerous times. He nearly died. His wife is dead; she was killed._

 

_Sweet Cheeks, hey… Things aren’t so great here with us… Hotch got attacked, Haley got killed and the little Baby Hotchner is traumatized for life. I can’t believe this is happening to us! And you’re still not responding to anything; the doctors didn’t have any good news the last time I asked… WHY!?_

_Hi, Kiddo. How are you? Jason says he’s sure you’ll get better because he can feel you still there, deep down… I’m sure he’s right, he knows you very well after all._

_So, don’t you worry about us, just concentrate on coming back, all right?_

_Rossi_

This time, when Spencer cried, he was hiccupping and sobbing so hard that his surrogate father panicked and eventually called Doctor Kaufmann. The doctor wasn’t very impressed with his patient being upset like that and ordered a nurse to administer some mild sedatives to him, all the while berating the worried Gideon about the importance of rest and peace for the boy in order to get better. He also threatened not to let Spencer leave the hospital for the holidays if it happened again.

 

The ex-profiler had to fight the urge to throw the album out into the nearest trash bin or at least take a peek in it to make sure no more unpleasant surprises were awaiting the poor boy. In the end though he managed to keep himself in check and did none of that, but – as soon as Spencer was asleep thanks to the emotional trauma and the sedatives – he quietly left the room and went to take out his anger on the unsuspecting vending machine.

 

He noted with glee that at the second hard blow, three chocolate bars flew out without him having payed a dollar (he had forgotten his money in Reid’s room). Ignoring the dark looks he was getting from other visitors, he munched on one and pocketed the other two. Chocolate always made him feel better and he hoped it would work on the youth too. He was far too skinny anyway.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

“Son, are you feeling better?”

 

“Yeah… Sorry about before… I don’t know why it hit me so hard; I had known about Haley’s death already.” – Spencer admitted blushing. He hated how he had become a cry-baby like a ten-year-old girl.

 

“It’s understandable, you don’t have to be sorry about it. Maybe it’s too early for that album?”

 

“Nah… It’s fine.” – The young man shrugged. He would never give up on his book just because he was a bit messed up right now.

 

“Okay. Oh, I brought you something.” – Gideon said, handing the boy a KitKat Chunky and a Twix bar.

 

“Wow, thanks! I haven’t even thought of chocolate yet but now I realize: that’s what I’ve been missing!”

 

The smile on the young man’s face made the pain in his wrist worth the effort, thought Gideon fondly. But next time, he’d just take money…

 

As the older man watched the younger contently fumbling with the wrapping of the first bar, he had to smile to himself: Doctor Kaufmann had been trying to get the boy to eat solid food for weeks but Spencer had been very reluctant to try anything. Why hadn’t anyone thought about simply giving him chocolate before?

 

“Would you like me to help you with that?” – He asked amused.

 

“No, thanks. I’ve got it.”

 

Just as he had managed to tear the wrapping open, there was a knock and immediately afterwards, the door flew open, admitting a tiny whirlwind. Both men just gaped as the small creature all but jumped into the bed next to the occupant and hugged him mercilessly.

 

“Uncle Spencer!” – Shouted the adorable little girl.

 

“Maya, what did I tell you? Sorry, about that…” – Apologized the young woman who had also stepped inside, following the child. – “She had been bugging me about visiting for ages and when JJ said you were all right…”

 

“JJ? Do you know her?” – Asked Gideon because Spencer just seemed rendered speechless by the unknown girl’s enthusiasm.

 

“Yes, I’m Adrianne Summers. And this is Maya. She’s---”

 

“Oh!” – Was all the stunned young man could say, recognizing the little one’s name now from one of JJ’s letters he had read in the book.

 

He carefully hugged the girl, trying to come up with something to say. As it turned out, he needn’t have bothered; the tiny child was content to do all the talking herself.

 

“Mommy said you’re my guardian angel! Isn’t that cool? Nobody else in my class has one, just me! I couldn’t wait to meet you but Mommy always said you were too tired and sleeping. I’m so happy you woke up and we could finally meet!” – Spencer shot the adults a panicked look, as if asking for help. He didn’t get anything but a gloating smirk from Gideon and an apologetic smile from the mother. – “Oh, you have chocolate! Are these for me?”

 

“Maya…”

 

“No, it’s okay. Yes, they’re for you. Take them.” – Said the young man, hoping that eating would make her stay quiet at least for a while, until he figured out what to say or do.

 

Naturally, it didn’t happen.

 

“You’re the best ever! No, you’re better than best. You’re _bestest_!” – She declared seriously. – “I’m going to tell Jeremy all about you. He didn’t believe you exist, you know? He’s sooooo mean! Can you believe it?”

 

“Ahm…” – Spencer opened his mouth but didn’t get far with what he had begun to say.

 

“No, me either. And he always pulls my braid and calls me liar when I tell him you’ll come and make him pay!”

 

“Maya, darling, give poor Spencer a break!” – Chided her mother. – “I’m so sorry, she’s just very happy to be here, you know?”

 

“It’s all right, ma’am.” – Laughed the ex-profiler, who seemed to have way too much fun in the situation, at the expense of his protégé. – “Spencer loves children. Don’t you, son?” – He even had the nerve to wink!

 

“Please, call me Adrie, everyone does. And thanks.”

 

“Mommy has a funny name.” – Piped the little girl, having already finished the first chocolate bar and smeared half of the next one into Spencer’s blanket and pillow. – “I like my name better. And yours. Spencer is a nice name. What’s your name, sir?” – She asked, turning to Gideon.

 

“It’s Jason.”

 

“Hmm… I have a Jason in school. He’s a bit better than Jeremy, so I think it’s an all right name.”

 

“Thank you, that’s reassuring to know.”

 

The shy mother and chirpy little girl stayed for an hour, during which time she consumed one more chocolate bar (“Jason, can I get more? Please, please, _please_?”) and had become so hyper that at one point, she had started to jump on the bed, frightening the poor genius to death. (“You could fall!” – “I won--- aaa---” – Spencer had grabbed her just in time and thus, he had become the savior yet again.) In the end, she had drawn a picture about the two of them (Reid portrayed as an angel with big wings and a halo, sitting on her shoulder, protecting her from everything), and taped it on top of a Star Trek poster, claiming: “It looks much better than that scary man with the funny ear!”.

 

By saying goodbye, she kissed him on the cheek and promised to be back soon. When they left, Reid turned to his still smirking mentor:

 

“What was that?”

 

“Your biggest fan, I’d day, son.” – Spencer just blinked at that. – “Oh, I brought you more chocolate!”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The next day, Spencer was reading his album (this time he didn’t find it as heartbreaking as before; these entries were more about everyday things like cooking lessons at Rossi’s or cases they had been working on) when the ex-profiler entered the room before closing the door with a bit more force than usually, and dropped into the chair with a tired ‘huff’.

 

“Gideon? What’s wrong?” – Asked the genius surprised, marking the page he’d been about to begin (Emily’s first letter written to him from London) before setting the book down next to himself on the bed. – “Did something happen?”

 

The older man shook his head in denial.

 

“No, no, it’s all right, kiddo.”

 

“Oh, come on! It’s still me: a profiler! I can see that something is bothering you.”

 

“What happened to not profiling each other?”

 

The young man rolled his eyes.

 

“When have we ever kept to that stupid rule?”

 

“Point taken… Well, okay. It’s just that I’m a bit frustrated right now.”

 

“Is it something I can help you with?”

 

“If you just talk to me to reinstate my belief in humankind’s ability to think, it will be fine.”

 

“Oh… Your students then?” – Guessed Spencer, smiling knowingly. – “You do understand that not everyone is cut out to be a profiler, right? Studying psychology doesn’t mean they have to become elite FBI agents.”

 

“Yes, I know that! It’s just that I love giving lectures, answering questions when I see someone’s interested… It’s all fine. But when it’s time for exams and I have to quiz them about the material, I’m lost. I never know what an average student should know…”

 

The boy seemed to be deep in thought for a while.

 

“You know… I always got 100% on every test or presentation.”

 

Gideon chuckled at that admission.

 

“I’m not surprised about that, son.”

 

“Well, I am.” – At his mentor’s confused expression, he explained. – “I might be a genius but I’m not perfect and I’m certainly not equally adept at everything. Nobody is. So, how come I always gave a flawless performance?”

 

“Because you’re smart.”

 

“No. Because I have an eidetic memory and I can remember everything I’ve ever read and most of what I’ve heard. Meaning, when a teacher just wants to hear back everything they taught, I can give it to them with ease.” – He corrected. – “And for most teachers, that’s enough. My mom always read to me when I was a child and I have been reading books myself since I was about two; there’s not much I missed. Even now, I’m starting to catch up with three years’ worth of literature… I can learn poems just by reading or hearing them once or when they tell me about the biography of poets and authors, I’ll remember every detail forever. The class was preparing for the test on Shakespeare in high school for two months! It took me an hour, at most.” – He took a breath. – “But could I write a poem? No, I couldn’t. Did I ever have to write one? No. And if I had been given that task, would I have scored a 100%? Certainly not. So, what about the student who can’t for the life of him or her remember the rules of using the semicolon but could be the next Keats with just a bit of encouragement? I think, in the current system, they’d fail every test and get convinced not to grab a pen ever. Do you understand what I’m trying to say, Gideon?”

 

“I think I do. I should expect the best of everyone on their own level and let them be creative. But what do I do so that I won’t make the same mistake as those teachers who only want the students to repeat their lectures like a broken radio?”

 

“I don’t think you’d ever make it, to tell you the truth. When you were teaching us at Cal-Tech, you were one of the very few professors actually interested in our active inputs. You presented us a case and prompted us to think with you. When I said I didn’t agree with your findings, you didn’t get mad; you were curious to hear my ideas.”

 

“Well, of course. A fresh opinion can always help a lot. And help, it did.” – The older man smiled, remembering how that scrawny young man had given them the push they had needed to finally make the most important headway in a previously hopeless case.

 

“That’s the correct attitude. And you have it. The only thing you need to be able to really treat your students according to that is to _know_ them. Personally, I mean. You need to be available for them after class to discuss their questions and thoughts. You need to know their strengths and weaknesses and the way they think.” – Gideon fidgeted uncomfortably at these words. – “When was the last time you gave them your time…? Let me guess, about three years and three months ago…?”

 

“I… well… About that, yes.” – He admitted.

 

“Gideon, I honestly appreciate everything you did for me when I was in coma and everything you’ve been doing ever since. But you need a life.”

 

“What!? NO! Kiddo, I need to be with you! What you’re going through---”

 

“I might look and sometimes even act like a child, but I’m not one. I won’t think you’re abandoning me just because you don’t spend every minute of your free time sitting at my bedside, even when I’m asleep.”

 

“But I don’t want you to be alone! I promised the others, myself and you that I would never leave you alone.”

 

“It’s not considered being ‘alone’ if I don’t have a 24-hour guardian. Look, Doctor Goodwill rescheduled my physical therapy: now I’ll have to have a session two times a day; one of them in the afternoon. Apparently, I don’t work hard enough…” – He spat with disdain. – “Anyway, she seems to think I’m ‘spoiled’ a bit by having help with everything I need. I don’t understand her problem, not everyone is a sadist like her… Pff…”

 

“Actually, she might be right about that, you know… I don’t believe you still really need me to help you get into your wheelchair when we’re going out.”

 

“I knew you’d gang up with her against me! But my point is, Gideon: I’m fine. And you’re getting tired, I can see that. You’ve given me three years of your life already. You can have friends and you are allowed to spend time with your colleagues and students. I mean it.”

 

“Thanks, kiddo. I’ll think about it.”

 

“Don’t the professors usually have a get-together around Christmas time here?”

 

“They have. It’s next Monday.” – The ex-profiler admitted. – “But I’m not interested---”

 

“YES! You are. You’ll go and have a good time.” – Spencer said this with as much authority as he could muster, even crossing his arms and looking very strict. Gideon couldn’t help but laugh at that, despite himself.

 

“All right, all right! Understood, boss!” – He joked.

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It was Monday afternoon, 22nd December, and Gideon was away, attending an end of semester party with his fellow professors. Spencer had just finished his second round of physical therapy with Doctor Goodwill, during which he had managed to walk five times to and from the opposite wall in his room. As such, she was much more satisfied with his progress than ever before, claiming that two sessions a day were doing him good and soon he could probably start walking on the corridors and after that even outside in the garden. He wasn’t so sure though… The only thing he knew was the he was _hurting_.

 

But it all didn’t matter because the next day, he would go home with Gideon and stay there until after New Year’s Eve. Ten whole days away from the hospital! Of course, he had been strictly instructed to continue the walking exercises, so it wouldn’t be a proper holiday but… who cared about it right now? He would be OUT!

 

Just as he was starting to let the softness of his newly washed pillows and blankets (it had taken the staff an effort to clean the chocolate from them and they wouldn’t believe it hadn’t been done by him…) lull him to sleep, there was a knock again. Wary after the last time this had happened, he hurriedly checked if he had all his candy hidden before giving the visitor permission to enter.

 

“JJ? Wow! I thought you guys couldn’t come!” – He exclaimed happily as soon as she stepped into the room. They greeted each other with a bear hug and the young media liaison even kissed him on the cheek and ruffled his hair.

 

“Spence, you look fabulous! You’re better!” – It wasn’t a question. – “Oh, and it’s just me, the others couldn’t come. I brought someone to see you though, if you’re up to it?”

 

“And who’s that?”

 

“Will, come in!” – She shouted. – “Spencer, you remember Will, right? And this here…” – She continued as her boyfriend entered, carrying a small child. – “… is your godson, Spence. He’s Henry.”

 

The genius studied the two-year-old child in awe. He was beautiful! Perfect! His little godson!

 

“May I… hold him?” – He asked a bit fearfully, not entirely sure how to approach a toddler.

 

“Of course! Henry, this is Uncle Spence. Would you like to say hi to him?”

 

The boy peered over his father’s shoulder and nodded. Soon, he reached his small arms out, inviting Spencer to take him. He did so, albeit a bit clumsily and with some help from Will, but in the end, he had a soft and warm tiny body nestled in his lap, looking up at him with huge, trusting blue eyes.

 

“Hey, Henry. I’m your godfather.” – He whispered.

 

“Uncla Pence!” – The baby said. – “I Henry.” – The he turned towards his parents, pointing at them. – “Mommy and Daddy. Play with me?”

 

“Yes, of course! What would you like to play?” – Spencer laughed. It was surprisingly easy to interact with his godson!

 

“Cars!” – At that, JJ produced two toy cars from their bag and godfather and godson played for half an hour with the two parents watching them proudly.

 

When it was time for the visitors to leave (Henry needed his bath and then go to sleep soon), JJ declared:

 

“You’re his hero, Spence! He’s never that open with anyone but Penelope and now you. You’re great with him!”

 

“He’s an incredibly child, JJ. Thank you guys for bringing him!”

 

“It’s no problem.” – Said Will smiling. – “We heard you’re going to Gideon tomorrow. We’ll be headed home as well. But we’ll come back whenever we can! It turns out, this small guy loves flying!”

 

When they left, Spencer fell asleep with a smile on his face. He had the best godson ever!


	19. Holiday Season

“Spencer, can you help me?” – Asked Gideon in the morning of 24th December as the young man staggered into the kitchen still drowsily, desperately wishing for nothing more than his usual coffee. He groggily wondered how long his mentor had been sitting there for, for he looked tired and quite on edge.

 

“Yeah? With what?” – He yawned as he poured himself a huge amount from the already brewed, happily steaming deep brown liquid, and started to sweeten it with an incredible amount of sugar.

 

Gideon grimaced in disgust.

 

“Kiddo, you know what Doctor Kaufmann says about your coffee drinking habits…”

 

“Gideon, when it comes to coffee, I couldn’t care less what anyone says! Especially so early in the morning!”

 

The ex-profiler sighed and shook his head exasperatedly at that before answering the original question:

 

“I need to come up with some creative exercises for my class as exam in Criminology. We have only done the Psychology ones before the Holidays.” – He explained. – “And I don’t have an idea! You’re right: I want to prompt them to think for themselves but I also need to check if they payed attention to my lectured and read the literature I’ve given them. Any ideas how I could accomplish all these?”

 

The boy carefully lowered himself onto a chair by the table with his mug held tightly in his hands and noted with delight that moving around was becoming significantly easier as the time went. As soon as he was settled properly, he ‘hmmm’-ed thoughtfully while taking a few sips. He really couldn’t think clearly without the right amount of caffeine in him. After that though…

 

“What if we come up with fictive cases for them to solve!? Nothing too gory, of course, we don’t want them to freak out… It doesn’t even have to be murder cases! What if it’s like Sherlock Holmes’ stories!? You know, when you have to think logically and apply all knowledge you’ve got and come up with theories… Hmmm…” – The boy was visibly very excited about his self-appointed task. – “And it doesn’t matter if they actually solve them or not, what you have to grade is how they approach the cases… How they proceed with them and what they do to solve them! Oh, it’s gonna be so much fun, I wish I were one of the students!”

 

“Kiddo, that sounds brilliant! But do you think you can fabricate puzzles like that? It would be much work…”

 

“I don’t mind! And of course I can! Show me your notes and the books you teach from so that I’ll know what level they should be at, and I’ll come up with the stories and tasks… And… And… You know what, Gideon? We could use real cases as basis for them, and if they read the literature they were assigned, it would also help them connect the dots! That way you’ll know if they studied without actually quizzing them in the old-fashioned boring way! And if someone didn’t study much but is clever enough to come up with theories and solve the cases anyway, then well… it’s fine. I think that merits the best grade, actually.”

 

“I knew I could count on you, son. When would you like to begin?”

 

“Right now!”

 

And they did. Gideon fetched everything he had: books and his notes, while Reid started to scribble his ideas with an even messier handwriting than ever before. (‘I’m used to my mind running faster than my hand can, but this is extreme, Gideon!’ – lamented the boy but then continued anyway, already too engrossed to really care.) They spent hours and hours discussing ideas and trying to make the stories as realistic and believable as possible, all the while keeping them at the level of the students and more importantly: not too frightening and bloody.

Bot men enjoyed that immensely and they barely even noticed the time flying while they worked.

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

The holidays were spent with occasional walks in various Christmas markets (on the second day Spencer had insisted on walking on his own two legs instead of being pushed around in a wheelchair, and he had managed to stay upright for over an hour before collapsing on the nearest bench), visiting the local library and bookstores and sometimes just staying at home with their chessboard and working on the students’ assignments.

 

Each one of the BAU team members and even little Maya had phoned the young man to wish him all the best, and they found Gideon’s mailbox full of postcards and small boxes containing presents every day.

 

Spencer read a bit of his album each evening before going to sleep and found that, by now, it didn’t cause him to become a sobbing mess. Maybe because he knew about all the worst things already or he was just simply getting better and not so overly dramatic anymore… If anything, it felt good to know that his friends and family had found it important to share their thoughts with him despite the fact that they hadn’t been sure he’d ever be able to read them.

 

Entries like the followings always caused him to smile broadly:

 

_Spence! Henry just had his first haircut. Here, I’m including a fringe of his hair for you. Also, he said something like ‘Spppn’ yesterday; I think he wanted to say your name._

_With love, JJ_

And sure enough, a tuft of stunningly soft blond hair war taped to the page with a smiley face drown next to it.

 

_Hi, Kiddo! You know what? Your ‘big brother’ Morgan is totally incapable to even crack an egg properly. I swear I’m going to give up these cooking lessons if he doesn’t improve soon! I would never have thought that somebody really could be that talentless at this…_

 

As if answering Rossi’s small rant, Morgan’s handwriting followed:

 

_Kid, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to work in the kitchen! I swear to you, I’d much rather disarm a bomb on my own than have to set the oven! Brrrr. I wonder how you’d do with this stuff…_

 

There were also letters that still twisted his heart a bit, even if he didn’t start crying anymore. Like Hotch’s honest confession about his current state of mind:

 

_Hello, Reid. How are you? I hope you’re getting better. I’m… well… I think I’m getting better, too. It’s not so easy, you know? With Haley dead and a grieving child… Although I’m not sure Jack understands much of what’s going on; he’s looking for his ‘Mommy’ all the time. What do I tell him? He’s only a little toddler… I’m lucky to have Jessica help me with everything. She’s great, even though I expected her to hate me, just like her parents do… They blame me, you know? And I guess, they must be right. The UnSub was after me in the first place…_

_I’m working again and I’m glad I do. It’s better to be preoccupied with other people’s problems than with mine._

Not to mention the unit chief’s desperate letter, dated over a year later:

_Spencer, I don’t know what to do… Jack called Jessica Mommy yesterday and I just… I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say anything. Should I have? He was just a baby, really, when Haley died and Jessica has been with him ever since more than I have, thanks to our work… On one hand, I can understand he’d be confused, on the other hand, I want him to know who his mother was! What do I do?_

Reading Emily’s letters was always ambivalent: she sounded cheerful enough but they always reminded him of the fact that she was far away and probably not coming back for a while.

 

_Genius Boy! You know what? I was offered a higher position within the Interpol. What do you say to that? I’ve only been here for a little over a year, I never expected a promotion this soon… I love it here and I can’t wait for you to visit so that we can wreak havoc in Europe too. The US isn’t enough for us anymore, is it? Maybe we’ll take the Eurostar to Brussels and Paris too and introduce ourselves to two other unsuspecting countries!? Just wake up, so that we can start planning the trips!_

_Emily_

Garcia’s letters always cracked him up:

_Baby Einstein! You wouldn’t believe it but I got Alex to attend a Star Trek Marathon with me and a couple of geeky friends. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her as uncomfortable as she was in the beginning, but I believe she’s warmed up to the others by the end…_

_Spencer, I would like you to know that you need to come back and take this responsibility upon yourself: I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t survive another day of Star Trek like that ever again!_

_Alex_

So, the holidays were spent in calm and peace and by the end of it, both men were sad when Spencer had to pack his things and leave the room that had become his personal place in Gideon’s stylish apartment and return to his other room at the hospital – just to find himself under Doctor Kaufmann and Doctor Goodwill’s strict and watchful eyes again.  

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It was the start of the new semester at the university when an agitated Jason Gideon strolled into Spencer’s room with deliberation at the end of his very first day back at work after the holidays.

 

“Son, you know what?”

 

The genius looked up from his new crime novel (his favorite genre and there were still three left of the last years he hadn’t yet read) and asked:

 

“What?”

 

“Professor Montgomery broke her leg while skiing in the Alps in December!” – He lamented.

 

The boy didn’t have any idea who Professor Montgomery was though.

 

“Ah… I’m very sorry for her?” – He tried, not really understanding what kind of reaction was expected of him.

 

“That’s very nice of you. But the real trouble is: she’s the other professor teaching Criminology and Psychology with me. It’s just us two for several hundred students…”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Now we need a substitute.”

 

“So…? I’m sure it’s not so difficult to find one.” – Shrugged the boy, causing Gideon to roll his eyes.

 

“Kiddo, it’s _January_!” – He had said it as if the month held a special significance his protégé didn’t have a hope to even begin to grasp. – “Nobody is going to be free to do that now!”

 

“Okay… Well… khm… And so…?”

 

“And so I was thinking of _you_!”

 

Spencer blinked one time. Second time. A few times more.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I. Thought. You. Could. Do. It.” – Gideon said it very slowly as if he were talking to a small, unruly child. Then seeing the disbelieving look on the boy’s face, sighed. – “Look, son. The students just loved to cases you prepared for them. I actually don’t think I’ve ever seen students that excited about taking an exam before. And—"

 

“And I’m a profiler, Gideon. Not a teacher; a _profiler_.” – Spencer reminded him in fear the man was getting senile in his old age or something that had caused him to forget this tiny detail.

 

“--- and you know Karl… sorry: Doctor Kaufmann said the holidays with me had had such a beneficial effect on your progress that it meant you should get out more often.” – Finished the mentor, ignoring the boy’s previous protests altogether.

 

“Gideon! Are you even listening to me!? I’m a PROFILER!” – Repeated the exasperated young man.

 

“Kiddo: I was a profiler and a teacher at the same time for years! Your new teammate, Alex… what’s her name again?”

 

“Alex Blake.”

 

“Yes, her. She still teaches as well as works for the BAU. And Hotch and Morgan frequently help train the new cadets at the Academy. And Dave has his books and presentations. There’s nothing wrong with doing more things at once, and you accepting this position surely doesn’t mean you give up being a profiler!”

 

“But I can’t talk in front of people! Don’t you know me? Don’t you remember…?” – But even he had to admit that it was a very weak argument. Sure, he could be awkward and nervous when thrust into a new situation but as soon as he got used to it, he always became more and more confident. And he liked explaining things, trying to find out what caused difficulty for others and help them understand what he wanted them to know… Oh, and how he had enjoyed coming up with the cases for the students to work on!

 

And Gideon knew that, if the knowing smile on his face was anything to go by.

 

“Kiddo, you always present the profile with the team to the local police and you love it.” – He stated simply.

 

There was no arguing with this logic, so Reid tried something else instead, albeit very half-heartedly:

 

“But what about when I’ll go back to Virginia? I can’t just hop here to give classes whenever needed.”

 

“Son, Professor Montgomery will heal in about 6-7 weeks, according to her. I hate to say it but I have to: you won’t be going back to work that soon…”

 

Another cruel truth Spencer sadly couldn’t contradict.

 

“May I think about it for a while?” – He asked resigned.

 

“Yes. You have until the day after tomorrow; that’s when her first class should be. Psychology, about victimization and what it means to become a victim.” – Gideon said. – “Oh. And I already told the Dean you’d do it so he’s expecting you.”

 

“GIDEON!” – But the older man was already gone, having stepped out to ‘fetch a coffee’.

 

But despite his loud and indignant protests, the young genius was already inadvertently formulating lesson plans in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is coming to an end. I think there’s only one more chapter to go…


	20. Welcome to a New Life

Spencer absolutely loved teaching and his students adored him, telling everyone who would listen how the new ‘teacher’ was the best ever with the most interesting and genial tasks and bringing the most hilarious stories to each and every lesson. He soon found that there were always more and more people present at his lectures; most of whom he was sure didn’t even go to the university, let alone belong officially to his class. He didn’t mind them, of course.

 

When the originally promised seven weeks had gone, he was a bit sad to have to give the job back to its rightful owner. And then, when he was told Professor Montgomery had ‘out of the blue’ decided to take another couple of weeks off, he was ecstatic – and also more than a bit suspicious.

 

“Gideon, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had tossed her down the stairs to keep her away or something!” – He said one day, after his mentor and him had returned to the hospital in the evening, both having finished their lessons for the day at approximately the same time. – “You didn’t, did you…? It’s a bit funny that right when I’m struggling with building up my new life all over again, an opportunity like that should just fall into my lap!”

 

“My boy, don’t you believe in fate?” – Came the cryptic reply. Of course Gideon couldn’t just say yes or no!

 

“Oh, I do. And I also believe in meddling old men’s devious plans!” – Spencer exclaimed. – “I know you’re the best at scheming, don’t even try to deny it!”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You’re not good at it or you’re not trying to deny it?”

 

“Take your pick, kiddo.”

 

“Pfff.”

 

Gideon only smiled broadly at that.

 

Conversations like that had arisen frequently between them since Spencer had started to really heal and become more and more himself again. As a matter of fact, Doctor Kaufmann had taken to jokingly refer to him as their ‘resident guest’, using the hospital as a five-star hotel, seeing that he didn’t really need treatment anymore. Spencer, on the other hand, insisted it was three-star – at most – given that there was only a small shower attached to his room and no swimming pool in the building to speak of.

 

“Oh, swimming is a good idea!” – Laughed Doctor Goodwill when she had overheard the playful argument one day. – “That would definitely do you good.”

 

“I don’t swim.” – Had murmured Spencer under his breath and the topic hadn’t been mentioned again.

 

  **CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

It was March – ten weeks after he had started working at the college and two days after he had reluctantly given the position back to a now completely healed Professor Montgomery – and the young genius stood in his hospital room by the wall, thoughtfully looking at his numerous Star Trek posters Garcia had insisted they put up for him. It had been so long ago even in his mind and even though he had lost three years of that period… It still seemed like another millennium since he had woken up disoriented and barely able to keep his eyes open, let alone do anything else. By now, he had no problem walking around and using his hands normally; the only thing still reminding him of the unfortunate accident of 2005 was the fact that he still got tired quite quickly. Well, that and small Maya’s continuous calls telling her ‘guardian angel’ everything that was going on with her; not that he minded these. If anything good had come out of the whole ordeal, it was getting to know the bubbly little girl with the endless energy and unwavering optimism.

 

With a troubled sigh, he reached up and gently pulled one of the posters from the wall, careful not to damage the wallpaper to which it had been attached with some apparently very durable glue. And he wanted to preserve the picture itself as well; looking at these and being reminded of his friends’ support had helped him through the inarguably most difficult time of his life.

 

“Hey, kiddo!” – Greeted Gideon who had just arrived. – “What are you doing with all these things?” – He asked, motioning towards his bed loaded with clothes and books in genuine confusion. – “Are you organizing a garage sale?”

 

“I’m packing; I’ve been kicked out.” – Muttered the boy as he rolled the poster into a neat tube, keeping it in place with a piece of paper and some tape.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Doctor Kaufmann insists I’m perfectly all right and don’t need to stay here anymore!” – Lamented the youth and proceeded to do the same with another picture; the one that had been partially obscured by Maya’s drawing; which he had, naturally, also put away to keep it safe.

 

“Wow, son! This is fantastic!” – His mentor seemed honestly very happy but Spencer only gave him a blank look. – “Isn’t it?” – Gideon looked a bit unsure now.

 

The genius shrugged.

 

“I finished reading the album this morning. There were pictures in a big envelope on the last page… They seem to be all right and have found their lives. Everything’s changed.”

 

Gideon narrowed his eyes.

 

“What are you saying?”

 

Being done with all the posters, Spencer turned and faced his father figure.

 

“Did you know that Morgan’s left the BAU? He called and told me a few days ago…”

 

“No, I didn’t. I’m sorry, Kiddo.”

 

“It’s okay. I had a feeling he would; he wrote about wishing for a change a few times… I’m happy for him. He’s going to marry Savannah and they’re planning a big family. He’s moved on; they live in New York now. Just like Emily. She’s very happy in London and is pestering me to visit her soon. I’m getting out of excuses now that I can walk properly.”

 

“Why would you need an excuse? You’ve always liked to travel! Wouldn’t you like to see Europe?”

 

“Oh, I would.” – Spencer said, folding his dress shirts and laying them into his go bag that had been left in his room by someone. Probably Hotch or Morgan. – “I just… dunno… I’m afraid that seeing her there, living her new life and being totally comfortable with it would make it more real… Infinite. I don’t think I can do it until I have my own life under control again.”

 

Gideon sighed. He’d had a feeling this would be a problem. The boy was feeling insecure and scared to death.

 

“Kiddo, your life is still the same as it used to be.” – He assured.

 

“No! It’s not! I don’t know where I belong anymore… Emily and Morgan are gone. Just like you and Elle. Hotch has a girlfriend to pay attention to and his son to raise. Everyone says he’s changed; he’s not so driven anymore. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d be the next to look for another, nine-to-five job. Rossi has his books and the cooking for hobbies. He’ll be back in retirement soon, I bet. JJ has her family – my godson! – to think about and that means: a complete change in her character. It’s perfectly fine just not what I know from her. Garcia has started counseling victims in her spare time and she’s also working for other teams now; for example Sam Cooper’s team. She’s made new friends there and, especially since Morgan’s not there anymore, we’re not so exclusive in her life anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that either. It’s just a fact.”

 

“Yes, people grow up, move on, start new things… That’s life, son. But that doesn’t mean you don’t belong with them anymore.”

 

“Doesn’t it? Are you sure? Where am I in all these? I liked Alex as a professor but we’ve never worked together otherwise and I don’t even know that other girl… Cate whatever. I’m sure she’s nice and all but I haven’t met her once. She’s not even on the photos. And I don’t even know who filled Morgan’s place… It’s practically a new team now, Gideon, and I don’t think I have the right to march in and turn it upside down for them. It’s theirs just like the old team used to be ours.”

 

“They’re expecting you back, aren’t they?” – Tried the older man but he didn’t seem so sure of himself to tell the truth. Three and a half years was a long time to keep a position for someone after all… Would they really send that girl away to make place for Spencer? Probably yes. But would the boy want it done like that? Probably not.

 

“You know how in the beginning they always pleaded with me to return in their letters?” – Gideon nodded. – “Well, they’d stopped around 8 months before I woke up.” – He declared with unshed tears in his eyes, fumbling with some sock he couldn’t quite manage to roll up properly only this time, it wasn’t because uncooperative and numb fingers, but because of his tears obscuring his view.

 

The ex-profiler slowly sat down onto the bed next to his protégé.

 

“Son, look at me. Put those down for now, please. Thank you. Listen: you can choose to do whatever you want, the only important thing to remember is that you’re loved no matter where you live or what you do. Do you understand that? Do you?” – The youngster nodded his head slightly and not very convincingly. – “You must never forget that, kiddo. Emily loves you even if she’s in London and with Morgan in New York, he’s still your ‘big brother’. Just like JJ hasn’t forgotten you even though she has Will and Henry now. And Garcia will always think of you as her ‘Baby Genius’, even when you’ll be as old as I am. Elle didn’t stop caring about you just because she left, did she? What about me and Dave? We’re best friends but if there were a competition about who gets to be your dad, we’d kill each other in a heartbeat, I’m afraid.” -The boy chuckled at the mental imagine of the two ‘fathers’ wrestling for the right to call him ‘son’. – “Yes, I know, it’s a funny thought. But true nonetheless. And Aaron? I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to him. I’m not sure you know how much that man cares about you and that never lessened with his son’s birth or with you in coma… Never! Do you think a choice of job could change it then?”

 

“I guess not…”

 

“You can bet that not. Kiddo, I’m sorry to say but you couldn’t get rid of us even if you wanted to!”

 

“It would be easier if I still had my teaching position…”

 

“Well, who knows… There are lots of stairs…”

 

“GIDEON! Oh, God, you’re an UnSub in the making! I bet all the serial killers began like that!” – He laughed but then sobered quickly. – “So, what do I do? Where do I go from here?”

 

Gideon sighed.

 

“This is something I can’t answer for you. The only thing I can say is that your room will always be there for you in my apartment. And when it will be time; hopefully not soon but someday; the whole apartment will be yours. So that’s your home, even if you’ll reside somewhere else.”

 

The genius’ eyes widened in shock.

 

“Gideon! But… I don’t understand… You have a son. Surely, Stephen should… Ahm… You know… Get the apartment.”

 

“You’ll inherit it, I’ve already decided it. Stephen already got an apartment from me when he went to college, and years later when he sold it to move into his current big family house, I gave him the money he needed to add to the amount he’d gotten. So, he and his family have a home now and they don’t need another one in Houston. He knows that and he’ll be fine with it. Besides, when a father has two children, he has to make sure they get equal support.”

 

After a long pause, the boy got out tearfully:

 

“I don’t even know what to say. I love you, Gideon.”

 

“I love you too.” – Then after a beat he added with a light smile: - “But I still can’t decide for you, son. Sorry.”

 

Spencer groaned.

 

“Not fair!”

 

“Life rarely is... But you’ll do great, I know it.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

Spencer was zipping up his bag when Doctor Kaufmann entered the room (without knocking, like always) and looked around in awe.

 

“Wow, it’s funny. I’ve become so used to your personal things scattered around in here… This place looks so bare now.”

 

“Yeah…” – It really did look somewhat cold and unfamiliar now.

 

“So, are you ready for your last check up?” – The doctor wanted to know but then without waiting for an answer, he ushered Gideon out to wait on the corridor and began his routine examination. After about ten minutes he patted his now ex-patients shoulder approvingly. – “That’s it, all done: a clean bill of health. I’m so proud of you.”

 

“Thank you, Doctor. For everything.” – He had wanted to give a better speech… To express just how grateful he really was to the doctor for having saved his life when nobody else had thought it possible. But he couldn’t think of anything that would have been remotely fitting to the occasion.

 

“You’re very much welcome.” – Came the reply with a smile that suggested the doctor knew exactly what he hadn’t been able to find the right words for. – “But you don’t look too happy… Why is that?”

 

“I… ahm… Doctor Kaufmann, do you… do you… think I could maybe stay here for a while longer? I believe I’m not ready to leave just yet.”

 

The doctor gaped melodramatically.

 

“What? You couldn’t wait to get out of here a few months ago. You begged and begged…”

 

“Yes, but only for a short time, to visit Gideon over Christmas. Not forever… out into the world… all alone…”

 

“You don’t seem to be alone, Doctor Reid.” – The man smirked, gesturing towards the door where they knew the ex-profiler was anxiously waiting outside for them. – “And all the others who have gone to my nerves with their endless calls and inquiries… frequent visits… I’ve never seen a patient with such an extended family to care for them before.” – He admitted.

 

“Yes, but… Can I stay? Please?”

 

“No, I’m sorry, you can’t. We need your room for a new patient. She fell off a horse a few days ago and hit her head pretty badly. She’s only 26 and she’s been unresponsive ever since.”

 

“Oh… That’s horrible! Will she be all right?”

 

“It doesn’t look good… Then again, we’ve seen a miracle happen, haven’t we? It’s just a question whether it was the researchers and my brilliance or your unique mind that brought you back to us unscratched? Maybe we’ll never know…”

 

“I don’t think I’m so unique so it’s probably the former…”

 

“My boy, for being a genius, sometimes you can be very dumb! Very dumb indeed. Anyway: shoo! Out with you! We need to prepare the place! It’s been a pleasure and I’m expecting you in two months for your mandatory control, young man!” – He warned with a mock stern voice before warmly embracing the boy. Then the doctor tossed the bag into the stunned young man’s hands and forcefully pushed him out. – “Jason: he’s all yours.”

 

The two men shook hands as well before the doctor disappeared with a last fond nod to Spencer and the cleaning staff invaded his room. Khm… His _old_ room that now belonged to a new girl needing care just as much as he had after that fateful accident so long ago.

 

It was a painful thought.

 

“Come on, kiddo. Let’s go.”

 

**CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM * CM**

 

As they were walking side by side, they spotted a gurney being wheeled their way, bearing a young girl with a thick bandage wrapped around her head. An elderly couple – probably her parents – were hurrying after her tearfully, each holding onto the other as if nothing else were keeping them upright but their partner.

 

Spencer saw Gideon flinch and thought the sight must have awoken some old memories in his mentor. He put his hand on the man’s shoulder to remind him he was all right and standing beside him.

 

When the nurses reached them with the gurney, both stood a bit to the side to let them pass. The parents stopped and looked at them. The mother was the first to speak:

 

“Sonny, are you a patient here?’”

 

“Ahm…” – The genius didn’t really know what to answer to that but since he couldn’t come up with a suitable lie, he decided the truth would be probably the best. – “Actually, I’m just leaving.”

 

The father’s eyes grew round as saucers.

 

“So, there is a chance to walk out of here on your own two feet?” – He asked hopefully. – “Were you in coma too?”

 

The boy gulped.

 

“Yes… I was.”

 

“And there’s no lasting damage?”

 

“No, sir, there isn’t. Though I had to work hard---”

 

“That’s great! And how long were you unconscious for?”

 

“Ah… For over three years…”

 

“Oh, my God!”

 

“But it doesn’t mean it has to take this long, ma’am!” – He hurried to assure even though he knew it could be even longer… like forever.

 

“Still, it’s reassuring to know that healing is possible… See, Martha! I told you so!” – He hugged his wife and kissed her hair lovingly.

 

“I’ll never give up hope, dear, I know… Sonny, you take care of yourself now, all right? And your father will look out for you too, I’m sure. You never can be sure how long you have with your loved ones… So many things can happen…” – She sniffled and reached out to squeeze the boy’s hand. – “So, be careful!”

 

“Thank you, ma’am, I will be. And I wish all the best to your daughter. I really hope she’ll heal.” – Spencer said honestly before they went their separate ways: the desperate parents to begin their painful waiting for their daughter to open her eyes and return to them, while Gideon and Spencer stepped through the gates of the hospital for the very last time. Well, except for the mandatory controls, the boy reminded himself, but it really wasn’t the same.

 

Even though he had been out a lot during the time he’d been teaching, this time it was different: Spencer looked upon the world with a heavily thudding heart and a feeling of dread in his chest. He felt like a small child that had lost his or her parents and didn’t know where to go or what to do to find them again.

 

Gideon watched him out of the corner of his eyes for a few moments, letting his protégé pull himself together in peace, before draping an arm around him and asking:

 

“So, Spencer. Where to now?”

 

The genius looked at his mentor with clear panic reflected in his eyes but then swallowed and replied determinedly.

 

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
